(Clearwisdom.net)

Greetings, Venerable Teacher!

Greetings, Fellow Practitioners!

I am a new practitioner and began practicing Falun Dafa in September 2005. One year has already passed by so quickly. I would like to share with everyone here some of my experiences from the past year that have cast a deep impression upon me.

When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I was relatively diligent. A veteran Falun Dafa practitioner from China came to my home to study the Fa and do the exercises with me every day. He also took me to scenic locations to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa. I also carried Zhuan Falun with me when I went to school, and read the book whenever I found free time. When the opportunity of clarifying the truth arose, I also knew what to do. Although I did not clarify the truth well at that time, I still persisted in doing it.

In early 2006, a fellow practitioner from China obtained UN refugee status and immigrated to Sweden. He left rather suddenly. With his rapid departure I felt I had lost my dependence. I felt somewhat lost and did not know what to do. Although I knew at the time that my mentality of dependence was not right, I did not pay sufficient attention to it. Instead, I started to worry about whether I could do well from then on. I did not realize that cultivation cannot depend upon others. Everyone needs to walk their own path, instead of relying on the external environment.

Because I did I not realize this soon enough, I started to sink into a state of depression. I ceased making improvements in doing the three things that a Dafa disciple should do. In fact, I did worse than previously. Besides neglecting Fa study and clarifying the truth, I paid little attention to the daily exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. I did them when I had time and stopped doing them when I was busy. As time went on, I was doing less and less. I also failed to study the Fa well. Even when I was studying the Fa, I did not truly study. I was reading for the sake of the formality, and with the mentality of completing a task. The results were certainly poor.

When I failed to study the Fa well, problems started to manifest in many different ways. Shortly before the fellow practitioner left for Sweden, I had already encountered a major test in my personal cultivation. My best friend suddenly started to appear disgusted with me, and even started to gradually keep some distance from me. At first, I did not mind, because she was a person who was usually quite emotional and often moody. Her moods usually passed within several days. My own selfishness began to interfere with me. We had just become sophomores, and with that came a sudden increase in study load. Because I was already having a hard time taking care of my own problems, I wondered how I was going to find the time to address other peoples issues. I was unable to adapt and over a period of time I showed only some superficial concern for her moods, without really trying to understand her situation. There are no accidents in cultivation. When problems occur around us in cultivation, it must be caused by attachments in certain areas.

Because of my poor cultivation state, and although I knew this was a test, I failed to look within to find my attachments. I did not actively look within. Instead, I had this passive thought, "As long as I can keep from being upset with her, and I exercise tolerance, I will be fine. Whatever she wants to do, just let her do it." What happened next was even worse. Many of my female classmates started to appear negative towards me. I frequently heard sarcastic comments that she made about me in public places, and she even directly rejected me in front of others.

As time passed, the situation became worse. I had already sunk into a vicious cycle without noticing it. I frequently cried when I was by myself, and I complained to myself, "Why is my life so bitter, and why am I encountering so many troubles?" I had forgotten how to behave like a cultivator. I not only had failed to look within, but instead I was looking outward for a solution. I blamed others for my situation. Because I had not studied the Fa for such a long time, my life was out of balance. When I reached my junior year in high school, the old forces saw many loopholes and started to take advantage of them. One of my sophomore teachers, who had taught me for only a very short period of time the previous year, but who became very close to me, came to teach the junior class. He also became the teacher in charge of my class. He had lived in China for a while, and he did not agree with the evil persecution of Falun Dafa by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). He also knew that I was practicing Falun Dafa. Because he was a very good teacher, even though he taught during our sophomore year for less than a month, the drawing skills of my classmates showed major improvements. Everyone wanted him to continue being our teacher. So when he came back, the entire class was very happy. I was also happy, almost overly happy. I thought, "Such a good teacher came back to teach me, as well as a teacher who accepts Falun Dafa. This must be Teacher's 'arrangement' in helping me." I did not realize that I was already walking into a trap arranged by the old forces. Thus, I put even more effort onto painting. I neglected the three things more than ever before, and I felt that I was sliding even further down. However, I did not know what to do. I failed to realize that I needed to actively change my situation. I needed to find fellow practitioners to share my experiences with. Instead, I was sinking deeper and deeper into such a vicious cycle and I was no longer able to pull myself out of it.

