(Minghui.org) My son gave me an almost brand-new cell phone in July 2021. I became very attached to it, and my righteous thoughts started to subside.
I hardly used this cell phone to call fellow practitioners, so I had an excuse, since it was safe, to browse the Internet as much as I wanted. I liked to check out everything that was happening around me. For example, a relative’s child was admitted to a university. So I looked up the background of this university, i.e. its national ranking, etc. In doing so, half an hour passed unnoticed, and I ended up wasting a lot of my precious time.
When I sent forth righteous thoughts, I felt my righteous thoughts lacked strength. My mind wasn’t clean either. One thing after another kept popping up non-stop. Even though I still continued to do the three things, I always felt I was separated from the Fa. I felt that I couldn’t catch up with the Fa-rectification process, yet I lacked a sense of urgency, and let myself slip.
Right then, a practitioner mentioned that for safety reasons, we’d better not give out materials when we clarify the truth face-to-face; that it would be the same if we make ourselves understood by talking to people. Due to a lack of righteous thoughts, I was in agreement with what that practitioner said. Then I became afraid to clarify the truth to people in an upright manner, as everyone I spoke to seemed dangerous. Last winter, there were two times when I clarified the truth to people and ran into some danger. Under Master’s care, I came out of the danger safe and sound. However, I knew my cultivation state was off. For a while, I changed by studying the Fa intensively, and my cultivation state improved.
During the pandemic lockdowns, I joined my husband, who didn’t practice, to watch videos on his cell phone and enjoy myself. One day, a cell phone that I used only to play exercise music suddenly started displaying a stopwatch where there was supposed to be a power bar. This lasted for a few days. Wasn’t it Master giving me a hint to treasure the time? From that, I became a bit more clear-minded.
My mother-in-law and I teamed up to go out to clarify the truth. Before that, it was normal for us to help more than 20 people to renounce their memberships in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations in a couple of hours. In addition, we’d bring bagfuls of informational materials and hand them out to people face-to-face. And we returned home safely.
But in the second half of 2021, my righteous thoughts were not strong enough, and my mother-in-law’s righteous thoughts also subsided. When we went out, we were afraid to bring a lot of materials with us. We were also reluctant to bring large-sized brochures and the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. We became selective in talking to people. As a result, the effectiveness of our truth-clarification also dropped. Moreover, the old forces didn’t stop interfering with us. Consequently, they strengthened the conflicts between my mother-in-law and myself.
Sometimes when we were ready to head out, my mother-in-law vented her anger at me. When I couldn’t maintain my xinxing because my righteous thoughts were not strong, I refused to go out with her to clarify the truth. Later on, we grew to dislike each other. It even went so far as complaining to fellow practitioners about how terrible the other person was. We wanted to be comforted by other practitioners. As the old forces continuously grew the gap between us, I didn’t look inward and felt wronged. I couldn’t calm down, and I became muddle-headed. I didn’t have righteous thoughts, nor could I become absorbed in Fa-study. In the end, I had to leave her and go back to the city where I lived. Thus, we couldn’t work together. With that, the old forces gained the upper hand.
After I returned to my home, I began to reflect on myself: Because I was not diligent, I not only fell down myself but also affected my mother-in-law in her clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings. How wrong that was?! I couldn’t let go of my attachment to my cell phone. I wanted to be diligent, but as soon as I picked it up, I couldn’t put it down. Because of that, I lived my life in constant regret. Now, time is even more pressing. Fa-rectification is coming to an end, yet I couldn’t become diligent. Due to fear, I wanted to hold onto my current state by comforting myself by saying, “I saved many people in the past,” so I should be okay. Or after I did well in truth-clarification, I wanted to go on my cell phone to relax.
When Master saw that I was not enlightening, one day last July, when I sent forth righteous thoughts, the phrase “...gone against the strong tides of this world...” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.,” ) suddenly came into my mind. It was a wake-up call for me. This was Master trying to enlighten me. I couldn’t just stay there. In one’s cultivation, one has to strive forward; otherwise one would have gone backward. I thought I must completely change myself. Therefore, I turned off my cell phone, but that still didn’t work.
The old forces tried their very best to have me want to use my cell phone to check something. If I didn’t do so, it’d caused me to feel restless, until I began to pick up the cell phone and hold it in my hand. I tried to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it, but it didn’t work. One day when I checked the weather forecast, I came across the novel “Journey to the West.” I got drawn into it, and 20 minutes passed just like that. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, the content of the novel kept popping up. I knew the cell phone was a demon, an evil being comprised of sentimentality, lust, and desire. Why couldn’t I let it go? It was because I lacked solid cultivation.
After reading Master’s recent articles, I truly felt the great responsibility we shoulder. I also learned from sharing articles that some practitioners had treasured every single day for the past 10-plus years. The gap I saw between myself and these practitioners made me feel deep regret. I had forgotten who I am, my grand vow made in prehistory, as well as my mission.
Who am I? I am a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, which is the greatest title in the universe. For me to save sentient beings and bring them home is my mission. What I will accomplish is divinity. Will I still feel lonely then? Will I still be attached to the leisure and enjoyment of the human world? Will I still be attached to human sentimentality? No matter how long the path is, I will take control of myself with righteous thoughts. I do not want any human attachments. I want to treasure every minute, every second, and be a true practitioner walking the final leg of my journey well!
When I sent forth such strong righteous thoughts, I felt they shook the 10 directional worlds. I was empowered by righteous gods in the universe. When I looked at my cell phone, I could finally let it go. How can there be such a thing as running into danger for handing out informational materials? It could only be because one has loopholes in one’s xinxing. Our informational materials are Fa weapons for saving sentient beings, as opposed to something used to justify arrest and persecution.
The relationship between sentient beings and myself is one of saving and being saved, as opposed to persecuting and being persecuted. When my righteous thoughts became strong again, and when I looked at sentient beings, I stopped feeling scared. Thus, I could step forward to clarify the facts to them in an upright manner. They were also friendly and showed their appreciation. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, I could feel how powerful the thoughts were. My mind became clear. My mind was focused on fulfilling my vow. Overall, it took me a year to improve my state to become diligent again.
I wanted to share this past year’s experience for the purpose of warning practitioners who are doing what I was. At this critical time, we should not slack off, but strive forward vigorously, as our family in heaven awaits our return home.