Learning to Treat Difficulties as Gifts

(Minghui.org) My wife (a fellow Falun Dafa practitioner) and I drove our large, old recreational vehicle (RV) from upstate New York back to our home in Canada last year. We could no longer stay in New York due to my father-in-law’s failing health.

Our old, custom-made RV kept breaking down, and it was hard to find spare parts or experienced mechanics who could repair the vehicle. The tribulations encountered throughout this 3,000-mile journey uncovered my long-standing attachments and misconceptions about cultivation.

I used to believe that my inability to overcome lust and the desire for comfort were the main attachments that triggered my depression, laziness, and despair. I believed my pursuit of comfort and other worldly desires were proof of my unworthiness of cultivating Dafa, and I viewed my self-loathing as a “natural” outcome.

This trip made me realize that my perception of being “unworthy of cultivating Dafa” and self-loathing were actually symptoms of deeper gaps in my cultivation state.

Driving this 48-year-old RV was a constant strain on my nerves. Although I refrained from confiding in my wife, each unusual noise, strange smell, or change in engine temperature instantly put me on alert.

Yet this tribulation was exactly what I needed. By forcing me to repeatedly face my thoughts and emotional reactions, I learned to let go of my human thoughts. I struggled with persistent “regret.” Why did I buy this RV, and why did I drive it to New York? Did I really consider the feasibility of living long term like that? Had I wasted a lot of money?

I was forced to constantly face and let go of these thoughts, reminding myself that everything in life is arranged by Master. Even these apparently wrong decisions were stepping stones toward improving myself. My regrets continued to resurface, mile by mile, hour by hour. This tempering helped lay the foundation for my subsequent breakthroughs.

After a spate of minor and major problems that required constant repairs, we decided to visit a repair shop that specialized in repairing this type of RV. The shop was also able to manufacture customized parts. In all, we spent $2,700 on repairs.

The mechanics working there were rude, but I remained calm and refrained from having any bad thoughts. Although I tried clarifying the truth about the persecution to the shop manager, I failed to establish a good rapport with him. After the repairs were completed, I gave the staff a truth-clarification leaflet before continuing our journey. I was relaxed and relieved to find that the RV was now more stable.

As we drove into a beautiful purple sunset, a thought crossed my mind, “We’re finally returning home.” I experienced a quiet joy, thinking about the smooth sailing journey ahead, before settling down to a pleasant, comfortable life in our home in Canada.

The moment that thought crossed my mind, a terrible cracking sound came from the front wheel, and the RV veered sharply to the right. I instantly braked, only to hear a screeching sound. Luckily, I managed to stop at a nearby exit.

After calming my nerves, I offered thanks to Master. Fortunately, the RV had broken down just before an exit, otherwise we would have been stranded in the middle of a very busy highway.

When I checked the vehicle, I discovered that the broken part was the same component I had spent a month’s salary having repaired. The RV had completely broken down, and we were stranded a day’s drive from the repair shop.

This ordeal led me to several realizations. My desire to enjoy a smooth, comfortable life had been exposed. My warm feelings toward “reaching home” were an illusion that had to be discarded. I could not circumvent the ordeals I needed to face through monetary means, such as by paying for repairs.

While waiting for the tow truck, my despair gradually transformed into enlightenment. I realized these setbacks were all insignificant. The real problem was my regret. My desire for the comfort of “home” was actually trivial in nature.

All I wanted in the end was a quick conclusion to this journey so I could focus on my job. For the first time in a while, I longed to return to my job and give it my all. I found this realization a precious gift.

The tow truck arrived hours later and we returned to the repair shop after a long journey. I caught a quick two-hour-nap before getting up to greet the shop manager. Thinking that this would not be easy for him either, I was calm and relaxed. But when I spoke to him, the shop manager displayed incredible indifference, seemingly unconcerned that the repaired part had broken down so soon, or that we had spent the entire night dealing with it.

The mechanic arrived a short time later. Although he was less rude than he had been before, he refused to believe me when I told him the part he had repaired was broken. He took the RV for a test drive, believing that the fault lay with other components despite my continued reiterations that the fault lay with the repaired part. After a few rounds of test driving, I began to get a little impatient. Only after he got his assistant to stand outside and confirm that the sound of friction was coming from the front tires, did the mechanic finally believe me and begin repairs.

The mechanic confided that in his decades of experience, he had never seen anything like the situation we experienced. I realized this was specifically arranged for my cultivation, to expose my desire for a trouble-free journey and a comfortable home. I believed that as long as the RV was fixed, I could avoid further trouble.

I tried to be considerate of the mechanic and the shop manager throughout the process. The shop had to foot the expensive bill for the broken part and repairs. I made sure to express my understanding and lack of resentment. When I introduced Falun Dafa to them this time, the situation was completely different. They expressed interest and acceptance. The mechanic became very friendly and even told me about his daughter and her predicament, saying he felt Falun Dafa might be able to help her.

After the repairs were completed, we hit the road again. I looked forward to reaching the highest point of the Rocky Mountains, as that would mean the end of our long, uphill journey. A few days later, as we closed in on the summit, I discovered that our brakes had failed while making my way through a construction zone. I immediately downshifted the gears, released the accelerator and slowly brought the RV to a stop.

