(Clearwisdom.net) Although I have practiced Dafa for years, I feel that I haven't done well enough, and not cultivated diligently enough. I often talk to my son about the touching stories of others, included in the truth clarification materials. Recently he said to me, "Why don't you write about your own experiences?" So I am writing my cultivation experiences to share with fellow practitioners.
The Beginning of the Persecution
When Jiang and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Dafa on July 20, 1999, I could not understand why the Party would do such a thing to a group of people wanting to follow high moral standards. I lost all contact with fellow practitioners. Programs defaming Teacher were on TV every day, which made me very sad and angry. I enjoyed the verses from Teacher's Hong Yin (The Grand Verses) and I recited them much of the time:
"In life, nothing sought;
In death, regretting naught;
Washing away all wrong thought,
Buddhahood, with less adversity, is wrought.
("Nothing Kept," Hong Yin)
I watched TV very little because it was full of the CCP's evil lies about Dafa, and I felt desperate. My husband worried that I would tell others that I was a practitioner, and he asked me, "If you are questioned, what will you say?" I said, "Teacher has told us that we can keep silent if we do not feel like talking, but we should tell the truth if we speak." Then he asked me, "What if the police come into our home to search for Dafa books and Teacher's photos?" I said, "I will protect them with my life!" I probably sounded aggressive and emotional, and my husband felt pressured and was very worried about our situation. However, he did not say anything because he knew that I would not change or give up my belief of Dafa.
One morning, when I was half asleep, I saw my husband, my son, and myself sitting on a huge round cushion. While they were both asleep, I was awake. I pushed the wall and said, "Up!" Then the three of us ascended slowly to a quiet and comfortable dimension. I looked down from above and saw portraits of Buddhas and gods, and a big vase of palm flowers on a table in front of the other wall. I smelled the fragrance of the palm flowers. Recalling what I saw after I fully woke up, I thought, "Is it because my husband and my son have not 'awakened' yet, that Teacher is asking me to help them improve?" I felt that the dimension we were in was still within the Three Realms, although it did feel nice, so I should be careful not to get lost.
I started to study Teacher's lectures every day, from the earliest ones to the most recent ones. Every night I read the Fa aloud for both myself and my husband while he was doing his work. Sometimes I said, "See, in all of Teachers' lectures, all the words teach people to be good." Gradually, I was stronger and stronger in believing that Dafa is what I live for. One night I had a heart-to-heart talk with my husband about why I practiced Dafa, why I would not give up, and how I had changed after obtaining the Fa, and he witnessed my changes. From then on, he never bothered me about whether I should keep practicing or not.
Later, fellow practitioners gave me some experience sharing articles they had downloaded through much effort from the Minghui website. I was shocked by fellow practitioners' bravery in going to Tiananmen, and moved to tears. With the thought of going to Tiananmen myself, I talked with another practitioner who was not encouraging (indeed it was because of my own fear), and I decided not to go. Rather, I tried to "study the Fa diligently" at home. A practitioner told me that practitioners in other areas had posted truth clarification materials and banners on the streets at night, which frightened the evil. I was indifferent towards their righteous and compassionate actions and even said, "Why did they do it at night? They were not brave enough." Later the Minghui website published "Serious Teachings." Though shocked after reading it, I did not want to admit that I was wrong. That practitioner told me that by staring at Teacher's portrait one could find out if one did anything right or wrong. I stared at Teacher's portrait and tried to find out if I had done anything wrong. Because of my strong human attachments, I was "enlightened" to the idea that this was not true. Not until now when I look back at the past do I realize how dangerous it was and how lost I was.
Awakening
In Teacher's new articles, I heard Teacher's merciful calling again and again. Through constantly studying the Fa, I finally was able to leave the state of being lost. I still remember the first time I posted truth clarification materials that I had printed. My husband and I went to the streets together. He watched out for me, and I posted the materials, my heart beating hard!
Later, other practitioners brought more truth clarification materials and stickers. My husband, my son, and I usually went out at night to distribute materials for each household of apartment buildings, to post in markets, drop off or post on vehicles, and to put in other places. We also distributed VCD's this way. We went out together, I went to the top floor of apartment buildings, my husband would warn me or let my son come up and tell me if he noticed any danger signs. We dropped off dozens of VCD's every time. Sometimes when I was posting stickers in the buildings, someone might come out of their door. Once I pushed a door open accidentally and I heard a child from inside ask, "Who is it?" We have not encountered any real danger, although I was scared when these incidents occurred.
