(Minghui.org) Esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!
I developed symptoms of the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) virus [COVID] in June 2022. At first, I did not take my symptoms to heart, believing these were typical signs of karma elimination. However, by the third day, I lost almost all my strength and experienced episodes of fever, loss of appetite, and inability to drink water. That night, my heart began to beat extremely fast. Panic and anxiousness swept over me. For the first time, I realized that I was precariously near death!
Only too late did I realize my terrible state! Dragging my weak body, I slowly walked around my living room, the pull of exhaustion tempting me to close my eyes and sleep. However, the malicious stare of an invisible entity from another dimension prevented me from doing so. It would drag me away from the world of the living if I closed my eyes. For the first time, I realized how fragile and uncontrollable our lives are, and how bad my cultivation state had become. My reluctance to give up attachments, such as my attachment to family and life and my possessions in this world, these and many other attachments quickly made themselves known.
Deep down, I knew I could not leave this world. Without a human body, I would not be able to cultivate. Everything would end, and I would have accomplished nothing. My cultivation state was poor, and I had not been diligent. Yet at this life-or-death juncture, I could only turn to Master for help. I struggled, wondering if I should ask Master for help. “Am I still qualified to ask Master for help? Am I still worthy of being rescued?” Various instances highlighting my lack of diligence surfaced in my mind. “Look at yourself. You are like an ordinary person. Can you consider yourself a cultivator?”
Ashamed and remorseful, I cried and pleaded with Master, “Master, please save me! I don’t want to die! I want to cultivate well and help validate the Fa!” Instantly, my heart rate began to slow down. My panic and anxiety also subsided. Although my body remained weak, the gaze of that invisible malicious entity had vanished.
My narrow escape from the gates of Hell left me completely exhausted. I lay on my bed and fell asleep. When I woke up the following day, my fever had subsided, telling me that Master had saved me.
After this lesson, I became determined to find a group practice site and do the Falun Dafa exercises with fellow practitioners every morning. In the past, I preferred to do the exercises at home using a number of excuses, such as my busy work schedule, and the lack of practice sites nearby. In short, I just did not want to participate in group exercises as Master had stipulated. Because of this, I had never been able to find a practice site near my home.
Strangely, after deciding to join the group exercises, I found a practice site near my home. I started visiting the site every morning.
As an added benefit, the act of participating in group exercise sessions also helped improve my cultivation state. Could I maintain the willpower to go to the exercise site? Could I achieve the tranquil state necessary for the exercises? Did my distracting thoughts interfere with my meditation? Was I willing to brave physical discomforts, extremes in temperature, and harassment from flies and mosquitoes?
Master said,
“Human beings usually have laziness in them—you can’t deny it—because your thoughts haven’t yet elevated to that level. When you stay away from the group practice environment, it’s as if you won’t be spurred on, and you lose an external condition that drives you in cultivation.” (Teachings at the Conference of Changchun Assistants)
Given my continued persistence in doing the morning exercise sessions, I felt my willpower, character, endurance, and ability to endure hardships increasing.
I used to think that cultivating one’s character and doing the exercises were two different things, so I never placed much importance on doing the exercises. After regularly attending the morning exercise sessions, my ability to understand the Fa improved. Despite having read Zhuan Falun over more than ten years, I gained very little knowledge. I found it hard to discern the various levels of the Fa and eventually just went through the motions of studying. I even did chores while studying the Fa. After I started participating in the group exercise session, I found that I could discern the different levels of Fa principles, which helped me gain new understandings during Fa study. I had covered these paragraphs multiple times before, yet now they presented themselves in a different light. “How strange. Why didn’t I discover this Fa principle before?” I wondered. My improved cultivation state also helped strengthen my exercise state.
According to Master,
“Falun Dafa is a practice of mind and body, and so there is an exercise component to it. One purpose of the exercises is to increase your spiritual power, which, in turn, serves to strengthen the powers of your body. Another purpose is to develop a number of supernatural beings in your body.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)
The above paragraph of Master’s Fa helped me enlighten to another understanding. Master has made it clear. How could I use my own notions to determine the importance of doing the exercises? Without practicing the exercises well, how could I call myself a practitioner of Falun Dafa?
I also realized the extent of my jealousy and contempt of fellow practitioners. Participants in media projects are required to constantly improve in their professional skills. As for fellow practitioners who improved slowly, lacked competitive skills, and seemed to have poor abilities, I unconsciously critiqued them based on my standards. I labeled them as lacking the drive and qualifications to be involved in media projects. I blamed them for slowing down our progress and affecting our ability to save lives. Unwilling to help them out, I even coldly wished for them to stumble and mess things up.
This state lasted for a long time, until I came to realize one day – didn’t the old forces share this exact same attitude and ideology? Instead of changing themselves, the old forces try to weed out practitioners whom they do not like. Although the old forces at every level think they are the supreme masters of the universe, they do not realize they are being eliminated by the old forces at even higher levels. My notion of personal superiority, contempt for fellow practitioners, and hope for things to fail or go badly, was in line with their approach.
Hidden behind my jealousy, was a sense of arrogance, and a belief that I was always right. Smug and complacent about my perceived superior work performance and learning ability, I accepted the affirmation and praise from others as my own. However, Dafa practitioners’ abilities are given by Master, so they can help Master rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. Also, wasn’t this delusional thinking a manifestation of demons arising from one’s own mind?
Because I had let this attachment fester, my ego continued to expand, resulting in increasing dissatisfaction with other practitioners. I found myself constantly criticizing others in my mind, indulging in watching self-media covering analysis of China’s current affairs, while praising my ability to grasp everything clearly. One day, I started feeling contemptuous of fellow Chinese practitioners participating in overseas media projects, thinking that their words, actions, and thoughts only reflected their indoctrination by the CCP culture. This continued until one day, I made some personal comments regarding words and phrases used by Master in Zhuan Falun. At that time, I thought I was not wrong since my comments were objective. In hindsight, I am horrified that my jealousy had unknowingly pushed me to the edge of destruction. My near-death encounter with the CCP virus had been completely self-inflicted!
I began to add one more thought while sending forth righteous thoughts. “Completely disintegrate all the evil substances and factors that strengthen my jealousy in my dimensional field.” As I continued to send forth righteous thoughts, the jealousy in my mind began to lessen. Although it continues to surface from time to time, I can now detect it faster and get rid of it immediately. I believe our attachments exist in the form of spirits in other dimensions. When one’s main consciousness relaxes, these attachments seize the opportunity to control our thoughts and amplify themselves in order to increase their energy. Only by strengthening our main consciousness and resolutely rejecting them, can Master help eliminate these attachments.
As a student, I never liked memorizing things. I found topics like ancient Chinese literature, history and mathematical equations repulsive. Although many fellow practitioners were memorizing the Fa, I did not see the need. My single attempt years ago had ended in failure, so I did not believe I would succeed in memorizing the Fa.
Fellow practitioners who memorized the Fa shared their experiences over Minghui Radio in August 2022. One practitioner with poor ability found he could not memorize pages at a time, unlike other practitioners. However, he remained undeterred and strove to memorize two paragraphs every day. He made time, no matter how busy he was that day, to memorize even if it was only a single sentence. