(Clearwisdom.net)
It seems that many practitioners believe that unmarried practitioners should stay that way. In some areas, the topic of marriage has become taboo, and no one dares to even talk about it. Some people even discourage young men and women to be together at group Fa-study or experience sharing gatherings, reasoning that if they are together they might start dating. This has gone on for quite some time and has brought about much negative impact. I would like to share a few of my understandings.
Failing to strictly "regard the Fa as teacher"
Master did not say specifically in either Zhuan Falun nor in any of His lectures that Dafa disciples should not get married. He only emphasized that Dafa disciples should be strict with themselves and not engage in improper relationships.
Some people take Master's teaching out of context. Master said in "Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,"
"Dafa disciples should not, under any circumstance, have any further problems in this regard. I don't want to see you make these kinds of mistakes. The boy and girl students in the performing arts troupe normally aren't allowed to just casually intermingle. Also, because they are so young, they are strictly forbidden from dating. Other Dafa disciples need to pay attention to these same issues. If this kind of problem happens at our academy, whoever is involved will be sent home without exception, to be sure. When Dafa disciples themselves can't do well, they cannot save sentient beings. If you cannot manage to do well yourself, how could you save sentient beings? When the thoughts that you project are unrighteous, how could you do that task well? It's the same as assisting the evil, then."
Some people have formed a one-sided understanding and believe that young practitioners should not date and should not get married. My understanding is that Master was warning us not to make mistakes in this regard, but He was not saying that Dafa practitioners should not fall in love and get married. Those referred to in the lecture are young practitioners who are still attending school, still too young to get married, and it is not a requirement of all Dafa practitioners.
Then why is it that even though we always stress that we should "regard the Fa as teacher" we still fail to do so when it comes to practical issues?
One reason is our attachments and notions. We look for content within the Fa that suits us - to serve as an excuse to justify holding onto our attachments. Some people avoid marriage for fear of trouble. They have seen other people's marital problems and flinch at the thought.
Besides, they have some misunderstanding about marriage. Due to the degeneration of morality - things such as incest, living together without being legally married and pregnancy before marriage - can be seen everywhere in today's society. Marriage in a "normal human society" is not like what it is today. Marriage in a real sense is a lifestyle set forth for humanity by gods, which involves interpersonal family relationships, including responsibilities and obligations. In my opinion, sex is only a small part of marriage - for procreating descendants. It is only that the moral degeneration in society has magnified and distorted these aspects of male/female relations and turned them negative. Then isn't it true that Dafa practitioners' view to not get married has also unwittingly narrowed the meaning of marriage?
A few specific issues reflected in cultivation
Some practitioners have said, "Having come to this stage of Fa-rectification, what's the point of even getting married?" I feel there are two wrong concepts here: First, it shows an attachment to time. Since 1999, when the persecution began, some people have been attached to time. No matter what time it is, we must solidly do well everything we should do instead of going to extremes due to time factors. Second, maintaining such a view separates marriage from cultivation, as if being married had nothing to do with cultivation and it is only a matter for everyday people.
Practitioners who were already married when they began practicing are using everyday people's notions about marriage to measure the marriages of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. They think that getting married means one is living an everyday life and that due to the time factor and the urgent need to save sentient beings, Dafa disciples should not get married. In my opinion, it is not like this at all. From day one, when Dafa disciples started cultivation, Master had already arranged our paths towards reaching consummation; everything we encounter involves our cultivation. The issue of marriage that confronts young practitioners is not an accidental part of their cultivation. For Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples, to take a righteous path in marriage is no longer only a matter for individuals, but something to be left for future reference.
Influence from past cultivation ways
Some practitioners have been much influenced by the cultivation ways of the past, and feel the best cultivation state can only be achieved by remaining single. Such thoughts show they have not gained a good understanding of cultivation in Dafa. To put it more seriously, it is also a matter that concerns practicing only one cultivation way. Dafa cultivation is based in secular society and requires us to maximally conform to everyday society in our cultivation. Thus, it is only natural that young people get married and start a family, and as Dafa disciples, we get married and start families while cultivating ourselves. This is different from all past cultivation ways.
Some practitioners have experienced a lot of hardships in their marriage and family life during cultivation and have become exhausted. Because of this, they hold the view that by staying single one can avoid all these troubles. They feel that practitioners should avoid marriage and thus they share their views and experiences with others, advising them to not get married. This view shows some misunderstanding of Fa principles, and that one has not cultivated well, or is trying to find a shortcut in cultivation. Everyone's cultivation path is different. Some people might remain single, but not everyone should stay single. Our cultivation paths have been arranged by Master and we are only to cultivate in the Fa, letting things take place naturally, and do well the things we should do. We must not try to deliberately do this or that through human effort. Such pursuit would bring about many unnecessary troubles in our cultivation and in saving sentient beings. If hundreds of thousands or even millions of Dafa disciples remained single, I think it would have a large negative impact on family, relatives and friends around us and on society. It is not a small matter; the old forces would also make trouble and interfere with our truth-clarification and offering people salvation.
Emotions and lust
Some practitioners think that marriage can give rise to emotions and lust, and these attachments can be easily taken advantage of to intensify the persecution. Does marriage encourage emotion and lust? My understanding is that it is not marriage that has encouraged sentiments and lust, but because people have not let go of these attachments in the first place and may have indulged themselves in these cravings; consequently, the old forces took advantage of their loopholes. In my opinion, being married or not in itself would not decide anything. The bad elements in other dimensions would not increase in quantity simply because one gets married or remains single. My understanding it that raising one's xinxing level is what's most important. If there should be any problems after one gets married, marriage itself is still an external factor at most. As I see it, the reason for the problem is a lack of diligence in cultivation.
