A few days ago, I was shocked to find that I had actually been fostering the immoral mentality of using Dafa.

In my daily life I was engaged in Fa-rectification work by clarifying the truth, sending forth righteous thoughts, studying the Fa and practicing the exercises. My basic motivation, however, was to use Dafa and Teacher in order to gain improvement and Perfection, rather than to safeguard Dafa and Teacher, validate the Fa and save sentient beings.

In "Dafa Cannot be Used" Teacher says,

"Even so, a problem has come along and has manifest itself among ordinary humans. For example, some people who used to oppose Dafa or did not believe in Dafa have also come to learn to practice Dafa cultivation. Dafa can save all beings. I do not object to anyone coming to learn it, and in fact I have been teaching Dafa to all beings. The key point is that deep down inside these people do not regard me as their true master. Their purpose for learning Dafa is to use it to protect things deep down inside that they cannot let go of, things in religion, or God. This is an act of plagiarizing the Fa. The intention of using Dafa is itself an unforgivable sin. For some of them, however, the human side of their minds is not quite so aware; therefore, I have been observing them all along. "

Looking back, I was once the kind of person that used to oppose Dafa. As far back as the summer of 1996, I saw Teacher's illustrations of Falun Gong exercises, but didn't believe that a few movements of Qigong could do any good. There was also my human notion of thinking the illustrations were badly printed. Because I was controlled by my thought-karma, I even swore at Teacher. However, Teacher didn't abandoned me or stop taking care of me. In early 1997, I read Zhuan Falun and felt good about it, although I still couldn't let go of various attachments. It wasn't until after a month of calculating losses and gains that I finally began cultivating in Dafa. I brought many fundamental attachments with me into my cultivation practice, in particular, the mentality of using Dafa. However, the human side of my mind was "not quite so aware" (from "Dafa Cannot Be Used"). As soon as Teacher published this article in March of 1999, this issue was presented to me. At the time, I had not yet received this article, although I had previously always received Teacher's articles on time. It was a month later that I received this article from a fellow practitioner. Nevertheless, at that time, I did not believe I had things of religion or God on my mind that could not be let go of, and "no second cultivation way" that was discussed in the Dafa book, Zhuan Falun, was not an issue for me either. So, after much pondering, I decided that I was not using Dafa.

"There is actually also a group of people who came like this and have completely changed their original understanding, becoming determined, genuine Dafa disciples. But there is still another group of people who do not intend to change and who have long been stumbling along in Dafa. For the sake of Dafa's stability in the human world, I cannot condone their continuing any further. Thus, they will really miss their chance. As I said, superficial changes are for others to see. Whether or not you can be saved depends on the change and ascension of your own heart. If change does not occur there, you cannot improve and nothing can be achieved. Actually, it is because of reading Zhuan Falun that your body has been somewhat blessed on the surface. Other than that, you have not attained anything. With a mind that ill, could you attain anything else?" (From "Dafa Cannot be Used")

Except for the first six months after obtaining the Fa, during which I had the joy of "those who have obtained it were delighted with it," that Teacher wrote in "Seeking Discipleship with Teacher," for the six years that followed, my cultivation practice suffered a great deal. I was aware of this suffering, which resulted in not making any improvements, even after having studied the Fa for a long time. Many times, even after reading through Zhuan Falun from beginning to end, I did not see any change. For a long time, I wanted to get rid of a lot of attachments, and although I knew that I should have been diligent, I was always unable to do so. I experienced wide mood swings and many times found myself unable to practice the exercises due to my bad mood. I had "long been stumbling along in Dafa," that Teacher wrote about in the article "Dafa Cannot Be Used," and I mentally bargained with Teacher, "I have been diligent and have done Dafa work, so you should elevate my level; if I am not diligent, you will no longer have to take care of me." The external manifestations of this were the following: Fellow practitioners all considered me to be a poor practitioner. I lay down when studying the Fa or listening to Teacher's lectures, displaying a lack of respect for Dafa. My family members opposed Dafa and opposed my studying the Fa. After July 20, 1999, I experienced many tribulations and my cultivation took a major detour.

The period between July 20, 1999, and the end of 2001, marked the darkest days of my cultivation path. On one hand, I only wanted to get something from Dafa, but was unwilling to give anything. Therefore Teacher was in no position to take care of me. On the other hand, the old forces ruthlessly tested me. The loneliness and desperation I experienced during that time was absolutely unimaginable. The old forces used my attachments to create huge tribulations for me, in order to destroy me. Many times I was locked away in mental institutions, detention centers and brainwashing classes, and on multiple occasions was forced to leave home to avoid persecution. However, none of these tribulations caused me to recognize my attachment to using Dafa.

