(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher said,
"Studying the Fa with attachments is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator. What's a fundamental attachment, then? Human beings acquire many notions in this world and are, as a consequence, driven by these notions to pursue what they yearn for."
"It isn't wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn't be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa." ("Towards Consummation" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
After reading this article it seemed to me that from the surface I did not have the fundamental attachment Teacher had described. I also read a lot of articles written by fellow practitioners on letting go of fundamental attachments. However, I was unable to find my own fundamental attachment for a long period of time. Although I knew it must be "selfishness," I was unclear what the concrete manifestations could be.
Recalling the process of my cultivation, I still remember that, before learning Falun Gong, someone recommended different religions to me, and others introduced various kinds of Qigong, therefore I began to be interested in religion and Qigong. However, I felt all of these were not what I wanted. I decided to choose something that suited me. I began to ask my mother, who is a Dafa practitioner, about Falun Gong, which I had turned a blind eye to for some time. I then began to practice Falun Gong. I began to listen to the videotape of Teacher's Fa-lectures with the mentality of "listening to some theories," as Teacher mentioned in Zhuan Falun. I was unconsciously attracted by the principles of Falun Dafa. It was just like what Teacher said,
"There are also people who have never practiced it, but who have pursued and pondered the truth and the meaning of human life. Once they learn our Falun Dafa, they will understand at once many questions in life that they have wished to understand but could not answer." (Lecture Eight of Zhuan Falun)
I formally began to learn Falun Gong in March 1995. I always thought that my intention of learning Dafa was very pure. It was not because of the concept that "Some people think that Dafa is in keeping with their own understanding of science," (1) and it was not for the purpose of curing the diseases and keeping fit, but for cultivation. Yet, though I had been looking for my fundamental attachment, I failed for a very long period of time.
One day I suddenly realized that although my purpose of learning Falun Gong at the beginning was for cultivation, I always had a thought of totally freeing myself from worldly worries through cultivation. From the surface it was a very normal idea among all the practitioners, however, when digging deeper I found it was an attachment of seeking "my happiness" after Consummation. This was something that I was after. Since I was seeking "my happiness" I still had very strong mentalities of seeking comfort, laziness, selfishness and reluctance to suffer from hardships, although I knew clearly that I should from the Fa principles.
"The world's miseries endured, one departs the earth a Buddha." ("Tempering the Will" from Hongyin)
Even when I did suffer from some hardship I would console myself with the thought that it would be "exchanged for happiness after reaching Consummation." As a matter of fact, this was a very filthy and selfish thought.
Because of my attachment to "my happiness" I began to slack off. Although I had always been doing the three things, my motivation was that I was afraid that if I failed to do the three things well I might not reach Consummation. Sometimes when I did well I would feel I had "capital for Consummation." Sometimes I hoped for an immediate end of cultivation, so that I would not suffer any more hardship. However, at times I was worried cultivation would end prematurely because I was afraid that I might not reach Consummation for not doing well in my cultivation. Teacher said,
"As soon as you heard me say that you had reached the standard for Consummation, you felt like a big burden had been lifted, you slacked off, and didn't want to do anything anymore, instead of taking what Master told you--something so sacred--to be motivation for becoming more diligent. If you are still unclear about what a Fa-rectification disciple is, you won't be able to step forward in the current tribulation, and you will be led by the human world's pursuit of comfort to 'enlighten' along an evil path." ("Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
In short, I did not do the three things wholeheartedly and could have done a lot better.
From the perspective of the Fa, I knew as a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple I must attain the "righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism" (2). Personal consummation is not the key issue; rather, saving the sentient beings was the real grand vow of ours when we came to this world. I always blamed myself for not being diligent, but in my heart I just could not put saving the sentient beings as my first priority. The main obstacle was the attachment of "my happiness." As a result, I was reluctant to give up the immediate ease and comfort, while pursuing the ever-lasting happiness of Consummation. It was really like holding onto humanness with one hand and holding onto Buddhahood with the other without letting go. I was continuing on the path because of those human attachments. Therefore it was my human concepts that hindered me from being diligent. Because of my attachment to "my happiness" I failed to treat my family members, relatives, friends and colleagues as my targets for salvation and failed to comprehensively clarify the truth to them. Sometimes I was even lost among everyday people and had conflicts with them. I not only hindered my own progress but also the salvation of these people.
If I was only concerned about my happiness, then why should I come down, step by step, to this world from a holy, pure, and incomparably splendid world, and suffer in the cycle of human beings' reincarnation? The purpose for Dafa practitioners coming to this world is as what Teacher described in his poem,
"You resolved to save sentient beings, and assist Master as he journeys this human world" ("Assisting the Fa" from Hongyin)
As a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple and during this sacred cultivation of validating the Fa, I must shoulder the heavy responsibility in helping Teacher rectify the Fa and save the sentient beings. Teacher said,
"Your greatest duty is to save sentient beings, and that is the true embodiment of validating the Fa" (Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005)
If we put personal consummation as the first priority and overlook the task of saving sentient beings, we would not only fail to live up to the expectations of Teacher, but we would also fall short on our own grand vows made before history. We would feel ashamed at the expectations of the sentient beings, and we would not be worthy of the title of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples.
After a long period of cultivation, I was very slow in finding my fundamental attachment, and when I was enlightened to the attachment, I still failed to let go of it. I really feel ashamed. I planned to write this article for a long time and it took a long time to finish it. I hope to take it as my new starting point. During the final stage of cultivation we must be more diligent, do well the three things Teacher requested us to do and keep up with the process of Fa-rectification.
Finally I'd like to share with you Teacher's words in the new article "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be"
"Actually, if you think about it, the cultivators of the past didn't dare to slack off for even a second, and that was when it took an entire lifetime to complete the journey. So how can Dafa disciples--who are to achieve the Attainment Status of a being who is saved by Dafa and who have the most convenient cultivation way--not be even more diligent when they are given this most glorious honor of Fa-validating cultivation in a brief cultivation period that passes in the blink of an eye? You already know that the form of a Dafa disciple's cultivation has one cultivate here, in the world, among ordinary people, and that the cultivation directly targets one's mind. All human attachments and notions that interfere with validating the Fa and saving sentient beings must be removed. For cultivators traveling a divine path, is it really that hard to get rid of those attachments that arise from human thinking and to change those notions? If a cultivator doesn't want to get rid of even those things, well, how is he to show that he's a cultivator? Of course, most disciples who are in this state are that way because, at the beginning, they didn't realize that they had subtle attachments or were being interfered with by their own notions, and so the evil has exploited this gap and magnified those factors. I know that after you become clear on this you will quickly catch up, but you should take fewer detours on this most magnificent, divine path; not leave reason for regret in your futures; and not fall so far behind in terms of levels. That is my hope, your hope, and the hope of the beings who are counting on you."
Notes:
(1) Quote from "Towards Consummation," Essentials for Further Advancement II
(2) Quote from "Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature," Essentials for Further Advancement