(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa in June 1996. However, due to human attachments I stumbled and slacked off. Thank you, Master, for forgiving me and not giving up on me.
Before I started elementary school, I liked to listen to my neighbor tell interesting stories. He read historical romance novels such as the Three Heroes and Five Gallants and always told tales of legends. From listening to him, I developed a strong interest in novels. As I got older, I started reading all kinds of books.
As China began its economic reforms and opened its doors to the world, romance and martial arts novels became popular, and I liked to read them. I borrowed books and sometimes even rented them from bookstalls. I would even read them during class in high school. My classmates and I shared our books, and we covered for each other so we wouldn’t get caught and criticized for reading in class. A month before the university entrance exam, my father found me reading a martial arts novel in bed with a flashlight. He was so angry that he almost hit me.
I did not have any ambitious or lofty long-term goals. I didn’t see much difference between going to university and just getting a job. I even felt that I could live my whole life leisurely reading novels, drinking tea, and eating sunflower seeds.
With the development of the Internet, it became more convenient to read novels online. I often read novels and online forums in the laboratory at night. Later, when I attended a nine-day Falun Dafa seminar, I fell asleep, but I still heard everything.
After I started cultivating, I realized that reading novels was a strong attachment that should be eliminated. I tried to stop myself. I had better control when I wholeheartedly studied the Fa, did the three things well, and when my cultivation state was good.
However, I couldn’t permanently eliminate the attachment. This was especially true when I felt tired or stressed, or when I wanted comfort. When I had the urge to take a break, relax, or escape, I would take out my cell phone and start reading novels. I was so addicted to them that I was completely controlled by my attachment. As time passed, I started reading novels about time travel, fantasy sage cultivation, and classic immortal hero stories.
When my life and cultivation were not going well, I escaped through my novels. I didn’t want to endure any hardships or take on responsibility. When the attachment was strong, I read them all day long. I totally forgot that I was a cultivator, and it seemed that my main consciousness could no longer be strengthened.
This state not only exposed my curiosity, but also revealed other attachments such as being overly nosy, pursuing comfort, laziness, fearing conflict and suffering, shirking responsibilities, and being selfish. My main consciousness was weak, and I didn’t grasp how serious cultivation was.
I did visit the Minghui website and read articles about this by other practitioners. I hoped their experiences would help me eliminate my attachments. It worked, but only for a short time. Because I didn’t understand the Fa rationally and deeply, my main consciousness was not firm enough.
When my cultivation state was poor, I spent a lot of time reading novels, except for when I was at work. I forgot my responsibilities—disciplining my children and fulfilling my oath to help Master rectify the Fa. Sometimes, I couldn’t even remember that I was a cultivator. My cultivation state went through ups and downs. I slacked off for quite a long time. I didn’t completely eliminate my addiction to novels until the launch of last year’s Shen Yun project. This attachment was detrimental to my cultivation.
When Master’s article “Wake Up” was published, I realized that the time for cultivation was urgent. I needed to cultivate diligently if I didn’t want to be weeded out. I sent forth righteous thoughts with more determination and targeted my addiction to novels. I wanted to finally get rid of it and find my true self.
With the launch of last year’s Shen Yun ticket sales and doorknob flyer project, I knew I should cultivate myself well if I wanted to sincerely participate. I deleted most of the novels stored on my cell phone, but I still kept some of my favorite fantasy sage cultivation and classic immortal hero stories.
I participated in online group Fa study in the morning, and I studied the Fa by myself in the evening. I listened to Minghui radio while doing housework. I did the exercises regularly. When studying the Fa, I read aloud in order to remember it.
One day during Fa study, I read:
“Let’s explore what’s meant by ‘positioning the mandorla.’ As a person goes about spiritual practice in the human realm, he will, when he has passed the middle stage and is practicing at an advanced stage, begin to develop an angelic body within.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Some scenarios from my novels that were related to the Immortal Infant came to mind. Startled, I realized that the contents of my novels were living, intelligent lives. Reading novels was not just a small attachment, not just an addiction; in fact, it can destroy a Dafa disciple.
