(Minghui.org) I wept when I first read Minghui’s “Special Report: Our Master,” knowing that I did not do well in cultivation and caused trouble for Master. When I read it again, I wept even more, and was filled with shame, self-blame and regret. It is a disgrace for Falun Dafa practitioners that Master has to face propaganda Himself and explain Himself to the attackers. 

In the Chicago conference in June 1999, a student asked Master, 

“Master, please tell us, when Jesus was about to be crucified, what were all of his disciples doing? Master, please relay this to people around the world and in the heavens: We Dafa disciples will absolutely not allow such a thing to happen.

Master: (Warm applause) Thank you! Cultivators should not be affected by human thoughts, as you are cultivators. I thank you all for your heartfelt feelings about Dafa and Master. I know them all.” (Teachings at the Midwestern U.S. Conference)

Twenty-six years have passed, and now a former practitioner has betrayed Master. Master has to protect His disciples and face everyday people. Practitioners should take full responsibility for Master’s suffering – if our cultivation state had kept up with the progress of Fa rectification, this would not have happened. I sincerely apologize to Master. 

I knew little about Master’s everyday life when I started cultivation in my 20s. I had never met Him and neither had other practitioners I knew. The one time I was told something about Master’s life was through the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) propaganda. After the persecution started on July 20, 1999, many practitioners were taken to different schools to watch a video made to slander Master. I didn’t watch it but I did glance at the television for a few seconds. The video was saying that Master lived in a mansion and showed a room with a beautiful large sofa. I was young and wasn’t familiar with how the CCP lies to the public, so I believed it. I left the school feeling happy and relaxed, believing that Master lived well. 

Twenty-five years passed, and I still thought that Master lived a decent life in the U.S., that the practitioners overseas had more money, that Falun Dafa practitioners were different and Master did not have to lead by example, and that I had done well. My false belief was shattered after I read the special report. 

In the article Master said, “I’ve told their parents, ‘I want to return your children to you as the best children possible. This is my focus.’” Master took such good care of the practitioners’ children, yet when He asked practitioners to save people, who were all once His family members, I did not. 

In the past few years, hundreds of millions of people have lost their lives in natural disasters, and many practitioners have passed away. With so many lives lost, I wonder how many beings were lost in other dimensions, and how many of them were supposed to have been saved by us. Now the evil even dared to, and was able to, attack Master. Practitioners definitely have not done well in their cultivation, including me. 

I need to take a long hard look at myself and figure out what to do next.