At the beginning of the year, our school suddenly decided to offer an art tour to China. This appeared to be a very enriching and attractive experience. The price of the China tour was also very affordable. The teacher was very persuasive about having me go on the tour and my heart was moved. I thought about wanting to go repeatedly. However, I also remembered that I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, and realized that I could not go to China while the persecution is still so vicious.

When the departure date neared, the teacher became more and more eager to know if I was going. Because of my inability to be in a righteous state, I did not have the courage to tell him that it was because I practiced Falun Dafa that I could not go to China. Instead, I used the excuse that my family was in a poor financial condition. In this way, I also missed a great opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to him. Wasn't such an answer exactly what the evil wanted? Of course, the old forces were not going to let this go. So the trial became even more severe.

Later, my mother learned about the situation. She called the teacher and told him the true reason why I could not go. The teacher was having a very hard time understanding the way I behaved, and he continued trying to persuade me to join the tour. This made me feel I had no choice but to accept his invitation. Several times I was about to say yes.

At this time, I remembered Falun Dafa. I remembered to study the Fa and looked eagerly for some hints in the book. Although I was aware of the numerous compassionate reminders from Teacher, I hesitated to change due to my strong attachment to art. I failed to let it go for a long time.

One day, while I was in the middle of a class, I told myself, "Never mind, I can go. Since I am an overseas practitioner, maybe no one will notice me." The persecution is not an ordinary persecution of humans against humans. It was very clear that I should not go. At that moment, I suddenly felt every cell in my body trembling, as if my cells were all frightened and experiencing fear. By taking this tour I would somehow face great danger, and therefore my cells were sending me warning signals. At that moment, I was suddenly much more clear-headed. The bad things were reduced significantly and my righteous thoughts were immediately strengthened. However, I was still hesitating. I took the initiative to call a fellow practitioner to discuss this matter with him. I had communicated with him prior to this occasion. Because I was not steadfast, I was unable to awaken to the truth completely. During this phone call, he asked me, "It was not easy for you to come to this world. Are you here to study art or are you here to save sentient beings? Although you were given talent in this area, isn't it for you to validate Dafa?"

Upon hearing these words, my tears began to flow. I felt ashamed for not being diligent and being too attached - lost in delusion. At that moment I truly awakened. The next day, I immediately went in person to turn down the invitation from the teacher. Although I was still feeling some pain, having made the right decision made me feel light-hearted beyond description. It was as if a heavy load was lifted from my shoulders. I walked back to Dafa again.

When I began practicing again, it was not easy. Every time I sent forth righteous thoughts (SFRT), my body felt as if it was shouldering a thousand pound load. I was even having a difficult time maintaining the basic posture during SFRT. However, I understood that this was due to the interference from the old forces. Since I had walked a side road, they were not letting me return easily. Every time I sent forth righteous thoughts, I totally negated everything that they had forced upon me. I also asked Teacher to strengthen me and help me to pass this major trial. When I was steadfast about sending righteous thoughts on a daily basis, the difficult state disappeared within a few days. I understand that it was compassion and our great Teacher who scooped me from hell and saved me. Teacher has given and endured far too much for us disciples. How can I forgo Teacher's compassionate salvation again? I have since caught up with Fa study and truth-clarification work.

During my junior year of high school my study load was very heavy, and my truth-clarification work was limited. I was feeling troubled about how to balance these two aspects of my life. Our compassionate Teacher saw my worries, and again helped me.

My high school happened to be celebrating its one hundredth anniversary, and was planning to hold an outdoor party. People outside the school were invited to set up booths. Many people from the community, as well as some government officials, were coming to celebrate. I immediately realized that this was a great opportunity to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. I thought that if I could successfully obtain the permit, I could save so many lives! I started working right away and found the teacher who was in charge of the event and clarified the truth to him about Falun Dafa. I informed him about the true situation of Falun Dafa. He immediately agreed to accept my application. However, he then said that since the school had close relations with China, he could not make the final decision on such a sensitive issue. However, he said he would help me by mentioning my application to his supervisors. He asked me to contact him a few days later.

