(First Written Experience Sharing for Falun Gong Practitioners in China)
(Clearwisdom.net) I began to learn Falun Dafa in 1999, when I was 21 years old. In the beginning I didn't understand how important it is to cherish the time and use it wisely; I didn't realize the importance of studying the Fa (1). As a matter of fact, it was as though I was in a state of limbo, and oftentimes I was unsure whether I should practice or not . After July 20, 1999, all the practitioners I knew went to Beijing to validate the Fa. I, However, remained hidden in my home. In December 2000, with the help of some of the other practitioners, I prepared to go to Beijing. My home phone was tapped, however, so my mother and I were forced to go to a brainwashing center. After I was there for three months, because of my mentality of fear and attachment to comfort, compounded by the fact that I didn't study the Fa well, I signed a "Guarantee Statement," and I tore up a Dafa book, as the police required.
After I went back home, I read Teacher's new articles, "Coercion Cannot Change People's Hearts" and "A Suggestion," and I knew I had done a bad thing. Then, when I read some articles published on the Clearwisdom website regarding the seriousness of writing the "Three Statements," I suddenly realized that I had been taken advantage of by the old forces because of my attachments. I cried and cried, but I knew it was no use just crying. I knew I needed to take action to make up for the losses I had brought to Dafa.
From that time on I went to a place some 30 kilometers away from the city to pick up truth-clarification materials and brought them home. I would then fold the materials before handing them out. Later, since there were no Falun Dafa materials sites (2) in the city, many practitioners could not get Teacher's new articles or Clearwisdom articles, so I became the contact person between the Dafa materials site and the practitioners in the city.
In December 2001, several practitioners from the materials site were arrested and sentenced to forced labor. On the third evening of the Chinese New Year, a practitioner called me and said that the practitioners who were arrested had confessed about the materials site, and also suggested that I go into hiding. I knew that if I left, it would affect the truth-clarification work in our area, furthermore my absence would be a source of great concern for my family. I told myself to stay calm. My heart pounded rapidly and I was filled with anxiety. Reciting the Fa made me feel a bit calmer, but when I stopped, the fear would resurface. It was as though there was nothing but fear; it seemed to fill this whole dimension. When it became unbearable I would again recite the Fa. I suffered this torment throughout an entire night that seemed to last forever. The next morning I went back to the materials site to investigate, only to find that it was all hearsay.
In 2002, the practitioner we relied on to download materials from the Internet was sentenced to 7 years in prison. All the practitioners in the city as well as the surrounding areas depended on this materials site to provide Teacher's new articles and truth-clarification materials. Without this practitioner we no longer had a source for Clearwisdom articles. Two practitioners came and asked me if I had any ideas. I knew another practitioner who was adept at browsing the Internet. I went to him and explained our dilemma. He thought about it for a while, and then he agreed to take the place of the practitioner who was arrested. I knew that in that moment he had passed the test of life and death. The pressure he endured was beyond the imagination of many of our practitioners. I vowed to myself that I would give my all to protect this practitioner. For the sake of saving the sentient beings and to safeguard other Falun Dafa practitioners, I alone was his contact to the materials site.
After the establishment of the "World Organization to Investigate the Persecution of Falun Gong," in order to expose the evil and the persecution of Falun Dafa practitioners, many of us began to put our experiences in writing. Many times my eyes have welled up with tears when I read the articles written by fellow practitioners. I am a practitioner who once betrayed Teacher, yet Teacher is so merciful and has given me many opportunities to make amends. The practitioners trust me, and I have no excuse to not do things well!
One evening that winter, my aunt (a Dafa practitioner) called me outside and said, "The City Police Department knows very well who you are, and they are preparing to arrest you. So and so (another Dafa practitioner) told me about it. She said she went several times to investigate and assures me that the information is accurate. We have made all the necessary arrangements for you, now you must come with me!"
My heart raced when I heard this news, as I was caught so completely unprepared. I said, "Let me think about it." We walked slowly down a narrow lane as the frigid wind whistled. It was very dark and the dogs were barking. I looked at the sky and felt as though I was being crushed under a great weight. What should I do? We continued our walk and all of the sudden I remembered the article I had just read. The article was about how Dafa practitioners should totally negate the old forces' arrangements. I felt a stir in my heart as I realized that this was the answer. I knew that I had to walk the path arranged by Teacher. "I will not leave!" I said to my aunt with finality. The old forces wanted me to leave my home and wander about from place to place, but I wouldn't accept what they had arranged for me. The path arranged by our Teacher is the best. Not only is it in line with human society, it would allow me the best conditions to continue my work for the Fa-rectification and save my family from the fear and pain of losing me.
My aunt asked me again, "Are you sure that you won't leave? You must think twice. Leave now while you still have time."
"No. I am not leaving." I told her without any doubt.
Later, at home in my bed, I felt an immense pressure. I knew practitioners who were sentenced to forced labor camps, others who were illegally detained, some who were suffering from the cruelest of tortures, and one who almost lost his life. I wondered, "If I were arrested, could I really withstand the tribulation?" I knew I would not tell them about the practitioner who downloaded information from the Internet for us, and I most certainly would not talk about the materials site. I just could not calm down. Then I recalled what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun (3), "When it's difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it's impossible to do, you can do it." Gritting my teeth, I got up and knelt by the bed to ask Teacher for help. Then I held my copy of Zhuan Falun, wondering if I would have the opportunity to read it in the future, or was this possibly my last chance to read the book. It seemed as though every word in the book was engraved in my mind. I read and read and read. I was so regretful that I had not studied the Fa well in the past, when I'd had the chance. But the old forces didn't dare to persecute me. The reason is that I chose the path that Teacher arranged for me. The old forces' plan to make me flee and become homeless was a complete failure.
