(Minghui.org) I was born into a family of atheists, and my parents were very bad-tempered. They often beat me, used me as a punching bag, and said unpleasant words to scold and ridicule me. I thought about running away from home multiple times, but I never took action. I was bullied a lot when I was in school. In such an environment, my personality became cowardly. I felt inferior, and unwilling to interact with others.
When my life was in a very dark place, a classmate gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun, the main text of Falun Dafa. Besides reading the book, I went to the Dafa practice site to study the Fa with other practitioners. My life became brighter after stepping into cultivation. Being with Dafa practitioners, I gradually became cheerful. Practitioners took good care of me given my young age. They held themselves to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and were sincere and kind. I felt wonderful being with them.
I have been practicing Falun Dafa for more than two decades. I went from being a young person who knew nothing about the world, to being middle-aged. No matter what kind of environment or setting it was, I’ve held onto my faith in Dafa. It was Dafa that gave me light and hope. I would therefore like to share some of my cultivation stories.
My husband was ill-tempered. He smashed things when he disagreed with me, and then walked away. I ended up cleaning up the messes after him. He beat me and our child, often ate and drank outside until late, and had little to do with the housework.
Dafa teaches me to be tolerant and kind to others. Even though I couldn’t let go of my problems emotionally, I still supported our family. No matter how my husband treated me, I took care of the store that he and I operated together, and also took good care of our child. When he had a temper tantrum and smashed the beer bottles in the store, I picked up the broken glass. He was smashing them while I was cleaning up the area, which happened a lot.
I told my parents-in-law about it, but they ended up criticizing me. I felt as if I had no place to vent my grievances. Due to the various unpleasant experiences during my pregnancy and confinement, I became even more resentful of my husband and in-laws. Since I couldn’t let go of my attachments, I felt exhausted, and my body was in trouble. I started to lose my hair and teeth, and the hair that I did have turned gray. I even lost consciousness and fell down.
I understood that I should really look inward. I hadn’t been able to let go of resentment toward my husband for a long time. Consequently, this made him always behave meanly toward me. I felt so sorry for him. I also felt jealous, thinking that life was unfair to me, and I thus felt unbalanced in my heart. I still yearned for a better life, and wanted something in return. I hoped that he could see my efforts and be nice to me. Although I endured it silently on the surface, my heart was full of resentment and grievance, and I fantasized that my endurance would pay off some day.
Everything came down to my pursuit of everyday people’s matters. Even though I was looking inward and studying the Fa, I couldn’t let it go deep down. This kind of bad emotion often controlled me, and I felt that I was in too much pain. I pursued regular people things, clung to them, and was unwilling to change. I did not regard these things as good opportunities to improve my xinxing, neither did I use these tribulations to cleanse and improve myself.
I remembered that some practitioners had passed away due to their resentment. For instance, a practitioner who suffered from serious illness karma couldn’t let go of resentment toward her husband until her very last moment. I realized that besides our own karma, there were traps set by the old forces, which used our family to wear down our will in cultivation. This was one of the most vicious methods utilized by the old forces. They used this to destroy our families and our cultivation.
My husband said to me more than once, “As long as you stop practicing, I’ll listen to you for everything. Otherwise, whatever I do can never be too harsh.” This was clearly the goal the old forces wanted to achieve.
It is easier to overcome the difficulties created by others, but when in a family, especially a husband or wife we live with day and night, treats us in the most cruel way, hurts us wantonly, and does whatever they want in the name of family, this kind of harm is the greatest, and sometimes fatal. The old forces use our historical sins and attachments to control our family members to do many bad things. These family members are the most pitiful, so we must treat them with compassion, especially when it’s very likely there are powerful factors behind them rendering them unable to resist, and forcing them to behave as they do.
Many practitioners have lost their will to cultivate due to the various kinds of harm they received from their families, even to the point of passing away. They brought regrets to their cultivation. Moreover, they didn’t manage to save their family members, but rather fell into the traps set by the old forces.
We must let go of our sentimentality, treat our family members as sentient beings to be saved, and think from the standpoint of being completely altruistic. That’s how we can improve, save our family, and snap out of the traps set by the old forces.
There are traditional cultural stories on the Minghui.org website that say some people became poisonous sores on their enemies because of resentment, and some people reincarnated as poisonous snakes because of that.
I felt that these attachments were bad lives, such as snakes and toads, entangled in my heart. If it weren’t for practicing Falun Dafa, there would be no way to eliminate them, as those attachments were real lives in other dimensions. Thus, we are so fortunate to practice Dafa. Only by looking inward and truly cultivating can we eliminate our attachments, and so eliminate these bad lives.
After I came to understand this, I stopped feeling the pain, and resenting others. I instead treated these things as good opportunities to temper myself. When my husband had temper tantrums around me, I just thought, “This is a good thing.” It was good in that it helps eliminate my karma and present opportunities to improve my xinxing. I should truly thank him.
