(Minghui.org) I started cultivating Falun Dafa in 1996. Though everyone around me suggested that I look for a husband who was wealthy, I married my husband for his good moral standards. We led an ordinary life, without high positions or great wealth. I thought that I had taken fame and glory lightly, but I recently realized that was not so. I was able to gain new understandings about my cultivation after experiencing several xinxing tests at work.
I was assigned to a new workplace five years ago and always abided by Falun Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. My coworkers regarded me as someone very caring and helpful, so they always asked me for help. Even when we were assigned many tasks, I would try to help them as much as I could. Though I might get very busy completing my tasks, I still regarded helping others as an opportunity to better myself in cultivation by thinking of others. When I conducted myself selflessly, I could get my tasks done flawlessly. This happened many times through the years.
Sometimes when I did extra work, I would feel a bit unbalanced. I felt that no one was aware of the extra work I did. I did so much and was never rewarded for it. On second thought, I realized that helping my coworkers was also a way of getting to know them better as friends and to clarify the truth.
For example, while I was cleaning the office, I overheard Mei recounting her experiences with a Falun Dafa practitioner on a train as she was traveling home to her village. The practitioner started to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to Mei, but Mei got scared. I felt sorry to hear that Mei was scared, but I was in no position to start a conversation with her since I barely knew her.
One day, Mei asked for my help at work. I helped her wholeheartedly and she was very grateful. She wanted me to come to her house so she could repay me. I turned down her offer politely and returned her gifts. She was taken aback when I returned the gifts.
I said, “I overheard you when you said you were scared on the train when a Falun Dafa practitioner tried to explain the truth to you. You need not be scared. My mother is a Falun Dafa practitioner and she is a good person who always reminds me to help those in need.” I began telling her more about Falun Dafa.
Mei was a very assertive person, and everyone, including myself, was afraid of her. She was touched when I clarified the truth to her with a sincere heart. She was able to understand the truth about Falun Dafa and I was happy for her.
I also encountered many coworkers who were ungrateful and took everything for granted when I helped them. I suffered a lot by helping people, but I regarded it as my cultivation path. While helping my coworkers, my technical skills improved. I met people whom I would otherwise rarely encounter. By helping them, I got to know them well and became their friend. This created better opportunities for me to clarify the facts. I was very happy and grateful to Master for arranging these opportunities to save sentient beings.
My cultivation entered a new phase and I was very aware that Master Li arranges our cultivation paths meticulously. During this process, many of my attachments surfaced and I was able to emerge from my stubborn notions. I felt that I had already sacrificed a lot during my experiences described above, so I took my attachments lightly and began to focus only on other people’s attachments.
A colleague and I work together as a team. Since she was new to the field, I always did a lot of the work. I would finish tasks ahead of time without telling her and thought I was being a good practitioner. However, while doing those things silently, I often felt unbalanced. I thought of a section of Master’s Fa:
“Whether you can practice cultivation all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice, and suffer.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I enlightened that this was a process of honing my endurance and my ability to endure hardships. Perhaps my colleague had done the same for me in the past.
My colleague and I were praised by a school, but it turned out that only she was given an award. I was shocked. I thought to myself, “Why was she recognized? My technical skills are better than hers and usually the award goes to the team leader.” Since I was the team leader, it was only natural that the award be presented to me. I realized that my attachments to fame, profit, and feeling superior to others had all emerged. I also saw that I was lacking in many areas compared to my colleague. She was more patient and respectful. No matter how busy she’d get, she would always find time to get back to other coworkers in need of her help. She wouldn’t ignore ones that she didn’t like. I was able to take matters more lightly when I took it as an opportunity to expose my attachments and to get rid of my selfish thoughts.
My colleague was promoted recently and became my supervisor. A voice inside my mind kept telling me that this was unfair. I had done more work over the years, so why didn’t I get promoted? I realized that I had an ulterior motive for being hardworking. I desired praise, a promotion, and for others to think highly of my abilities.
When these attachments were laid bare, I was upset. For a cultivator, attachments need to be eliminated as soon as they surface. During the process, it might be difficult and all sorts of excuses might surface. I no longer wished to be controlled by these selfish thoughts. I enlightened that everything that happens in cultivation is predestined. Perhaps there was a reason my colleague was promoted instead of me. Everyone’s path is different.
Master said,
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Right after I passed this tribulation, I faced another xinxing test.
My colleague accepted a task from her supervisor and kept passing the work to me to complete. I would complete the tasks, but the credit tended to go to her. I realized that I had an attachment to fame. I wanted others to recognize what I did. After several similar incidents, I was able take the matter lightly, with a calmer heart. I no longer argued about who did what. I also realized that grudges against my supervisor were the result of not being recognized. These selfish thoughts could harm people without my realizing it. I needed to relinquish my thoughts of pursuit.
As a matter of fact, it was a normal thing for someone to be promoted. However, when it happened to my colleague, who was the same age as me and had the same financial background, I began to feel it was unfair. After that, I found several of my problems.
First, I felt that I had sacrificed and worked hard at my job, so I should receive a reward of equal value in return. Second, I felt it was unfair that I was not promoted when my skills were far better than hers. I realized that I had created an illusion about myself by thinking I was better than her. It was a rude awakening when she was promoted. These attachments would not have surfaced if Master had not created this environment for me to cultivate.
All my attachments are negative substances embedded deep within my notions of over a thousand years. It was truly difficult for me to endure, but by constantly negating these negative substances and looking inward with a very clear mind, many of those attachments disappeared. I had never felt as light and comfortable.
I had a dream the night before submitting this article to Minghui.org. I was taking a test and 30 minutes before the time was up, I realized I hadn’t written my essay yet. I was getting worried when I suddenly recalled something Master said:
“I’ll say one more thing: Every moment in your life is part of your spiritual journey, and at every moment I am looking after you.” (“Another Stern Warning” Team Yellow Translation)
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew that the purpose of coming to this world is to cultivate and I need to pass these tests. Thank you, Master, for enlightening me! Thank you, Master, for helping me finish my cultivation sharing article and overcome my thousand-years-long notions. I will strive forward in cultivation, do well the three things, and return home with Master!