In the Spring of 2003, all the practitioners at our materials site were arrested. In order to find out who had supplied them with the Clearwisdom materials, the police cruelly tortured the practitioner who had done the editing. She was deprived of sleep for 7 days in a row, and the backs of her hands were charred from the electric shocks she endured. The tortures rendered her unable to walk by herself. Later she was sentenced to 8 years in jail. Other practitioners received sentences varying from 3 to 7 years. One or two practitioners were forced to confess, and they gave them some information about me, so the Head of the Political and Security Section of the police department led 8 policemen to come and arrest me. My mother, who is also a Dafa practitioner, sent forth righteous thoughts. Because I was not home they waited for me until noon, and then left.
When I returned to my home, mom told me that the police had just left. I hadn't intended to be so late coming home, but as I was returning, a practitioner stopped me to talk. Now I know it was Teacher protecting me. Mom said, "You should leave right now." I asked myself, wasn't this the evil trying to manipulate me again into leaving home and becoming a homeless fugitive? Because Teacher gave me time, I asked my mother to change her thinking, calm down and strengthen her righteous thoughts. I said to her, "I am not leaving. If I were to leave, wouldn't that be like giving myself away?" In the afternoon my mother told the practitioners who lived near by about the situation, and asked them to send forth righteous thoughts. In the evening two policemen from the local police station came. I did not greet them. (I now understand that I should clarify the truth to them and expose the evil.) The following morning the police took me away in a police car. Before I left I told my mother that I would certainly be back and I asked her not to worry. In the police car I remembered my vow not to betray the practitioners who worked on the Internet no matter what the police did to me. I also reminded myself about the vow I made before leaving home. I was certain that since I had been given time to leave the house but chose not to, I would surely be able to return home.
A practitioner had shared with me her experiences concerning how she passed the test. She was high on the national "Most Wanted" list. One day the police arrested her and several of them interrogated her, but she didn't say a word. She just sat there, continuously sending forth righteous thoughts. The policemen compared her with photos they carried with them for quite some time, but ultimately they couldn't identify her. The officers were silent for a long time, and then suddenly one of the policemen shouted her name to see if she would react. This practitioner, however, did not even blink her eyes, and had no expression whatsoever on her face. She looked at them with righteous thoughts. Finally the police officers decided that it wasn't her and let her go. From the time they arrested her until they let her go, the police never once touched her. This is just like what Teacher said, "...just by having your heart unaffected you will be able to handle all situations." ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)," Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I got out of the police car calmly and unhurriedly, and faced their interrogation with ease. No matter what they asked me about Falun Dafa activities, I had only one answer for them, "I don't know." They looked at my facial expressions, watched my eye movements, and listened to the way I answered the questions. Finally they came to the conclusion that I was not the one they were looking for, so they just let me go home.
When I got home home, my aunt (also a Falun Dafa practitioner) said to me happily, "We were all so worried for you. Yesterday we informed all the practitioners we know, and we sent forth righteous thoughts all night. I am so glad that you are home." I was deeply moved and my eyes were brimming with tears. I was glad to be a particle of Dafa. Originally we were all strangers and it was Dafa that linked our hearts together.
Remembering the last few years, I know the reason I am able to walk my path smoothly to this day in such peril is not because I've cultivated well, since I know I've always had a lot of human attachments, including the attachment of fear and the attachment to comfort, but because I have chosen the path of cultivation arranged by Teacher. Therefore, even though I had attachments and loopholes, the evil didn't dare to persecute me. The other reason is that the practitioners in my area all treated me like one of their own family members. Some practitioners wanted to buy a motorbike for me so it wouldn't be so arduous traveling long distances, and others wanted to buy a cell phone for me to help me save time. Whenever practitioners saw my attachments or noticed something that I did not do well, they would kindly point it out to me. For my safety they made many suggestions. Some tried to tell me how I could do these things better from the human side and others told me from the perspective of Fa principles how I could keep righteous thoughts and righteous actions. I think both aspects are important, so I do my best to keep them in mind. Though I suffered some hardships and sometimes felt the pressure, the feeling I most often experienced was joy and happiness. I think it should be that way, because a life is born with the characteristics of "Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance," so to be responsible for the righteousness of the universe is the most joyful and happiest thing for the life. Seeing banners that I made fluttering in the trees, I honestly felt incredibly happy. I always require myself to keep a positive perspective in adverse conditions.
I still haven't done well in many areas. The time Teacher gives us to validate the Fa is limited, so I will seize the time and do well the three things our Teachers asks of us: study the Fa, send righteous thoughts, and clarify the truth. I will do my best to live up to the expectations of Teacher and fulfill the hopes and needs of sentient beings.
Notes:
(1) Fa: Law and principles; the teachings of Falun Dafa. "Dafa" means "The Great Law."
(2) "The Falun Dafa materials sites" - Materials sites refers to locations in China where practitioners create, print, and assemble materials such as flyers, banners, VCD's, etc. with factual information about Falun Gong and the persecution.
(3) The book, Zhuan Falun, comprises the principal teachings of Falun Dafa.