A practitioner told me that another fellow practitioner had a similar experience that she handled very well. She accidentally opened the door of an apartment suite, and the owner asked her what she was doing. She answered, "I am a Falun Gong practitioner, and I am dropping off truth clarification materials for you. Please have a look, and it will benefit you." The person took the material and read it while walking down the stairs, then put it into his pocket. Another time she handed a VCD to a person on the street. That person took it, but threw the VCD into a ditch when the practitioner turned around. The practitioner happened to see this and turned back to the person and asked him to pick it up, "You have committed a big sin! You could have given it back to me if you don't want it rather than throwing it away." The person responded with a look of guilt, "I am in a hurry to get back to work. I will pick it up when I come back." The bystanders also said to him, "She is right, if you don't want it you can just return it to her."
Establishing a Family Materials Production Site
In 2003, the material production sites in our city were destroyed and the responsible practitioners were persecuted. We were anxious because we could no longer get truth clarification materials. At the time, one practitioner proposed that she would provide master copies and I could print materials at home using a portable copy machine. When I had time, I also learned to download the original materials from the website. Because I had a job and was busy, I persuaded my husband to help with the production. We all chipped in about 4,000 yuan to buy a portable copy machine. Our family material production site started to work. We were so happy to see the nicely printed materials, and other practitioners could receive truth clarification materials to distribute, and read Teacher's new lectures again. However, the copy machine ink was consumed quickly, and the copy quality declined soon after we started. We had to pay hundreds of yuan to send my husband to the copier repair site to learn how to maintain and repair the copy machine. I felt bad that we had to use the money that fellow practitioners had saved from their limited pensions or salaries, but we were able to save more money than we spent because my husband learned the basic skills for maintaining the copy machine.
Later the number of practitioners who got materials from us increased, and the portable copy machine could not provide enough materials. So we bought a laser printer and the production speed improved dramatically - the work that previously required a few days now took only two or three hours!
Although we could produce printed materials, truth clarification VCD's and cards still needed to be provided by other practitioners. When those material sites were discovered by police, our sources of VCD's and cards were again severed. I had been thinking of producing VCD's and cards at my home, but my husband did not think it was safe to have too many types of materials in our home. My husband was not a practitioner and I did not know how to convince him from a practitioner's angle. At that time, the lawsuits against Jiang were started overseas and persecution evidence needed to be collected. Many local practitioners gave me evidence of the persecution towards them and asked me to send it to the websites. This needed to be handled very carefully because all of the names mentioned were real names from which individuals could be easily identified by the evil. I was aware of PGP encryption software which was recommended by the Minghui website, but I did not know how to use it. I told my concerns to a fellow practitioner, and she asked another practitioner to teach me. With the help of the practitioner and Teacher's arrangement, I soon knew how to use PGP, how to burn CDs, and how to access the Internet with a cell phone.
As for truth-clarifying cards, many practitioners told us they needed lots of cards because people liked them a lot, especially in rural areas. Fortunately, a friend of my husband happened to teach him how to use computer drawing software. Now my husband edits or designs all the cards and VCD covers that we produce. The cards are beautiful after his re-designing. Fellow practitioners' feedback is very good.
With the significant support of fellow practitioners, our family materials production site runs more and more smoothly. They support us by sending forth righteous thoughts and providing money. The site has never stopped running due to lack of financial support.
Becoming Mature
Recently there was news that the evil tried to act again. Other practitioners were worried and asked me to be "less active." I felt bad upon hearing this. My husband was scared, too. One night I talked to him for a long time, and told him that we should be doing better and better. He resumed his Dafa work the next day.
During the May 1 holiday, we attended a social, and brought truth clarification materials to our old friends. My husband was able to clarify the truth with me in an eloquent manner, which had rarely happened to him before. I felt he had improved. Though he is not a practitioner yet, he has learned a lot of the truth! Upon seeing the truth clarification card that I gave her, a friend asked me if I was still practicing Dafa. I replied, "Of course." She said, "I thought so too. You look so nice and healthy. A friend of mine is in charge of arresting Falun Gong practitioners. I told him not to do that, as I know my other friend is practicing and doing quite well." Her friend also asked her who the practitioner she mentioned was, but my friend said, "Of course I will not tell you." Then I told my friend that what the TV said was all lies, that Dafa had benefited me a lot, and that people should not follow the evil to do harm to themselves.
Last night, my husband and I studied Teacher's lecture "Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Manhattan International Fa Conference." He used to only read the parts that interested him, but this time he finished reading the entire article with me even though it was late. We both felt very encouraged! There are no words in the world that can describe Teacher's compassion and wisdom.
I want to take this opportunity to give my greetings to Teacher, and celebrate Teacher's birthday. Also my greetings to fellow practitioners overseas! Thank you for making the beautiful truth clarification materials for us practitioners in China!
May 13, 2005