(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time I thought I was not attached to time. Even when I encountered numerous difficulties in Dafa work, or when I felt tormented in passing xinxing tests, or when I felt physical fatigue, I have never expected Fa-rectification to end soon. Instead, I overcame the tests through Fa study and looking within. I assumed that I had walked righteously in this regard.
I noticed a big attachment recently behind this outwardly positive appearance that was hard to detect, having been hidden for several years.
My cultivation path has been smooth from the beginning; other practitioners consider me to have a clear understanding of Fa principles, and that I am rational. Many practitioners value my opinions. I'm also a capable person in society. Once I participated in a certain Dafa project, soon everyone recommended me to be a coordinator, or the Falun Dafa Association wanted me to be a coordinator. I have coordinated some projects. Meanwhile I am quiet and remain low key and do not have major conflicts with other practitioners. Small conflicts are quickly resolved. Consequently, during the more than ten years of cultivation I have heard more praise than criticism, and gradually became attached to hearing it, though I was unaware that the attachment was growing.
Another practitioner said to me a few days ago, "I think you may be the kind of practitioner who is not following the old force arrangements." I was taken aback and hurriedly said, "Don't think these things, if you think that this person if following old force arrangements, and then later you may wonder if another person is doing the same, or if I am doing the same, it would form a mental burden for you."
When I thought about it then it occurred to me how come I was made to hear such "praise"? In the past, others often praised me regarding some specific things, but now this comment went so far as to concern the fundamental things of a Dafa disciple. Is it because I have thought of myself too highly, or have I developed a too strong sense of self-satisfaction? I looked within and was shocked that I truly have such problem. When doing something I did it with a thought in my subconscious of how others would evaluate it once it was done. If one thing of Fa-validation was done I would think: look, one more thing was done; how difficult it was when doing it, and so on. Though I did not speak out, that attachment was hidden in my mind.
Thus, another attachment was developed- enjoying the process of passing a test. Seeing my ongoing progress, I felt that I enlightened to Fa principles one after another, and I was very pleased. It seems I enjoyed my progress immensely.
I asked myself: if Fa-rectification concludes now, then what would you say? My first thought came out, unexpectedly, which is: That's really a pity; a certain project I initiated has just begun. This thought left me stunned. Indeed I did not expect that Fa-rectification would end soon, but were my thoughts righteous, and considering the sentient beings involved? How much of it is selfishness; my wanting to do things myself and enjoying the process?
I understand that even in instances of the sacred task of saving sentient being, Master takes the opportunity to let me see my attachments. Attaching to things is using human thoughts to see things. The attachment to things that validate the Fa is even more difficult to recognize and be aware of than the attachment to something of everyday people. One is easily deceived by a beautiful appearance of things, but if we measure any of our thoughts and actions against the Fa at all times, we can detect any hidden attachment behind the appearance.