While I was waiting to get back to him, I experienced a lot of interference, and it took longer than I expected. I asked fellow practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts. I also continuously looked within during this time to totally eliminate all interference. Soon, I received the school's answer. The school officials rejected my application with the excuse that my booth would be "unsuitable." I felt discouraged, and at that moment, the passive heart of an ordinary person surfaced. I thought, "Maybe the local Chinese teachers have been deeply poisoned by the CCP, and therefore maybe the opportunity was not yet mature." The next morning, during a weekly meeting, I heard news that Chinese officials would be coming to visit that day. I suddenly awakened. How could there be an issue of an "opportunity not being mature" for such an important event? I had to make it work! Then I thought about going directly the principal to clarify the truth. In the meantime, my attachment to fear arose. I was intimidated when thinking about talking to the principle, as he had such an important job in ordinary human society, instead of treating him as a sentient being who is waiting to be saved.

I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts, eliminated my fear, and asked fellow practitioners to SFRT together to eliminate any interference so that the next day my truth-clarification would be smooth and successful. The next morning I overcame sleep interference and got out of bed to SFRT. Miraculously, as soon as I started to send forth righteous thoughts, I was no longer tired. Without any difficulties I found the principle, however, he was discussing something with a teacher in his office. After waiting for a while, I noticed that the teacher did not show any intention of finishing the conversation, but instead started to extend the conversation further. I realized that this was interference, so at once I began to SFRT to eliminate it. When I did this, it was as if the teacher suddenly remembered something and left in a hurry.

Although I was unable to set up a booth inside the school grounds, I was allowed to have a booth at the entrance of the school. The effect was greater than I imagined. Many people came to the party that day. Some people, on their own initiative, came and asked for the truth-clarification materials. I distributed all the materials before the end of the party. I met a senior director of the school and an ambassador from China. The director accepted the truth-clarification materials.

This event also helped one of my classmates' mothers to find Falun Dafa. My classmate told me that her mother received the Falun Dafa materials on the day of the school party. After she read the truth clarifying materials, she could not believe that there still existed such brutality in human society. I had clarified the truth about Falun Dafa to my classmate, so my classmate told her mother everything that I had told her. This helped her mother believe everything that she read. She stated that she was quite moved and wanted to start cultivating. From this event, I realized how important and how serious our truth-clarification work is. If I was still being blocked by my human attachments, I might have kept other predestined people from being saved or finding Dafa.

As I gradually walked back to Dafa, the things that I did not do well in the past started to change. I took the opportunity of a school assignment to work on a painting for truth-clarification. When I first presented my idea to the teacher, I received objections from him. He said that there were Chinese people at the school who were deeply poisoned by the propaganda from the CCP. Although I had previously clarified the truth about Falun Dafa to this teacher, he was still afraid. He said that it was all right for me to paint some truth-clarifying paintings, but it was not all right if that was all I did. At the beginning, I tried to compromise. Later, I shared my experience with fellow practitioners. I constantly looked within, and looked for the attachment that was blocking me from walking the path of validating Dafa. I realized my show-off mentality was blocking me. I was afraid that if I did not follow what my art teacher asked me to do, the quality of my work would be not be known to others, my grade would be lowered, or that my work would not be put out for exhibition. The attachment to validating myself and to showing off was interfering with me. How could I make a priority of the important things such as saving sentient beings if I were selfish?

I tried my best to be unmoved by what my art teacher said, and used the standards and requirements of a Falun Dafa disciple to guide me. My heart was filled with thoughts of how to do well at saving sentient beings on a larger scale, and saving all predestined people. As to everything else, I entrusted Teacher to help me arrange the opportunities.

A major change soon took place. My art teacher's attitude towards me changed. He no longer mentioned anything about limiting my truth-clarifying paintings. Instead, he asked when I would be presenting new art work, since he was anxious to see them.

