(Clearwisdom.net May 16, 2003)
I was abducted in October 2001 and was illegally detained for more than five months before I was sentenced to two years of forced labor "reeducation." I was released for out-of-camp "reeducation" because of my health condition. After I returned to work, the leaders of my company kept increasing both mental and economic pressures on me. In addition, I had some loopholes in my thinking and couldn't break through the evil force's ties on me. All of this caused me to resign myself to the adversities and continuous physical discomfort. It wasn't until recently that I thoroughly dug out the origin of my "sickness karma" after repeatedly studying Teacher's new scriptures, receiving fellow practitioners' encouragement and reading Clearwisdom articles.
Physical Discomforts, One after Another
The longest discomfort I experienced was a headache that lasted for almost half a year. When it was at its worst, I had to hold my scalp and clench my teeth. Accompanying my headache was a neck pain as well as a symptom in which my head tended to tilt to one side. Some people told me that I was at an age that is vulnerable to bone proliferation. However, I knew there was something wrong with my xinxing [heart nature, moral character]. I couldn't find exactly what was wrong, so I continued to bear the discomfort passively. Later, I had a bloated stomach and a pain near my liver. Sometimes, the pain even caused me to stop in the middle of sending forth righteous thoughts and bend over, or even to squat or to sit on my knees. It was hard to sleep. I would wake up because of the pain and walk around my room. Sometimes it would be a little better if I summoned up the strength to send forth righteous thoughts and eliminate the persecution by the evil forces. One time when I had a pain in my stomach, I couldn't help covering my stomach with my hands. Suddenly, I heard a voice, "Put them down." I knew it must have been our compassionate Teacher, who was anxious because of my lagging xinxing and pointed it out for me. I have never covered my stomach with my hands during any pain since then.
At that time, there was a discussion on the Minghui web site as to whether practitioners in the Fa-rectification period still have sickness karma. My understanding improved a lot by reading it. My fellow practitioners also helped me to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all of the evil damaging my body. My main consciousness began to get stronger. My health returned to normal soon after. However, I still didn't find the loopholes in my own thinking or the origin of that which the evil forces had taken advantage. This caused another round of pain after a month. This time, the pain was near my left rib, involving the left side of my stomach as well. I felt a pressure in my heart. I would pant when walking. I looked pale and skinny. I clearly realized that it was the evil forces that were taking advantage of my loopholes and interfering with my Fa-rectification, including truth-clarification, sending forth righteous thoughts, Fa-study and practicing the exercises. It continued for more than twenty days. During this time, my understanding became clearer and clearer. As I eliminated more and more of the evil forces, my pain became less and less. Today is the day I completely understood what has been happening and it is also the day that I have completely recovered.
Seeing the Old Force's Evil Arrangements through My Own Loopholes
The practitioners in the Fa-rectification period don't have any sickness karma. Our great Teacher pushed his students to this point before July 20, 1999. He has never arranged any tribulation for his students since July 20, 1999. Teacher would never let his students waste their time recovering in bed. This was clearly sabotage by the old forces. Teacher said,
"As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts. Even though the old forces do exist, if you don't have those thoughts they can't do anything. When your righteous thoughts are strong enough, the old forces can't do a thing." (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
As Falun Dafa practitioners, we are protected by Teacher's law body and by all the righteous Gods in the cosmos. As long as our "...righteous thoughts are strong enough you can reject them, repel them, and make them helpless." (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
However, time after time, I didn't discover my essential loophole that was causing my serious discomfort, all the time allowing the evil forces to exploit the loopholes in my xinxing and my actions. Later, I found in the bottom of my heart that I was pursuing "sickness" and sympathy from my bosses. I was also pursuing the chance to resume my work, salary and the easy life of an everyday person after I was released from forced labor "reeducation." This deviated completely from Fa-rectification. I regarded myself as a victim of the persecution by humans, instead of a great God forged through the cultivation during the Fa-rectification. I acknowledged the arrangement by the old forces.