Furthermore, when I listened to Minghui radio one day, I heard a practitioner say that he kept watching TV because he hadn’t relinquished his desire. I realized that my desire to read novels had not been thoroughly removed, so I deleted all the novels on my cell phone. I believed Master saw that I truly had a strong main consciousness and a righteous mind now, and that my determination to eliminate my addiction to novels was resolute. Master removed all interference from other dimensions, and I no longer had any desire to read novels.
When I first heard about Falun Dafa, I thought that Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance was reasonable, and I decided to practice. Master repeatedly said,
“One should return to one’s original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
But I only understood Master’s words superficially. I failed to truly understand the sacredness and seriousness of cultivation.
Although I obtained the Fa more than 20 years ago, most of the time, I treated the Fa as a theory, and reading it was just finishing a task. So sometimes I went to opposite extremes. I was either bogged down by being attached to doing the three things or I slacked off.
Even though I kept reading the Fa, I was not doing it wholeheartedly, so I couldn’t retain it. I often didn’t get new understandings when I read the Fa. Moreover I felt something separated me from Dafa. I hadn’t yet found my fundamental attachments and I had not melted into the Fa.
I have studied science for many years and without realizing it, I was immersed in it. The truth is, the formation of many concepts and ways of thinking in modern society are inseparable from science. I realized that my thinking was actually deeply rooted in science.
Due to the influence of empirical science and atheism, I did not believe in Master and the Fa 100% for a long time. From Master’s teachings, I believed in how boundless the universe is and the infinity of time and space. From the novels I read, I believed that other dimensions existed. I thought that, through cultivation, people could live freely and for a long time and could travel through time and space. However, I couldn’t really understand how sacred and great gods are and how great and magnificent cultivation is.
By strengthening my Fa study last year, I found that I had gained new enlightenment in the Fa. This February, while I was studying Lecture Three of Zhuan Falun, I suddenly realized that Master used the word “true” many times, which shocked me but also helped me pay more attention to “true cultivation.”
One day I wasn’t scheduled to sell Shen Yun tickets at the mall. In order to not slack off, I contacted the assistant who was in charge of hanging flyers on people’s doors. It was freezing and the ground was icy and slippery. Despite putting on a pair of non-slip boots, I fell on someone’s driveway while hanging flyers. After I got up I could only walk slowly. I persevered and completed my assignment for that day. I did not feel any pain before I went home. But I found that I couldn’t climb the stairs, I needed support to walk, and it hurt to walk. I couldn’t cross my legs in the full lotus position when I meditated. Even though I was in pain, I insisted on studying the Fa and doing the exercises.
Looking inward, I found that I was afraid. I was afraid of walking on ice and falling down. Meanwhile, I also found that I tended to want to hang flyers on people’s doors instead of “... [doing] any assignment their supervisor gives.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I thought this incident happened due to my attachments, but the old forces also interfered, so I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference. Soon I could walk without pain, and I could put my legs up in the full lotus position when I meditated. Even though I limped and it was a little challenging to meditate, after staying at home for two days, I went to the mall to sell tickets. My condition did not affect me.
I realized that the awkwardness of crossing my legs in the full lotus position was not a correct state. When I did the second exercise “Holding the Wheel above the Head” one day, I heard a click in my spine, and I was able to sit in the lotus position as normal. Later on, I realized that I had been walking with a limp for ten days and that was not right, and only then could I walk normally. It’s really as Master said,
“…Disciples’ righteous thoughts are strongMaster has the power to turn the tide”(“The Master-Disciple Bond,” Hong Yin II)
In the past, I had only been passively cultivating, and my cultivation progress was relatively slow. I worked in a cafe for eight years, and it was during that time that I got rid of my attachments to saving face, interests, jealousy, disgust, resentment, fear, and competitiveness, and I learned to be tolerant.
While helping promote Shen Yun last year, I was able to realize that the conflicts I encountered were aimed at my attachments. I controlled myself and was able to distinguish the attachment from my true self. When conflicts arose, I reminded myself, “...He’s right, and I’m wrong,...” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III) and upgraded my xinxing faster.
