(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I started practicing Falun Dafa more than 20 years ago. Looking back, I think I have stumbled a lot on my cultivation path. Sometimes I cultivated diligently, but other times I slacked off. I was occasionally able to maintain righteous thoughts but I behaved terribly when I couldn’t let go of strong attachments. I am very grateful to our compassionate Master who didn’t give up on me and constantly offers me opportunities to improve.
I left China and moved to Hong Kong for work. I would like to share some of my recent cultivation experiences at work.
One day after we finished doing the exercises at the practice site, a veteran practitioner reminded me that Master said, “...one should chant the scripture with a righteous mind and undivided attention.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun) She said that she always reminded herself of this before she studied the Fa and it helped her to be very focused when she read the teachings.
Her words really touched me. On my way to work, I recalled that Master had already told us in Zhuan Falun how to behave in cultivation, at work, and in our daily lives. When I reflected on myself, tears ran down my cheeks, and I asked myself if I behaved as Master required.
I was always ambitious. When I was in primary school my teachers told my mother, “Your daughter is really ambitious.” I always got good grades. After I graduated I found a job with a big international company. As a result of my “ambition,” I developed strong attachments to fame and self-interest as well as competitiveness, jealousy, and showing off. When things didn’t go my way, my resentment instantly surfaced. I knew I had to eliminate these attachments, but I often went along with them. Sometimes the xinxing tests tested me to my core. It was agonizing going through the tests—just like what Master wrote in this poem:
“Cultivation is not hard,It’s attachments that are hard to part with....”(“Severing,” Hong Yin II)
I’d like to share with you some of my cultivation experiences at work.
Before I came to Hong Kong, I worked at the China branch of a big international cooperation. Most of my colleagues were Chinese. After I started to work in Hong Kong, I noticed that the jealousy and competitiveness so normal in China rarely surfaced or didn’t exist among my colleagues in Hong Kong. Those on my team were kind and calm. They offered to help me and were not competitive; they cooperated with and helped each other. Compared to them, I was indoctrinated with the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) culture. I felt ashamed sometimes that I couldn’t speak as softly as even my non-practitioner colleagues.
A new colleague from mainland China joined our team soon after I came. He was aggressive. Other colleagues and I felt pressured by him. I became biased and couldn’t tolerate the way he spoke sometimes. One day in a meeting, he made a very good suggestion. Our head boss acknowledged it right away. I felt uneasy in my heart, and I instantly recognized my jealousy.
Talking about jealousy, Master said,
“...if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Why didn’t I feel happy for my new colleague when the boss praised him? I looked within and discovered that I was competing with him. It was my attachment to competitiveness surfacing again. So why was I competing with him? It was because I wanted fame. I had just joined this team, and I wanted to establish a good reputation for myself. What a strong attachment!
Jealousy, competitiveness, and seeking fame weren’t part of my true self. I had to get rid of them. It was a hard process for me. I had many meetings at work. I felt sad when I couldn’t answer the questions my colleagues raised. I realized that it was the attachment to fame.
On one occasion, the new colleague asked me a question for which I had to provide my analysis. I gave him a complete answer but then realized I could explain a bit further so that he could avoid detours in his work. How did I know that? Because I made a detour on a similar question when I had just started working there. I thought, “Should I tell him? Of course I should tell him. Otherwise you are not worthy of being a Dafa practitioner.” I thoroughly answered his question. When he needed my data, I gave him a complete set without hesitation.
During this process, my jealousy became weaker and weaker, but it was still there. I still had some bad feelings about him. On another occasion, he didn’t cooperate with me very well. I kept doing my job well, but there was a small thought flashing through my mind: “He is sophisticated.” That got my attention. Why did I have this thought about him?
I looked outward. I didn’t look within myself to see if there was anything I didn’t do well. Instead, my first reaction was to blame someone else. Master requires us to look within. Why did I look outward? I looked outward because I was disturbed. It was jealousy. Furthermore, if I had negative thoughts about him, how could I have compassion for him and save him? I shouldn’t have negative thoughts about anyone.
I clarified the truth to him after the pandemic broke out. I started our conversation with an apology. I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t do well. I did poorly when you first joined our team.” He smiled and said, “Not at all.” I asked him to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. He replied, “Thank you for telling me about this, but I can’t remember if I made a pledge. Let me think about it.” I didn’t have any bad thoughts about him this time. Before, I would have thought, “He is trying to avoid me.” But now I knew that I didn’t cultivate well. I should continue cultivating myself and seek another opportunity to save him.
In my previous company, we focused on big issues rather than on trivial things on an analytical level. Otherwise, we would miss the big picture and be submerged in tedious and impractical details. But at my present company, my colleagues and I had to spend big time on trivial things. Everyone complained that it was a waste of time.
One day I had to put a certain amount of data into the system before an important meeting. But the system popped up “No,” which indicated that there was a problem with the data. The system didn’t come up “Yes” and let me in. I thought I was impatient. Indeed I got impatient easily. I was often overwhelmed by the tedious, meticulous work. I should be patient. The problem with the system seemed to be an opportunity to help me get rid of my impatience. So I calmed down and started to look for the problem. I stayed up until 3 a.m. but didn’t find anything wrong. I took a nap and then did the exercises before I continued searching for the problem. I still couldn’t find what was wrong. The meeting would start soon. I continued to examine the state of my cultivation. Except for my impatience, what else caused the system to keep saying “No?”
I decided to write down my attachments on a piece of paper. The first one said, “being irresponsible.” I knew I was irresponsible when it came to trivial things at work and finished them haphazardly. I was indeed very busy at work, but this shouldn’t be an excuse for my irresponsibility.
One day when I was hand copying Zhuan Falun I especially noticed this paragraph:
“Throughout the entire course of my lectures on the Fa and cultivation practice, I have been responsible to society and practitioners. The results we have received have been good, and their impact upon the entire society has also been quite good.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I was impressed with the word “responsible.” I should be responsible for the work I do. Even though I had this realization, the system still didn’t let me in.
I kept looking within. Was it because I was afraid that my boss would blame me if I didn’t finish the work before the meeting? I wrote “seeking fame” on the paper. The system still didn’t let me in.
Suddenly I realized it was because of my resentment. Even as I patiently looked for the problem, I was complaining about the system and the tedious and huge workload. When I wrote down “resentment,” I felt a piece of substance was taken away from my heart. The system suddenly popped up: “Yes.”
I was very busy at work. I always wanted to finish it quickly so that I had the time to study the Fa and do the exercises. I was unhappy when I had to work overtime. I felt I didn’t have time to study the Fa. I realized later on that I was covering my many attachments using the excuse of studying the Fa and doing the exercises. My attachments to seeking fame, jealousy, and resentment were exposed at work. I should cultivate away those attachments and not put off cultivating myself until I had finished my work.
By studying the Fa, I realized that everyone I meet is arranged. Whether or not they are good to me and whether or not they do it purposefully, they actually help me. Some of them help me remove my jealousy directly. Some help me remove resentment indirectly. I should thank the people around me. But my gratitude to Master is beyond any words!
These are my personal insights. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Hong Kong Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)