Teacher has told us,
"With a Dafa like this, how could so many magnificent future Gods, magnificent Dafa disciples, who've been forged through Dafa cultivation put their hope in some ordinary person? Aren't we insulting ourselves? Could human beings control Gods?" (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
Teacher also said,
"Since you're Dafa disciples, you shouldn't put your hopes in so-called 'natural' changes, external changes, changes in the ordinary society, or in some favors that someone might do for us. You are Gods, and you are the future rulers of different cosmoses, so who would you count on? All the beings are counting on you!" (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
However, I was pursuing everyday people's sympathy in order to gain fame and fortune, and to live an everyday person's life. Even my bosses were deceived. To keep their titles, they served as assistants to Jiang's regime. Some of them willingly and deliberately applied economic and mental pressures on me in order to force me to give up my cultivation. They were reduced to pitiful lives utilized by the old forces. But I was hoping to obtain mercy from them. This was the reason why I was repeatedly persecuted over the years. I shouldn't have acknowledged all these, including forced labor "reeducation" and release. This was all persecution forced on me by the old forces.
Teacher said,
"It was as if I scooped you out of hell back then. (Applause) I have truly borne for you the sins you committed over hundreds and thousands of years. And it doesn't stop at just that. Because of this, I will also save you and turn you into Gods. I have spared no effort for you in this process. Along with this, since you'll become Gods at levels that high, I have to give you the honors of Gods at levels that high and all the blessings that you need to have at levels that high." (Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
But I had been breeding my desire to live an everyday person's life.
I have been sending forth righteous thought around the clock, but I have never accomplished quietness for five minutes. When I experienced discomfort for a long time, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil forces and their control over me, and asked Teacher to help me eliminate the evil. The stomach pain stopped immediately. But as soon as I began to wonder if it still hurt, the pain started in no time. I didn't firmly believe that "Dafa disciples' righteous thoughts are powerful" (Title of Teachers' Article published on April 24, 2001), didn't firmly believe in Teacher. Therefore, the old forces would lead me astray, drag me down with long-term discomfort, let me slack off, let me doubt, and eventually lead me to ruin.
Moreover, every time I was unwell, I sought relief from pain by copying the Fa and by reading "Zhuan Falun" repeatedly. My starting point was wrong. I studied the Fa with pursuit, especially when I sought quantity instead of quality. I not only studied in vain, but also failed to respect Dafa and Teacher. The old forces took it as a pretext for further persecution.
Sometimes, I thought that as long as I didn't give up my principles and continued my cultivation, I could find another way to make a living if I couldn't make ends meet in this way. Couldn't I make a living based on my skill and effort? But this thought wasn't a complete denial of the old force's arrangement based on the Fa. It was more about fighting and showing off under the direction of my desire for fame and fortune. All of these are loopholes of which the evil forces take advantage.
Experience Sharing Is a Form of Cultivation That Teacher Has Passed On to Us. It Allows Dafa Disciples to Improve Together as One Entity.
Through experience sharing with other practitioners, I bravely exposed my shortcomings. Other practitioners helped me to improve my xinxing, sent forth righteous thoughts to reinforce my righteous thoughts, and helped me eliminate the evil. During this process, I found another loophole: I was lacking awareness of the whole group. I only thought about my own health, but was apathetic about reading reports about how other practitioners were arrested and persecuted. When I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements in other spaces that had damaged Dafa material centers, it was very superficial. It was a manifestation of my selfishness, which gave another excuse for the evil persecution in the long run.
Stand Fast on the Way of Cultivation
At the moment when I felt unwell and when I was persecuted by the malicious people, the first thought I should have had was to completely deny the old forces' evil arrangement. I should have thought to stand fast on the way of cultivation during the Fa-rectification as arranged by Teacher, because the mighty virtue of Dafa disciples is established by breaking through the ties of the evil old forces and offering compassionate salvation to the sentient beings, instead of bearing with the evil persecution. Dafa disciples are magnificent because they exist in the same era as the Fa-rectification.
Some Dafa practitioners do it very well. On feeling unwell and encountering difficulties, they realize immediately that it is due to the interference of the old forces. They think, "It would be hard to find you [old force,] but now you send yourselves to trouble." They immediately send forth strong righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil in its cradle.
After experiencing several rounds of serious physical discomfort, I feel more deeply how holy and dignified Dafa is and how compassionate and great Teacher is. I have gained stronger faith in cultivation in the Fa-rectification period following Teacher. I have also realized how pressing the time is for the Fa-rectification. Besides sending forth righteous thoughts around the clock every day, I should grasp every chance to clarify the truth, to offer salvation to the sentient beings and to study the Fa with a quiet heart.