From a very early age, I had been a spiritual seeker. Born in the Midwestern U.S., it seems that I had always wanted to be a nun. When I was twelve, I entered a convent preparatory school. I thought this was the answer. The school gave me an excellent education and I loved the sisters. I took vows and taught for a few years. I wore a Tau cross.
I had been educated in Catholic schools from grade school through college, then graduate courses at Notre Dame toward an MFA in painting. I had studied the writings of the early Christian Saint Augustine in high school Latin classes. I would often think of his wish: "My heart is restless until it rests in Thee."
In the convent, I had a great desire to cultivate but I didn't really know what cultivation was. I kept vigil before the Blessed Sacrament and prayed the "little hours" of morning Prime and evening Compline. I seriously considered the cloister, but after a retreat in a Carmelite convent, I decided it wasn't for me. My heart was still restless.
As time went on, the life of a nun carried less and less meaning for me and so I left the convent. I married a few years later and had a daughter. I earned an MBA from a well-known business school. Yet my life seemed empty. I had the strange feeling that I should move to my husband's home state on the East Coast. We did move, but my heart continued to be restless. I had not found the answer to my spiritual questions. My heart was no longer committed to the Catholic faith, but I continued to participate in Sunday Mass, Catholic holidays and the sacraments.
I checked out various spiritual beliefs; I tried Taikwando. I was drawn to Eastern belief systems. I joined a self-improvement class. One day toward the end of June 1998, we heard about a class about Falun Gong given by a Chinese couple. I decided to check it out and immediately went through the nine-day seminar by watching an early video of Teacher. I learned the exercises and was soon coming once a week to their apartment to read Falun Gong, then Zhuan Falun.
There were always stimulating discussions. Whenever I had a question, either the husband or wife would answer with, "It's my understanding..." which I liked very much. They made it clear that they were not the teachers. The author of the book was the Teacher. Everything I read seemed to make sense to me. I soon started looking forward to reading and discussing. We sat on the floor in their apartment where the couple displayed many pictures of Teacher.
I found the website with Teacher's other lectures (http://www.falundafa.org/) and started to read on my own. I found myself reading the lectures on the web for hours at a time. The couple gave me copies of the latest lectures, which I took home and read all the way through without stopping. It seemed that it was the most important information I had ever read. Everything seemed to make sense to me. Our group often met at a park to do the exercises and it was most pleasant. It seemed perfectly appropriate for me to do this. In fact, I missed it when I could not do the exercises. Everything seemed so natural.
Although I did not understand it at the time, my third eye was open to seeing many beings. During the sitting meditation, I saw the faces of many solemn beings in dark, muted colors. I would see other things, and took it all to be very natural.
Before cultivation in Dafa, I remembered many past lives. I was a wandering mendicant monk in France helping to build cathedrals. I recalled a life in India as the wife of an Indian government official during British rule in the nineteenth century. I was a South American Indian warrior leader who was ritually sacrificed by my enemy. I was a rich merchant in northern Europe during the early Renaissance. I recall being a young Mongolian girl watching a great herd of horses race across an open plain and later living in China as a servant or slave. These and other lives were very clear and real. But learning Falun Gong made me feel that I was just where I was supposed to be.
At the Chinese couple's home, we would gather one weekend a month a read, study and discuss all day, for hours on end. This was a little intense for me and I stopped going for a month or two. Then I came back and what I read seemed all the more wonderful.
We once gathered at a public meeting room to watch Teacher's latest lecture. There were about a dozen practitioners, mostly Western. As I casually glanced around the room, I saw an amazing thing. Two Westerners sitting next to each other were entirely transparent, in milky white outline. I realized I could see a table behind them by looking right through them. I did not speak about this to anyone for a long time. I did not want to show off or generate jealousy so I kept it to myself. I took none of what I saw as important or serious. I just saw it and that was all.
The Chinese couple were always traveling to conferences but I had no desire to go. In fact, I resisted. I did not like to travel and just wanted to continue with group study and practice. Finally, the couple said that it was important to go to a conference in New York. So a small group of us traveled together and stayed at a Chinese hotel.
The day of the conference, we stood in the main lecture hall waiting for the conference to begin. I decided to look for a ladies room. With the big crowd, there were long lines at the bathroom on the main floor, so I walked to the second floor which seemed deserted. I followed a Chinese lady into the bathroom. When I came out, I noticed that she was talking to two people. No one else was around. As I came closer, I realized that one of them was Teacher; the other was his translator. The lady left and Teacher watched me approach. He seemed to be waiting for me.
Standing before him, I did not recognize the existence of the translator; only Teacher existed for me. I am not short, but He seemed very tall and seemed to rise in a "V" shape. He was smiling and did not speak--as if he was waiting for me to say something. But I could only look into his smiling face; I could think of nothing to say. Then remembering simple courtesy, I reached out to shake his hand which he graciously extended. I think I bowed a little and walked down the stairs to the main hall. I met with my group and told them I had just met Teacher. One of our group hurriedly rushed to the second floor but found it was now barred off. No one could go upstairs anymore. My first conference was a memorable one.
Since then, I have seen and experienced many things through my third eye. Chinese practitioners seem especially interested and have asked me to tell what I have seen. It's now my understanding that I was given this sight to share with practitioners. It is to encourage others in their cultivation, to show the truly wonderful sights and experiences that are merely at my level. I am now writing down what I have seen through tianmu.
In a deep way, I know my cultivation journey started many hundreds of millions of jie ago. Since the truth is very important to me, perhaps I was a Taoist during the Ming Dynasty. One day I will know everything. I know I am nothing without Dafa and fit very perfectly within Dafa. Teacher arranged everything so naturally. During this period of Fa rectification, it is now up to me to eliminate my attachments, clarify the truth to save sentient beings and reach consummation. It's what I came for and what I agreed to do.