(Minghui.org) I never thought I had resentment—I felt I had nothing to complain about, let alone resent. Three generations of my family practice cultivation, and as the elders, my husband and I are respected by our children, and they are very considerate of us.
Every day, aside from preparing meals for the family, my husband and I focus on doing the three things well—we study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts, and work on truth-clarification projects to help Master save people. We also practice the Falun Dafa exercises. It seemed I had nothing to resent. But something happened recently that served as a wake-up call.
When I was in elementary school, a girl a few years older than me mocked and insulted me because I had a scar on my face. She rallied the other girls in the class to ridicule and isolate me. I was deeply hurt, and I became timid, and insecure. It was not until she dropped out after fourth grade that my painful experience came to an end. But my resentment toward her remained buried deep in my heart.
When we were adults she and her mother moved next door to my family’s home, and we were only separated by a wall. They were very poor, so she often borrowed things from us. Whenever she did, she tried to chat with me, but I never responded. I later attended school and worked in other places so I seldom went home. As decades passed, I gradually forgot about her.
But my mind wandered recently while I studied the Fa and did the exercises. Images of her from my childhood resurfaced—the scenes of my being mocked and bullied were vivid, and all those old grievances from years ago came flooding back.
It had been decades—I had long forgotten about her. So why did she keep appearing in my mind? This made me realize that my resentment was deeply buried. I understood that Master was enlightening me. After more than thirty years of cultivation, resentment was still hidden deep in my heart. How could I fulfill our mission of assisting Master in saving people if I still had resentment?
I realized that everyone has different predestined relationships and different amounts of karma. If I hadn’t endured humiliation and hardship since childhood to eliminate my karma, I might have missed my chance to obtain the Fa. Looking at it from this perspective, I should truly be deeply grateful for, and cherish Master’s painstaking arrangements.
When I tried to find her I learned that she passed away over thirty years ago. This meant I no longer had the opportunity to resolve that grievance and tell her about Falun Dafa. I was deeply regretful.
I realized it was time to seriously examine myself. Did I have indicators of resentment? Absolutely. When I coordinated with other practitioners to make phone calls to save people, if the answer rate was low or people hung up immediately, I became agitated. I wondered if the phone numbers were not well maintained, if the person making the calls was a beginner, or if I should work with someone else. Instead of seriously looking within, adjusting myself, strengthening my righteous thoughts, or encouraging each other, I developed resentment. As for the people who answered the calls, some not only refused to listen or said things like, “Are you out of your mind? Get lost!” and then hang up. When I called back, they would not answer. This also left me feeling unsettled.
I also resented my husband. For decades, he’s been caring and loving toward everyone in the family and he always worked hard. He’s also been tolerant and accommodating toward me, and never held grudges. Yet I was never content. I constantly nitpicked his faults and was often dissatisfied with him. Complaining, criticizing, and even resenting him became my second nature. It felt so natural and justified that I could not even detect it myself. After more than thirty years of cultivation, I realized I hadn’t cultivated myself well in this area.
I now realize that resentment and hatred originate from selfishness. Selfishness also made me ungrateful—I did not know how to be thankful. Because every time I complained, it was actually an opportunity arranged by Master for me to cultivate my heart and improve. But instead of seizing the opportunity to look within and improve myself, I complained and blamed others, thus creating karma.
The book The Ultimate Goal of Communism states, “The essence of communism is an evil specter. It is composed of hatred and degenerate matter from the lower levels of the universe. It hates and wants to destroy humanity.” Hatred is the nature of the communist evil specter.
As cultivators, we are well aware of the danger of hatred. It is truly terrifying. Now that I understand this, it is time to eliminate it. I can no longer tolerate it or allow it to exist in my dimensional field. I must disintegrate it and eliminate it. I need to study the Fa more, remove resentment, and send righteous thoughts to destroy it. I must remain vigilant against this human heart of complaint and resentment. The moment it stirs, I will immediately use righteous thoughts to disintegrate and eliminate it.
In fact, resentment is not the only human attachment I have. Vanity, the desire to save face, fear, and many other human attachments all exist within me. I am grateful for Master’s enlightenment, which has awakened me.
As beings who have come to obtain the Fa, all the hardships we endure are carefully arranged by Master for our journey home. These are opportunities to eliminate human attachments and improve ourselves. Let’s not complain or harbor hatred. Let only gratitude and appreciation for Master and Dafa remain in our hearts. Let us be true Falun Dafa practitioners during the Fa-rectification period, so that our compassionate and great Master may have less to worry about.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!