(Clearwisdom.net) After reading the article "Control Every Single Thought and Negate the Old Forces' Arrangements" on Minghui net (English translation: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2005/5/19/60944.html), I asked myself, have I controlled every single thought of mine at every moment?

Last year, after reading the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, I coughed for several days. I felt as if there was a knife in my throat, and it felt scratchy, but I didn't feel any pain even after continuous coughing. I knew Master was taking care of me. But I shouldn't let Master worry about me all the time! I knew it resulted from the dark minions' persecution and I had thoughts that I must eliminate the evil dark minions and the rotten demons. I was easily distracted when I tried to hold onto this thought and at that time, I felt weak and helpless.

On another occasion my mother, who is also a practitioner and lives with me, coughed for two months and sometimes she coughed so badly that she could not sleep. I knew very well that we are one body and that persecuting her was the same as persecuting me. Whenever I sent forth righteous thoughts, various weird thoughts emerged, such as "you yourself haven't done well," and "you haven't practiced the exercises yet, is the energy you carry or emit powerful enough?" I knew these thoughts were incorrect but I took them as my own. I tried to eliminate them by thinking: "How could I think of it this way, it is incorrect?" "Let me strengthen my righteous thoughts." In thinking this way, I regarded these bad thoughts as mine and so naturally, the effect of sending forth righteous thoughts could not be good.

At the end of last year, I had a dream. I dreamt that my two selves (two "I"s) were fighting each other. The clear-minded self could not ward off the attacks by the other self. I realized that Master was giving hints to me that these were my true self and my "false self" formed by notions and karma. I should make a clear distinction of which thoughts are from my true self, and strengthen the true self. Otherwise, I would be interfered with by the "false self" and thus do foolish things.

Understanding this is not enough. Only when I strictly follow what I have enlightened to and when I successfully conduct myself according to the principles can it be called cultivation. Of course, in terms of strictly following the principles, it is easier said than done.

Master said:

"Speaking of being able to do well, it's easier said than done--it's not like I tell everybody that they have to do so and then they're able to do so. It comes from having built a solid foundation in cultivation, and it's built through studying the Fa for a long time. "

(Touring North America to Teach the Fa, March 2002)

Oftentimes, I think of Master's teaching in "A Suggestion."

"The old forces think that a Dafa student who, out of attachments, during this period gives a written promise not to cultivate Dafa anymore has determined his own future. If it didn't truly come from his heart and was the result of coercion, and if he rejoins the Fa-rectification, then there will be greater tribulations, as tests, for him to pass."

("A Suggestion" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

For a long time, I had fears that the old forces would impose "greater tribulations" as tests for me to pass. I thus developed the attachment of fear and could not strive forward diligently in cultivation. It was a result of failing to study the Fa well. Master does not acknowledge any of the old force's arrangements. With firm righteous thoughts, we Dafa disciples are able to negate the arrangements of the old forces. I was in this anxious state for several years and regarded it as me, myself. How important it is to control "every single thought" of ours! If we fail to have strict requirements for ourselves and fail to examine and distinguish "every single thought" and simply let it slip by, we will end up slacking off until we completely lose our true selves.

In the old universe, the arrangements of the old forces are playing a role in affecting us. Although my celestial eye is not open and I cultivate in the maze and delusion, no matter how difficult it is, I will hold onto righteous thoughts. I will strengthen my true self and do more of what a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period is supposed to do.

These are my limited understandings. Please kindly correct me if there is any mistake.