(Minghui.org) I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for 29 years, and I’m very grateful for Master’s compassionate salvation. Before I practiced I was a self-centered person full of karma, and I had a bad temper. After I began practicing I understood the meaning of life. I’m now grateful and I consider others first. Master endured countless hardships for us. He does not ask for anything in return and only hopes we become great enlightened beings. I know I must advance diligently and save more sentient beings, to be worthy of Master’s salvation. I’d like to tell you how I broke through the interference of thought karma, got rid of the attachment to when the persecution will end, increased my Fa study and regained the state of cultivating as if I were just starting.

After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa in July 1999, I was not intimated by the Party’s lies and propaganda. I never doubted Master or Dafa. I was very clear that Falun Dafa is righteous and Master is saving people. I was not interfered with by the persecution and I steadily did the three things.

During the COVID pandemic the CCP’s brutal lockdown policy and mandatory daily nucleic acid testing really pushed people to the limits of their endurance. My anger towards the Party also reached its peak. Despite the harsh environment I insisted on studying the Fa, practicing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts every day. When we were required to take the nucleic acid test I used the opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa. My anger towards the CCP was so strong that I doubted it would ever be punished for its crimes.

The corrupt Party officials and some other people follow the CCP to relentlessly persecute Falun Dafa practitioners. Now the CCP has used this lockdown to persecute all Chinese people. How could such evil not be punished by heaven? I felt this great tragedy of evil persecuting good unfolding in the world. I wondered why the heavenly principle of good is rewarded and evil is punished did not manifest.

I couldn’t set aside my doubts and confusion and this affected my cultivation. For the first time since I began practicing I could not concentrate when I read the Fa. My thoughts wandered—I thought about past events, work, the CCP’s shameless lies and the infiltration overseas against Dafa, etc. My thoughts were like a boiling pot that I couldn’t suppress.

What disturbed me the most was that I could not concentrate when I read the Fa and my brain felt tired and dull afterward. It took me hours to read one lecture, and the result was still not good, nothing like when I first began practicing. Sometimes I couldn’t absorb even one sentence of the Fa after I read it several times. I repeatedly read each sentence until I felt I understood the meaning of what Master said. I began to look inward calmly to see what caused my inability to absorb the Fa and why I doubted the heavenly principles.

I found thought karma interfered with me, made me restless, and weakened my righteous thoughts. My resentment for the CCP strengthened my thought karma. After I identified the root cause, I focused when I sent righteous thoughts and targeted my thought karma and resentment. In order to help me focus when I read the Fa I recited Zhuan Falun. I usually recite the section: “Your Main Consciousness Should Dominate” in Zhuan Falun in order to clear my thought karma.

I always thought I didn’t have an attachment to the end of the persecution until last summer when I practiced the second exercise. My thoughts were muddled and I realized the persecution had lasted 25 years. I asked myself whether my cultivation could succeed in this harsh situation. I could not see any changes in my cultivation state or in the environment. I felt hopeless. The environment in China was caused by the CCP and has been very chaotic. People’s morals continue to deteriorate. I never doubted Master and Dafa but its really painful to endure this kind of suffering which did not come from hardship in cultivation, but from the CCP’s persecution against practitioners. When will these dark days end and how long will the persecution last? When will the CCP finally disintegrate? I realized my attachment to the end of the persecution came from my resentment for the CCP.

I looked calmly inward and asked myself why I worried about the future. I realized it was my resentment for the CCP and thought karma that caused my instability, which in turn caused me to doubt my cultivation. When I looked deeper, I found my desire to be comfortable—I wanted the persecution to end as soon as possible. I felt I was at the limit of my endurance and this was the darkest and most depressing time. Just then I remembered Master’s Fa,

“At a certain point in time, you will be made unable to discern clearly whether something is true or not, whether your gong exists or not, whether or not you can cultivate and make it, or whether or not there are Buddhas and if they are real. In the future, these situations will surface again to give you this false impression and make you feel as though they do not exist and are all false—it is to see whether you are determined. You say that you must be firm and sure-footed. With this determination, if you can indeed be firmly resolute at that point, you will naturally do well because your xinxing will have already improved.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I saw my unrighteous thoughts and reminded myself, “I’m determined to get through this darkest period. I can definitely make it.”

The first time I read this section of the Fa, I felt I would never be in this situation, and I would never doubt that I could succeed in cultivation. Yet, after 29 years of cultivation, I found myself having doubts amidst the CCP’s persecution; as a result of my resentment. This showed that I fundamentally lacked firm belief in Master and Dafa. Claiming I never doubted Master and Dafa was actually covering up my attachments.

I wrote down this section of Master’s Fa and recited it whenever I had time. When I woke up the next morning, I felt the haze of doubt was gone. I was no longer pessimistic and I was back on track—cultivating diligently, as if it never happened. More importantly, the torment in my mind was gone and I could once again concentrate during Fa-Study.

In order to help me get rid of my desire to comfort, Master tried every way to enlighten me. I read a Minghui article, “Hardships Accompany Me in Cultivation,” which quoted Master’s Fa. I felt Master spoke to me directly,

“People in the society of ordinary people think that if they live quite comfortably with no disasters or hardships, if each day is pleasant and carefree, and if they’re not short of money and have everything they need, then God is compassionate toward them and is being really good to them. Let me tell you though, that God isn’t like that. If He were really that way, He would be being terrible to people. That’s because human reasoning is totally reversed.” (Teachings at the Conference in Switzerland)

I suddenly enlightened that cultivation is the process of cultivating our minds, getting rid of our attachments and eliminating our karma. I should not have the desire to be comfortable and the wish to escape this cultivation environment. The environment in China is also arranged by Master’s Fa-Rectification. Practitioners signed a vow with Master in prehistoric times and we must fulfill our missions.

I understand that my resentment for the CCP is the root of my thought karma and attachments. Hatred is the Party’s nature and a manifestation of how evil it is. Practitioners must get rid of this hatred. Master helped me eliminate the thought karma and the substance of hatred, get rid of my desire for comfort, and correct my unrighteous thoughts. Master is always by our side, protecting us. Master truly spared no effort to guide us to enlightenment!

I remind myself to not use human notions to imagine the end of the persecution, as everything is arranged according to the needs of Master’s Fa-Rectification. Master came to save all sentient beings and he knows each practitioners’ situation and attachments, and he made arrangements to help us see them.

I must fulfill my historic mission of helping Master rectify the Fa by advancing diligently, studying the Fa well, assimilating to the Fa, maintaining righteous thoughts at all times, and always believe in Master and the Fa. Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation!

These are my cultivation experiences and understanding of the Fa at my level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.