(Clearwisdom.net) I have always felt that I was restrained in clarifying the truth face-to-face and unable to reach the status of being open and dignified. I often felt reluctant to do this important work.
I know that it was because of my attachments of fear and self-protection. However, I only used human ways to fight against those attachments. Even though I successfully persuaded others to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) organizations, I felt that I only used my human side that did not have the sense of compassion and sacredness.
Today, when I recalled my state of mind when I asked people to withdraw from the CCP organizations, I found that I had strong post-natally acquired notions. For example, when predestined people come, I thought to myself, "I have to save them. It is my responsibility!" However, deep inside I was forcing myself and thought of it as a task. Putting it bluntly, I was unwilling to sacrifice for others. I was forcing myself to do it because I was a practitioner.
In addition, during the process, I was always thinking, "I am determined to save you. Even if I have fear, I need to break through it. I am here to save people. I can do it. Teacher, please give me strength." Everything revolved around "me, me, me, and myself". I neglected the true foundation of the Fa. Fundamentally, it is the Fa, not me, that saves people. It is not me, but the Fa, that has the power. Only when we comply with the Fa, can we rid ourselves of fear and selfishness, and reach the state of compassion and sacredness.
After realizing this, I saw that the cause of my problems was that I neglected the Fa. I put too much emphasis on doing well, how I could make a breakthrough, how I could remove the fear, and how to have righteous thoughts and compassion. I failed to recognize that to achieve all these, the key was to first recognize the Fa. Then, I could put myself as a particle in the Fa to fulfill the mission that Dafa bestowed on us and to harmonize everything required by Fa rectification. We are validating the Fa, not ourselves.
Now I am more clear on my fundamental attachments and the serious consequences of neglecting the Fa. I am determined to put the Fa first. In everything I do, I should be thinking, "The Fa requires me to do this" instead of "I need to do this now." The difference is huge because only the Fa can eliminate selfishness. Otherwise we will always be centered around selfishness.