Shocked at the close call, I told my wife that the brakes had failed! She dismissively replied, “Didn’t we already come to a stop?!” Faced with this recurring sore spot in our relationship, my temper began to flare. When we encountered difficulties, my wife would look down on me whenever I displayed worry. Instead of offering support and trust, she would cut me down as being “emotional.” Facing her rejection, I would give up and seek others’ help.

Her disappointment in me stemmed from my inability to handle situations calmly like a man. I, on the other hand, simply wanted her to offer care and support when faced with severe challenges. My “weakness” unsettled her.

I had conditioned myself for years to stop seeking my wife’s support. I tried to be independent, treating each thing as a personal problem to resolve while pretending she did not exist and was not involved.

That night, unable to locate any repair shops willing to fix this old, custom RV, I tried to fix the brakes on my own, but this caused me to sink further into frustration and loneliness.

While taking a break, my poor mental state prompted me to express to my wife my disappointment with her attitude. It was a difficult conversation. While I was always there for her, supporting her whenever she faced difficulties, she wanted me to face any difficulties alone without support. My inability to remain unaffected would trigger her disdain. More importantly, this situation reaffirmed a deep-seated belief within me—that I was unworthy.

Our conversation did not go smoothly, but we gained a new understanding of each other. As I lay on the sofa immersed in despair, something entirely new and unexpected happened.

My wife gently asked me to share my thoughts. There was no judgment or blame in her voice, which allowed me to slowly think before answering. After a while, I told her I had come to a sudden realization, that I had been treating my hardships as punishment.

I used to believe I encountered tribulations because I was inherently unworthy and not a good cultivator. After talking aloud to my wife, I realized how wrong this concept was.

The various tribulations faced throughout this journey helped me to enlighten, and what I learned during this process far surpassed what I shared here. So how could tribulations be viewed as mere punishments?

I finally began to embrace these hardships, and regard them as precious things arranged by Master. This revelation melted something long frozen in my heart, and my feelings of isolation from Dafa disappeared. I deserved to face and treat myself with compassion, even if I could not meet my own expectations, failed to pass a test, spent my time unwisely watching online videos, or even if I lost my temper.

High up in the Rocky Mountains that day, I felt a warmth bloom in my heart and flow through my entire body, dissolving the self-loathing that had plagued me for years, and soothing my weary soul.

When I decided to cultivate kindness toward myself, I felt reborn. Thinking back to that moment, I can’t help but shed tears. This monumental realization guided me to a new level in my spiritual practice.

I could view my attachments without judgment, which allowed me to discern the causes, consequences, and related concepts of each attachment, something I had not been able to do before. Because I cared for myself, I also felt cared for by the world. My heart became lighter, and it became second nature to be kinder to those around me. Compassion toward myself was essential in developing compassion toward others. As a life existing within this universe, I had to apply the law of the universe to myself. In the past, I viewed myself through a distorted lens of “truth”—a harsh honesty that never excused my shortcomings. But without applying compassion toward myself, I could never adhere to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

Although I spent a long time attempting to fix the brakes on the RV, they did not feel truly fixed. Yet the brakes were back to normal the next day, as though they had never failed.

Because I had felt so unworthy, making progress had been difficult for me. I told myself that I had to continue cultivating because there were sentient beings that needed to be saved. Regardless of my ability to reach the goal of cultivation or not, this precious opportunity was always there. After resolving to have compassion toward myself, I found new joy in cultivation and Fa study. Even doing the exercises became an act of kindness toward myself.

With only a few days left before we reached home, a new problem arose. The RV occasionally required several turns of the key to start, suggesting a potential problem with the starter motor or solenoid valve. I found myself unconcerned over this new development. One evening after dinner, the RV refused to start but I found that my mental state nonetheless remained calm.

“Let’s sleep here tonight,” I told my wife. A little worried, she asked me to try again. The RV successfully started, and we continued on our way.

A series of tribulations awaited us on our return home. Our tenants had slept in our bed, made a mess of the house, damaged our door, and blocked the entrance to our home with their bicycles. My wife’s uncle unexpectedly turned up drunk and fell asleep in his vehicle after parking his truck in our driveway. We had nowhere to park our RV and were faced with a multitude of trivial problems. I accepted this situation as a gift.

My struggles with comfort, lust, and laziness continue. Feelings of sadness also often surface. I continue to struggle at my job, since it often amplifies my weaknesses. But I am now able to discern that human emotions play a significant role, and overcoming this emotion requires compassion. Without peace and compassion, I lack the ability to feel warmth toward myself. In turn, any suffering I face cannot contribute to my growth, because I would not see it as part of cultivation. Without Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, cultivation becomes a mechanical act of “doing or not doing,” rather than changing “what I am.”

These past few weeks have been extremely difficult. My father-in-law’s declining health meant he had to move in with us. He has difficulty sleeping, so he habitually creates noise all night. My inability to sleep well during this period has severely impacted my regular Fa study, exercises, and work.

Writing this sharing has been a precious opportunity to remind myself of this great gift of suffering, and to reexamine the tribulations I face. I look forward to seeing what new understandings this tribulation will lead me to and discovering how Master had a hand in helping me elevate.