Because my practitioner husband and I have different personalities and upbringings, we also have different ways of dealing with things and our perspectives are also quite different. Because I didn’t look inward and cultivate my xinxing amid the tribulations of everyday life, and amid the clashes of our differences, my complaints about him and resentment towards him accumulated and became very heavy. Sometimes I was even reluctant to speak to him.
Once, he didn’t come to pick me up from a mall when it closed as he was supposed to, and I couldn’t get in contact with him by phone. All kinds of bad thoughts popped up, and all the conflicts we had before surfaced. I felt like I was going to explode. At that time my main consciousness was very clear and I realized that these thoughts were not from my true self. I wanted to eliminate them. While suppressing them, I also sent forth righteous thoughts to clear them out.
I went home on my own by subway. After getting off the subway, I decided to walk home even though the road was muddy. I needed time to calm down. I walked for half an hour. After I arrived home, I thanked my husband for helping me improve my xinxing.
After the Shen Yun shows, I got a new job. This job has greatly helped improve my cultivation. Doing customer service, I pay more attention to the quote "... he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details." ("Sage," Essentials for Further Advancement)
I recognized that a loss of hearing caused by karma passed down by my ancestors was not right. Once I rectified my notion, my hearing immediately returned to normal.
The company I work for has thousands of products and a great deal of customers. I never used this kind of ordering system before. Dafa gave me intelligence and wisdom, and I learned the system very quickly. However, our clients’ business names are often a person’s name. This is a big challenge for me, as I often couldn’t pronounce them correctly. I was criticized because of this. I realized it was time for me to give up my vanity.
One day, my manager and I were arguing over an order. The boss happened to be next to me. He told me, “You will have a day off at home tomorrow.” I’d never been treated like that, and I was in shock. I tried my best to finish the day normally, but when I got home, I felt the pain of embarrassment and I felt wronged. I didn’t want to do this job anymore. I wanted to resign.
However, I also knew that I should get rid of vanity, which is not my true self. But that sense of being wronged kept haunting me. When I read the Fa that night I was still in tears. The next afternoon the company sent a message saying that they wanted me back at work the next day. I agreed even though it was hard to let my feelings go.
When I went back to work, I found that everything was fine and it was as though nothing had happened.
The pandemic greatly affected our promotion of Shen Yun in Ottawa in 2022. I also found that selling tickets in shopping malls and hanging flyers on people’s doorknobs was very different than in previous years.
Due to the lockdown in Ottawa, I stayed at home for six months before the Shen Yun promotion project was launched. My cultivation state at that time was poor. The first time I went out to hang flyers on people’s doorknobs, something happened to me that had never happened before: my legs cramped and my knees were stiff after I finished my flyer quota. Through daily practice, my cultivation state improved and I could walk easily.
A week later, I went to the shopping mall to sell tickets for the first time in a year. Because I hadn’t spoken much English for about six months I found that I wasn’t that proficient in recommending Shen Yun to others in English. The promotion of Shen Yun in shopping malls lasted about four months, and it was a big test for me. Thank you, Master, for your encouragement and care; despite a lot of regrets, I passed the test.
I liked to hang flyers on people’s doors. Suffering physically is relatively easier for me than tempering my will. However, the ticket selling team was understaffed, which left me with no choice but to accept the assignment. I thought my battlefield might be in the mall.
Because of the pandemic, the shopping mall was often very quiet and empty, especially when the weather was bad. Our sales in January were slow. No tickets were sold for days at a time, and it was a real test for us practitioners. I sometimes felt that I couldn’t endure the pressure and hardship. I wanted a change of scenery: like hanging flyers on people’s doorknobs.
Thank you, Master: You encouraged me to persist. I sold tickets once my xinxing improved.
I found that people were willing to buy tickets, but were worried that the theater might not be open or that they would be required to show proof of vaccination. This stopped some people from buying tickets.
When we diligently sent forth righteous thoughts and improved our cultivation, we sold more tickets. However, Ottawa sold fewer tickets this year in the end. I regretted that I didn’t put in more effort.
In the process of writing this experience sharing article, I realized that science is one of my fundamental attachments. I feel blessed that this attachment was exposed and I wrote down my cultivation experiences.
Thank you, esteemed Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Canada Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)