Incidents have indeed occurred in every place where practitioners have fallen behind after getting married, or practitioners have suffered persecution because they have not done well in dealing with relationships with the opposite sex and have not let go of the attachment to lust. Because of this, some practitioners blamed marriage for all this, causing people to feel there are many negative aspects to marriage, and it is better not to even touch it; otherwise, one will get into trouble.
There is a process of development in everything, from immaturity to maturity. As for cultivation, we have also raised our level step by step. Although some individuals have not done well within their marriage and have caused negative impacts, it does not mean it is wrong to get married, and it cannot be used as a reason to prevent young practitioners from getting married and starting a family.
How Fa-rectification Dafa disciples should treat the issue of marriage
Fa-rectification Dafa disciples not only bear the mission of saving sentient beings, but at the same time the righteous paths they take will be left for the future. This is one of the reasons why Master says Dafa disciples are great. The elevation of our lives and the immense glory that goes with it also manifest in the process. In fact, this has already surpassed individual cultivation and our personal cultivation has already completely melted into the immense Fa-rectification. It is therefore a very important and serious matter that young Dafa disciples walk a righteous path on the issue of marriage.
(1) On the issue of marriage, I feel that we must first of all have a very pure and righteous starting point, and always put cultivation first. A marriage should be beneficial to the cultivation of the two people involved, so that they can help each other, encourage each other and do even better the three things we should do, and at the same time harmonize family and social life. We must be absolutely clear about this. In the past, many practitioners who took a detour in their marriage failed to do well in this respect, and they followed the path arranged by the old forces. This brought about many difficulties in their cultivation, which in turn gave rise to evil factors that intensified the persecution and caused a certain negative impact to the whole body cultivation of Dafa disciples.
(2) Whether you are married or not, the issue of desires and lust is a big test in cultivation and must be taken very seriously. However, we should not try to relinquish this attachment by avoiding getting married; instead, we should focus on letting go of the attachment itself. On this issue, we should require strictly of ourselves, but at the same time we must not do things in a forced manner, because that would not be cultivation. It is best if we can cultivate the mind and thus sever desires; if we cannot achieve this all at once, at least we need to make the effort and we will reach that state gradually, step by step. We should not go to extremes in this regard, thinking that if we cannot reach this state, then we should not get married. In fact, there is no need to be that anxious about it and we should not take it too seriously. Different levels have different Fa requirements, and as long as we keep the Fa in our hearts and try our best to do well, then things will be fine. Desires and lust are relinquished bit by bit.
From another perspective, the purpose of marriage is also for procreation of descendants and it is the same with Dafa disciples. As long as we do not follow the degenerated ways of everyday people, there will not be any problems with things that are normal and consistent with our cultivation state. However, we should indeed be careful and must absolutely not overdo anything, instead we should try to do everything better and better.
(3) Over the years of persecution, due to various circumstances, Dafa disciples in mainland China have encountered great difficulties in choosing suitable partners. Some practitioners have chosen to make do with less suitable partners and get married anyway. Some believe that as long as the other person is a Dafa disciple, then it should be fine, without considering if they are compatible in other aspects. Some were not happy with their partner in the first place, but due to the lack of choices around them, they made do with whomever was available, thinking it should be fine as long as they were both Dafa practitioners. And there are also others who could not find their ideal partner among practitioners and driven by loneliness and human attachments, they chose to marry non-practitioners.
All these situations are rather dangerous. We are still human beings in cultivation and we still have human minds and it is impossible that our hearts won't be moved under any circumstances. There are many things in life that need both partners to cooperate well. If there are too many differences between them, then conflicts are likely to occur. If they cannot resolve the conflicts, it may bring them many unnecessary problems and the old forces would also cause trouble to make things even more complicated and difficult. Getting married blindly will also have some bad effect among everyday people, which would in turn make it more difficult for us in truth-clarification and saving people. This is a situation where the loss outweighs the gain. We must not get married simply for the sake of getting married. Even if the partner is also a cultivator, we still need to conform to some basic factors involved in a marriage so that we do not go to extremes. We should at least be able to accept each other and be able to share common understandings on certain issues. This way, we could be able to cooperate well in life and in our cultivation.
As for those who married non-practitioners, as far as I know, most did not have a good result and their cultivation state is not as good as before; some have even given up cultivation. When Dafa disciples place themselves in that situation, it is really hard for them to handle it. Therefore if you truly want to cultivate and be a diligent Dafa disciple, you must be very careful in this regard.
(4) On the issue of marriage, we should not try to avoid practitioners around us who might have some misunderstandings. Master did not say that young practitioners should not get married. Then, we should behave in an open and aboveboard manner. If there are people who do not understand this issue, then we can honestly share our thoughts with them and also listen to their views. There is nothing wrong with listening to others who are more experienced so that we can guard against wrongdoings and avoid detours in our cultivation.
Dafa disciples are one body and we need to walk a righteous path in marriage. This is part of cooperating with the whole body. Those who have experienced problems in this aspect should not exaggerate their problems thereby increasing the negative effect. Instead, they should share their views on the issue based on Fa principles rather than on human sentiments, and help practitioners who wish to get married. Rationally share with them and remind and encourage them to deal with the issue righteously, and together relinquish bad human notions and walk our paths well and walk righteously on the issue of marriage.