Since early 2002, I actively and diligently began Fa-validation work, distributing flyers and sending mailers. However, my basic motivation was still one of wanting to cultivate, in order to elevate my level. After tempering that motivation, I am now able to recognize my attachment of using Dafa for my own merit. In my daily life, I now pay attention to harmonizing and perfecting the Fa at the everyday human level and am careful to do well the things among ordinary people. I pay more attention to clarifying the truth and exposing the evil to everyone around me. After experiencing it for six years and seven months, I finally recognize my deeply rooted attachment of using Dafa.

The mentality of using Dafa is an unforgivable sin. For instance, whenever I would fail the test of lust in my sleep or dreams, or oversleep and miss my practice, then with the attachment of using Dafa, I would blame it on Teacher. As soon as I realized that I would not be able to get anything, the attachment of using Dafa would make me blame it on Teacher and Dafa. (This could easily be confused with thought-karma.) After July 20, 1999, when TV programs began to horribly defame Teacher, I thought they were just a test to see whether I was steadfast in Dafa; and if those people who defamed Teacher wanted to destroy themselves, let them do so -- what's that got to do with me? The thought of saving sentient beings and safeguarding Dafa and Teacher did not occur to me. Sometimes I even had this sinful thought, namely, of how I should act in the event that Teacher should return to China. My standpoint was entirely based upon my desire to elevate my level, and the thought of safeguarding Teacher never entered my mind.

Using Dafa is intrinsically very similar to the manifestation of the old forces, who also respect Teacher absolutely. Although Teacher has given them many Fa-lectures, nevertheless it is as he wrote in "Dafa Cannot Be Used": "deep down inside they do not regard me as their true master." Instead, they exploit Teacher and Dafa in order to achieve their goal. I think the following four paragraphs of quotation are uniquely related to this issue.

"During the period of degeneration and destruction, the old cosmos's beings still have Buddha nature. However, while the great firmament is in the period of disintegration, no being can escape it, and that fate is inevitable. So as for the old cosmos's beings' Buddha nature, it is impossible to bring them any hope of sustaining their existence. Master came, bringing with Him the most original, perfect and all-encompassing Fa, and entering into this period of the cosmos's history that is already close to the stage of disintegration. This forged the fate of all of the beings in the old cosmos, as well as the complete basis for the beings that are able to enter the all-new cosmos. It was Master who brought the hope for life to the old cosmos's beings, and it was Master who granted to the old cosmos's beings the possibility for them to enter a future that has no connection to their past." (from a Clearwisdom article of August 30, 2003, "Singing the Praises of Master and Dafa *With Master's Comment")

"So the old cosmos's beings and this force that was formed by the old cosmos have been evaluating Master and Dafa using their narrow-minded, warped intelligence and way of thinking, and they never could put the relationship among Master, Fa-rectification, Dafa, and cultivators of Dafa in the right perspective. They even go as far as trying to manipulate Master and severely impeding Fa-rectification, intending to impose what they want upon the all-new Dafa." (from a Clearwisdom article of August 30, 2003, "Singing the Praises of Master and Dafa *With Master's Comment")

Teacher wrote,

"There's another issue, which is, a few students recently have had some incorrect states. This problem is very serious, too. It's the result of many different things. One primary reason is, since your levels have risen and Master has told you the Attainment Status you'll achieve, you are more confident and bold now, and you feel pretty self-assured--I can only describe it with these lower words of human beings, since there aren't any fitting words for it. So some people have said, 'We don't need to respect Master anymore. We just need to follow the Fa, and take the Fa as teacher.'" (from Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)

"Everything I've been doing during the Fa-rectification and everything I want, to spell it out, are the choice of the future cosmos and the needs of the future cosmos. (Applause) So for the beings of the old cosmos, and this includes all the elements of beings, when it comes to the Fa-rectification and what I choose, all beings' harmonizing and completing things according to my choices and contributing their best ideas and approaches--not to change what I want, but to harmonize and complete things according to what I've said--is the best thought a being in the cosmos could have. (Applause) But the old forces haven't been doing it that way. They've considered their choices the most essential, and have thought that everything I do should harmonize everything they want--they've completely reversed it. I don't want to state their crimes too harshly, right now I don't want to name their crimes. But it's absolutely wrong, they absolutely can't do it that way." (from Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)

In terms of my situation, it was because I couldn't let go of my selfish attitude of "I want to elevate and I want to cultivate" that I had used Dafa. "I want to elevate and I want to cultivate" is a well-hidden attachment. It requires careful contemplation in order to distinguish this attachment that will not be allowed to exist in the new cosmos. For example, when my family members asked me to do things for them, I would be upset because they distracted me from "I want to elevate and I want to cultivate." In fact, however, it was not my true self that was upset. For instance, from time to time I worried that the "610 Office" would come and arrest me. Actually, it was because of "I want to elevate and I want to cultivate" that I was worried. My main worry was that if I could not endure it and became brainwashed, all my previous efforts would have been wasted.

After I recognized the said situation, my attachment of fear abated, and my general situation has also changed for the better. My family members no longer oppose me so much over studying the Fa. These past few days, the effect of my clarifying the truth has been better, with several very stubborn people changing their ways of thinking.