(Clearwisdom.net) I recently moved to a small town and have had time to really calm down and look inward, and see myself clearly. Master has said,
"Time is running out, and those of you who haven't done well should think about it--you should really take a hard look at yourselves. This is the first time I've warned Dafa disciples this way. (Applause) Whether you can consummate is up to you." [Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference]
During these few months of "cultivating alone", I have discovered a lot of xinxing [mind nature, moral quality] problems. For example, I am very concerned with how others view and judge me. This attachment is so strong that I would try to guess how another party views me, and whether his or her attitude towards me is favorable or not, from just one sentence, one expression or one look. Also, during experience sharing, if my understandings of the Fa are not appreciated by others, or if the suggestions I made were not accepted by the other party, I would think, "He will definitely not accept it. He is always prejudiced against me. He is never receptive to other's views. He is always so arrogant." I would become angrier and angrier the more I thought about it. I would then think, "If he uses harsh words with me or is unaccepting, what shall I say to rebut him?" What's more, I would be concerned with my looks, with whether the way I dress is appealing, whether or not I had attracted the attention of the opposite sex, whether someone had fallen for me, etc. Sometimes I was so carried away by the thought karma that I would unconsciously fantasize about falling in love with someone at first sight; the way we met and became lovers, and even some dirty thoughts originating from the attachment of lust would arise. I would fabricate stories in my mind and sometimes I would find it unbearable if a fellow practitioner surpassed me in some respects. I sometimes felt that I was filled with extremely intense jealousy.
I was shocked to discover that I had so many attachments. I even doubted that I had really been cultivating and elevating myself at all. I could distinctly sense that these bad thoughts were living substances. They played a negative role when I validated the Fa and caused interference and disturbance to myself and other practitioners. After studying the Fa with a calm heart, I patiently examined and scrutinized every attachment that I found and tried to find the root of it. Pursuing each attachment, I discovered that the problem originated from the attachment to "self":
Self-fulfillment from being admired; pleased with myself for obtaining affirmation from others; desiring others to feel good about myself; delighted that my opinions were approved of by others, or if I obtained concurrence. If others did not accept my views I would be indignant. Together with the attachment to lust, I was immersed in my own fantasies and the vanity of being popular with the opposite sex. "They will be quite upset if something does not agree with their way of thinking." [Zhuan Falun] The attachment to jealousy is a manifestation of being intensely attached to one's own views. Even when I was writing this article, occasionally the thought of how to prove my point of view so that the reader would accept what I had written would pop up. The attachment to "self" is so strong, stubborn, and despicable. A loophole exists here and the old forces use this excuse to interfere and cause damage; to have the environment undergo "transformation according to thoughts" [Zhuan Falun]. In this sense, the thing that is most difficult to battle against is neither the old forces nor the evil beings that they manipulate, but this degenerated "self" that was formed in the old cosmos. If I were able to give up this old self and assimilate into the Fa, the evil would not be able to find excuses to arrange tribulations.
The selfish nature of beings in the old cosmos is just like a mechanism to satisfy one's own desires: to fulfill one's goals, acting to justify one's self-worth such that one's life is always moving towards heaviness, degeneration and falling. In history, maybe our first thought of coming down here had a selfish motive; perhaps it was to let our own sentient beings have the chance to be saved; perhaps it was so that our cosmos could be rejuvenated and thus survive this tribulation, or perhaps it was for the sake of not being left behind by the whole cosmos. Whatever it was, the objective was to save oneself. The difference is that today we choose to use all of our effort to accommodate and fulfill what Master has chosen. We choose to unconditionally assimilate to Dafa, to change ourselves fundamentally, so that we will meet the standard of the new cosmos. In contrast, the old forces do not want to change themselves; they choose to make use of Master and the Fa rectification to achieve their own goal of self salvation.
What Exactly is "Self"?
In Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference, a practitioner asked,
"Only after having cultivated this long have I realized what my fundamental attachment is, which is the attachment to my self." Master replied, "Yes. To put it plainly, that's the fundamental factor of beings of the past."
This old fundamental factor from which our beings were formed has the function
of restraint and contradiction in our cultivation and Fa-rectification. How do
we overcome these barriers and eradicate this "self"?
From beginning to end, from personal cultivation in the past to our current Fa-rectification cultivation, we must not forget to look inwards.
Master said,
"We must treat everyone with compassion. In the face of any problem, we must look at ourselves to find the reason. Even if the other person had scolded us or physically assaulted us, we must look within ourselves and see if it was any of our faults somewhere that caused it. In this way we can find the fundamental reason that caused the tension. This is also the best means to do away with the attachments to selfishness and self. You must expand your heart to forgive every single person you meet in your cultivation."... "In all matters, you must consider others, you must first think for others then think for yourself. I want all of you to cultivate and reach the consummation state of righteous Fa and righteous thinking of others before self. This is precisely the process of eliminating selfishness and this can eradicate "self". ... "Thus from your perspective, when you meet problems, you should look for the reason within yourself, to think more of others, to cultivate yourself, to look within yourself, to think less of the bad points of others. If you can handle all situations accordingly to what I had taught, in actual fact you are already being diligent and progressing." [Falun Buddha Fa - Australia Conference Lecture, May 1999, Sydney, Australia]
I realize that while we are continuously studying the Fa, looking inwards to discover thoughts and behavior that are not up to the standard of the Fa and rectifying them according to the Fa, and actively assimilating to the Fa, the Fa is already changing the factor of our lives layer by layer from the most fundamental factor. This is eliminating the notion of "self", so that we can reach the standard of the new cosmos. In Fa-rectification cultivation, this process of eliminating the old self is interwoven into one's validation of Dafa. We must do every single thing with the attitude of putting Dafa's needs and Master's choices in the highest position. This is the greatest degree of selflessness and compassion that we can achieve.