When I looked at him again, he appeared to be a pitiful child, being controlled by the old forces without even knowing it. I thought to myself, “I must do well! I must save him.” My mindset changed completely. I was full of compassion, without having any of those negative substances, such as resentment. I began to treat him well and care for him without asking for anything in return.
I felt extremely relieved after letting go of resentment. I also felt the difficulty, helplessness, and pain of others.
My husband manages our family income. I never took care of that, nor did I care about it. But my husband often invested recklessly and lost all of his investment. As our child grew up, the family expenses were rising. We are now living in a tight financial situation. Our financial difficulties have even made my parents-in-law ridicule us. My husband forced me to ask my parents for money, but my parents are nearly 80 years old, so how could I become a burden for them? All these things made me more and more attached to self-interest in recent years. In order to stop my husband from making more investments, I started to save some money secretly.
Since I couldn’t let go of my self-interest, it brought about resentment, jealousy, and a competitive mentality.
Especially in China, people use money to measure a person’s value and success. Without money, it’s difficult to gain a foothold in society. Not only will you live in poverty, but you will be looked down upon, and things will be made difficult at every turn. In such an environment, this desire for profit can become a major obstacle on our cultivation path, because it involves all aspects of life. As practitioners, however, we must eliminate this attachment.
Only by letting go of self-interest, following the natural course, and believing in Master’s every arrangement, can we break through and improve in cultivation. These difficulties are caused by karma, and of course there is interference from the old forces. I should not blame others, as there are no coincidences in one’s cultivation. Poverty and wealth are determined by how one did in one’s previous life. Good or bad things in the world are caused by one’s karma, which represents debts that we have to pay and wishes we have to fulfill.
I no longer worry about gains and losses, nor am I bound by the interests of ordinary people. Instead, I let everything take its course and treat everyone calmly. After letting go of the desire for self-interest, I became relaxed. I felt that everything in the ordinary world was getting farther and farther away from me, and it was so unreal. I have experienced the transcendence and freedom of being in the world, but my mind is outside of it. Cultivation is truly wonderful!
My daughter has been smart and well-behaved since she was young. When she was little, I taught her to recite Hong Yin, let her listen to traditional music and ancient poems, and taught her the principles of life. My husband often drank outside until late at night, then beat and scolded me and my daughter when he returned.
I remember one time when he came back drunk, he grabbed my daughter who was sleeping and beat her hard, without caring about her pleas. Another time, he picked up a printer and smashed it on my daughter’s head. In such an environment, my daughter’s personality became more and more introverted. She felt inferior, and unwilling to interact with others.
My daughter was often wronged and bullied at school. But she was very strong. I never had to worry about her studies and she was always ranked top in her class. Many times, she sang while studying in the house. I still feel very distressed when thinking of her singing, because I don’t know whether she was always optimistic, or was suppressing her pain and trying to stay optimistic in such an environment. She was so young at the time.
When my daughter was in her third year of junior high school, her studies were very intense. We lived in a small apartment. My husband often turned up the volume on the computer without any care for her studies, and came home drunk. Under such circumstances, my daughter often studied alone at school or the library until very late, before heading home.
My daughter was lost and confused. She couldn’t understand why she had followed what her mother taught her about the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, to be a good person and be tolerant to others, as her life was not quite satisfactory, while those who hurt others lived so freely.
I told her that suffering could sharpen oneself, make one stronger, and deepen one’s thoughts. Suffering was a wealth in life. After going through these sufferings, she would feel like a phoenix reborn from the ashes. They’d help broaden her horizons. At the same time, suffering could cleanse one’s sins and elevate one’s realm. Only by maintaining kindness and knowing how to be grateful in troubled times could people move toward the future.
My daughter finally snapped out of her negative thinking. She faced the pressures firmly and became even more excellent at school. She was later admitted to a good high school and then to a key university in the province. At the university, she always ranked first in her field and passed the English proficiency exam. She won many awards in subject competitions, as well as several national and international competitions. This year, she qualified for a postgraduate recommendation, and cities were vying for her. She wanted to study abroad, but our financial conditions did not allow it. My daughter said sensibly that she would find a way to go abroad after studying for a master’s degree and try not to burden us financially.
I sometimes came across people on the Internet saying that today’s college student behaviors were so bad, so I told my daughter not to go down that path. She replied, “Mother, how could the daughter who you educated do that kind of thing?” She once said to me sincerely, “Mother, your teaching and your words have had a profound impact on me.”
I felt truly pleased that Dafa helped me educate such a wonderful daughter. It was also Dafa that made my daughter and me learn to face life with strength and optimism in the midst of suffering. Thank you, Master! Thank you, Falun Dafa!