(Clearwisdom.net) For some time, I have noticed a very serious attachment in myself—the show-off mentality. It is reflected in my social interactions with others, such as when I am telling people the facts about the persecution and try to persuade people to quit the Communist Party and its related organizations. I knew clearly that I should get rid of this attachment, so I tried to find its root. Finally, I found that it is closely related to my years growing up.
I've got a Master's degree and am highly educated. The Chinese educational system requires us to learn by rote in order to pass exams. I have been praised by teachers and parents since childhood because of my excellent study record. As long as I knew the answer, my parents would sing high praises about how smart I was. Over time, I formed a notion that knowledge is honorable, but actually I am not knowledgeable. I know that my knowledge is very superficial.
I found that my abilities put into practice at work to be very poor. I found that my thought processes flowed in a theoretical vein. I often went to reference books for answers to very simple problems, which could be solved just by practicing or by asking others. As a result, it took me a lot of time to work out each problem.
This attachment to showing-off led to my going down an evil path in the forced labor camp. I first entered a labor camp in 2001. I thought at first that I would be able to re-"transform" those practitioners that had gone down a wrong path. I never avoided the topics those practitioners came to discuss, but I argued with them. The old forces also saw my attachment. They often praised me by saying that my level was high, my level of understanding was high, and that I was different from those with less education, all feeding my attachment. Later they started to speak some garbled words, especially things like, "Give up the attachment to arrive at Consummation." These ideas badly confused me.
I saw that many fellow practitioners had attachments to time. Then they spouted off about the principles of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition, saying that practitioners needed tests before Consummation. Then wouldn't those who tested practitioners stand on a higher level? I was confused by these evil theories and started to think about it all day long. I could not see through them, because I didn't study much of Teacher's more recent Fa lectures. They even encouraged me to give up myself, to give up my selfish attachment to Consummation, and to step out. Finally, I went down a path of evil.
After I was released, I read Teacher's scripture "Path," in which Teacher says,
"In the ordinary cultivations in history, those negative beings really did act as a touchstone to determine whether individual cultivators could reach Consummation. If someone turned out to be sand instead of gold, he would definitely be sifted out. But today it is different in that Fa-rectification is taking place in the cosmic bodies and the colossal firmament is being reconstructed. All of the so-called 'tests' of Dafa are interfering with the Fa-rectification. Moreover, the aim of all those who participate in the persecution is to damage Dafa. Although everything the old forces did to people’s personal cultivation achieved a certain effect in the past, if that approach is used during the Fa-rectification, not only does it fail to meet Dafa’s standard, but it also seriously interferes with and disrupts the Fa-rectification."
Additionally, I found that I often got immersed in theoretical argument and was content with knowledge, but I don't actually let go of my own attachments of human emotions and desires. I consider myself to be on a higher level and present myself as having given up the attachment to Consummation. In "What is Cultivation Practice," Teacher says,
"A monk or a nun tries hard to chant the scriptures, and he or she regards a person’s knowledge of scripture as the means for reaching Consummation. In fact, when Buddha Sakyamuni, Jesus, and Lao Zi were in this world, there were no scriptures at all—there was only actual cultivation. What the venerable masters taught was to guide cultivation practice. Later, followers recalled their words, put them into books, and called them scriptures. They gradually began to study Buddhist philosophy or theories of Dharma. Unlike what went on in the days of those venerable masters—when people would actually practice cultivation and use their teachings as the guide for their cultivation—these people have instead taken the study of religious scriptures and scholarship as cultivation practice."
I wrote out this article today and I am determined to let go of this attachment. Meanwhile, I remind those fellow practitioners in the labor camps and brainwashing centers not to get into theoretical arguments that can be taken advantage of by the evil. Look within to see if you are truly practicing cultivation and following Teacher's Fa.