My friend who distanced herself from me also changed her attitude towards me as I gradually began walking a righteous path. When I did things in the past, I only thought about how I could do it well and seldom considered others. As I studied the Fa more, I realized that this was not right. I required myself to think of others first. My friend was well-known in my class for her bad temper. Whenever she and I had a conflict, she would look at me unkindly. However, I tolerated it every time. I was not tolerating this behavior by just putting up with it. I required myself to do better according to the principles of the Fa. Soon my friend's attitude also changed. She became my friend again, and was even closer to me than before. Since that time, she has never lost her temper with me.

I was constantly looking for opportunities to clarify the truth to my art teacher from China. I gave him the DVD on the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. However, he was a person who was good with words. Because I was taken advantage of by the old forces due to my loopholes, every time I went to clarify the truth to him, I failed. Sometimes, I failed to say even one sentence while he was talking. Later, I realized that such a state was not right. How could a cultivator be so easily moved by an ordinary person?

I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachment to fear. I also asked fellow practitioners to help SFRT to eliminate any bad elements the old forces were using to interfere with his being able to understand the truth. One afternoon, an opportunity arrived. Again, I discussed with my teacher the truth about the brutal history of the CCP, as well as the persecution of Falun Dafa in China. He once again used the reasoning of an ordinary person as well as the evil CCP reasoning to debate with me. While sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interfering factors behind him, I calmly explained the truth, point by point. I asked him to watch the DVD on the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, when he went home. At first, he was very resistant to me, claiming that he had spent so many years in China, and that he knew the CCP better than I did. He also spoke with the deviated reasoning borne of the CCP. I had just finished reading the first commentary, and I asked Teacher to strengthen me. I continued to stay steadfast in my mind while clearing the knots in his heart one by one. As I continued to speak, wisdom was being poured like water into my brain. It was allowing me to disperse the evil deviated reasoning that my teacher was speaking. When I was about to leave, I once again asked him to watch the Nine Commentaries. He immediately agreed.

As I walked step by step back to Dafa, I encountered situations that were harder for me to deal with than I wished. Because I learned to cultivate relatively late, and I had encountered such a major tribulation, I often thought in my heart, "Am I a 'Fa-rectification Period Dafa Disciple'? If I am, does it matter that I obtained the Fa so late, and that I wasted so much time? Can I still return to where I came from?" I knew that such a thought was not right. This was an attachment to self. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to negate it. However, it still came out now and again to trouble me. One night, compassionate Teacher enlightened me in my dream. In my dream I was running along a path without stopping in order to get to school. After much effort I reached the school and the bell rang for class to start. I was in front of two gigantic elevators. The buttons on the elevator showed that the elevator was going up, but I was not clear about which level I was going to. The elevator doors were tightly closed. There were many others in front of me who were also waiting for elevator doors to open. At that moment, I thought, "Since I am late, it is all over." There are so many others ahead of me, and it is likely that I will have to wait for the next round. Then, a school official took me aside and asked me why I was so late. I was very ashamed and could not reply, for I had no other reasons other then I simply had not done well enough. However, this school official smiled and said to me kindly, "No problem. Do well next time. Please enter." In an instant, the people who were standing in front of me in the elevator suddenly disappeared. At once I was in front of the elevator doors. The doors were wide open. After I woke up, I realized that it was our compassionate Teacher teaching me not to worry. As long as I have learned Dafa, I should not worry about anything, but only focus on cultivation.

I hope that sharing my experiences will encourage and remind those fellow practitioners who have also walked a side road or who have had similar worries, to cultivate well together. During cultivation, making mistakes is unavoidable. The key is to do things better next time and to follow the path of Dafa well. What does Teacher look for within us? Teacher looks at our hearts. Teacher taught us in "Hurry Up And Tell Them" from Hong Yin II:

"As Dafa disciples clarify the truth
Sharp swords shoot forth from their mouths
Tearing open the rotten demons' lies
Lose no time and save them,
hurry up and tell them."

I hope that fellow practitioners who have encountered difficulties during truth-clarification will no longer be blocked by their own human hearts. When you truly let go of the concerns of an ordinary person, then everything will change.

Due to the limitations of my level, I have only some shallow understandings to share with you. If there are any mistakes, I ask fellow practitioners to kindly point them out to me.

Thank you, Teacher! Thank you, fellow practitioners!