(Clearwisdom.net) Today I read a fellow practitioner's article ("Golden Buddha" with Master's Comments) and it clarified something that has been puzzling to me for some time.

In the article, the practitioner said, "When it comes to genuine Fa-rectification cultivation, it is also each Dafa disciple being responsible to him or her self, to Master and to the Fa, and to sentient beings. In this process, I think that all of our new and old "people of responsibility" should thoroughly learn from the lessons that we talked about above, so that they are unaffected by the attachment to fame and gain or everyday people's concepts of "famous people" or that of hierarchies, and they don't come to the conclusion that they must be cultivating because they are so busy working."

The words "attachment to fame and gain" hit a sore spot in me, which perplexed me. It had to be coming from my notion of pursuing fame and fortune.

I had always thought that my desires for fame and gain were minimal, if not nonexistent. Little did I know that I do indeed have a very strong mentality for self-validation when it comes to doing Dafa work. This perplexed me. There were times that I didn't recognize it or just felt uncertain about it. I was very confused as to why. I wondered what was blocking my thoughts so that I could not recognize this warped view.

I think that at times when I work on Dafa projects, I do them with an impure heart. Other times, my incorrect thinking was possibly guided by my desire for fame and gain. But the thoughts are usually fleeting so I never thought that such devious ideas really could exist so I denied it completely. Since I didn't realize I had this perception, my impure heart was hidden deep inside me and I have been nourishing it for so long without knowing to abolish it. Deep down, I clearly knew that I had a strong notion of hierarchy: I like to spend my time with Assistance Center heads or well known practitioners. Knowingly or unintentionally, I let other practitioners know my self worth and how well I am cultivating. Today, after I finished reading the "Golden Buddha" article, I finally recognized this notion. Tthis in turn fostered my impure mentalities in pursuit of fame and gain. As a Dafa practitioner, I have to cultivate and get rid of this, otherwise I am no better than an everyday person.

9/13/2009