(Minghui.org) I had a notion about my marriage: I don’t owe my husband anything. My family was better off than his. When we got married, we had no house, no car, not even wedding rings. The wedding and reception were held at my parents’ home, and my side of the family paid for everything.
After we married, my husband constantly criticized me. We opened a shop when our child was nearly a year old—he controlled the money and spent it however he liked. He bought the house and the car without consulting me. He often said, “Your opinion doesn’t matter. I’m simply informing you, not discussing it with you.”
I sometimes couldn’t even get the 2,000 yuan (USD $282) monthly family living expenses without a fight. I snapped one day and said, “If you won’t give me the money, I give up. You go buy groceries. I’ll cook whatever you bring home.”
He retorted, “Why should I go grocery shopping?!”
He constantly complained about me and found fault with everything I did. I looked inward but couldn’t pinpoint the root cause.
I chose to marry him precisely because he was a practitioner, hoping that we could advance together in cultivation practice. However, after we opened the shop, he frequently stopped me from joining the group Fa study, claiming that it interfered with our business. He later stopped me from going out to clarify the facts about the persecution, again citing interference with the shop operations.
I suggested, “If you don’t want me to join the group study, how about you and I read together at home in the evening?”
He replied, “I’m used to studying alone. We should keep it that way.”
I looked inward and tried to share my understanding with him, but he remained stubborn. The more he was attached to the shop, the less money he made. Whenever he had a bit of savings, it either went into failed investments or was spent on expanding projects and a store relocation. When his investments failed, he wouldn’t allow me to say a word.
We also argued frequently over my truth-clarification activities. When I said that I would spend two hours each morning going out to talk to people about Dafa, he flew into a rage and even threatened divorce. I was furious and wondered why he behaved nothing like a practitioner. I felt trapped in a vicious cycle.
It wasn’t until a fellow practitioner said, “The way you described things makes me think the old forces are persecuting you.” This awakened me, and my body trembled. From that point on, I began to gradually shift my perspective to that of a genuine practitioner.
I realized it wasn’t my husband who was preventing me from participating in group Fa study or clarifying the facts to people, nor was it truly him who refused to study the Fa with me. All the actions and behaviors inconsistent with the Fa were not his true self—they were the result of his acquired notions, attachments, and the influence of the evil elements behind them. I firmly refused to allow these things to interfere with me.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to clear them away and, at the same time, I looked inward to identify my own thoughts and attachments that did not align with the Fa. I reminded myself I’m a divine being who strives to meet the standards of the new cosmos. Those notions and attachments were not me!
I was surprised to discover thousands upon thousands of thoughts flashed through my mind each day. I began to focus on cultivating each thought, seizing any unrighteous ones and disintegrating them by reciting the word mie (eliminate).
Whenever a thought arose, I could immediately identify the attachment behind it and dissolve it. I found that every righteous thought I sent forth carried powerful energy.
When I sent righteous thoughts in the past, my mind was like a boiling pot overflowing with all sorts of thoughts. But when I began cultivating every thought and intention, my mind became calm. I rarely had distracting thoughts, and I no longer dreamed when I slept. And when I read the Fa, I truly internalized it.
As I gradually sorted through these matters, my family environment began to shift. When I was heading out to a fellow practitioner’s place and told my husband I’d be back around five in the afternoon, his expression became grim.
I then looked him straight in the eye and silently directed a thought toward the evil elements behind him: If you interfere with me again, I will disintegrate you. With that thought, his expression immediately changed, and he calmly said, “Then give me the key to the electric bike. I’ll pick up our child.”
As my understanding of the Fa in this area grew clearer, the interference at home dissolved. I was able to manage my time well and gained the freedom to study the Fa and go out to clarify the facts. After closing the shop in the evenings, we went home and read the Fa together.
The interference to my cultivation practice stopped, but family conflicts still occasionally surfaced. I knew I harbored intense resentment for my husband, but I also knew the resentment wasn’t my true self—but I couldn’t shake it off.
I then shifted my perspective: I should genuinely treat him and everyone around me with a sincere heart; that is the state a Dafa practitioner should be in.
After this shift, I found that my resentment vanished. All separations dissolved, and the things I once found unbearable no longer bothered me. I could now see things from his perspective and understand his difficulties.
I realized I no longer cared whether he treated me well or not, nor did I care about how he looked at me, because I understood that any behaviors of his that did not align with his true self were not him; they were merely the result of his acquired attachments, human desires, and external interference. It was these very things manifesting before me. Why should I resent them?!
I came to understand that the root of feeling wronged lies in selfishness. In any conflict, even the slightest sense of unfairness, is something we must remove, because human sentiment must be behind it.
After aligning myself with the Fa, I found that both of us had changed profoundly. The conflicts disappeared, and they were replaced by a natural harmony in which we could truly tolerate each other.
It later dawned on me: because I didn’t ask for anything when we got married, I subconsciously felt he should treat me better. But in reality, it was the exact opposite: he hurt me in every way possible.
I never asked him for anything and never made demands on him, yet he treated me this way. So I felt resentful and bitter. It was precisely this surface-level thought, “I never asked him for anything,” which masked the deep-seated belief that, “He should treat me well.”
When I stopped caring about his attitude toward me, everything calmed down.I realized that, as long as practitioners cultivate according to the Fa and approach matters with righteous thoughts, any environment can be rectified.
I also reflected on the conflicts among fellow practitioners—doesn’t the same principle apply here as well? Are those manifestations that deviate from the Fa truly part of their true selves, or are they merely acquired notions at play? Why should we harbor resentment about such things? Isn’t the resentment itself the notion we must remove? We’re all divine beings from high realms, so we cannot persistently view matters from a human perspective.
We are not doing personal cultivation; we are doing Fa-rectification period cultivation. Practitioners must rectify all that is not right within ourselves and properly position ourselves. Don’t Dafa’s principles at the human level include requirements for family members’ roles, such as motherly love and children respecting their parents? I will not shirk my responsibilities, but as for the responsibilities that belong to others, they should take care of them.
The knowing sides of practitioner’s family members should be supportive. We must clearly distinguish that any negative words or actions that surface are fundamentally not them—it’s the evil elements at work. We should immediately disintegrate these elements with righteous thoughts, then clarify the facts to prevent them from committing sins against Dafa. This is also an act of compassion, which amounts to saving them.
I’ve thought of those who refuse to listen to the truth and who speak harshly against Dafa practitioners. These are not their true intentions, but rather the result of their acquired notions and interference by the old forces. It’s like a shadow play: the real force at work are the hands behind the puppets. We must not be deceived by superficial illusions and mistake those things for the people themselves.
To quote a fellow practitioner, “The selfish mindset of focusing on personal cultivation greatly interferes with Dafa practitioners during today’s Fa-rectification period.”
From my own experience of overcoming family tribulations, I realize we must clearly distinguish between personal cultivation and Fa-rectification period cultivation. We should truly elevate ourselves through the Fa and assist Master in saving sentient beings.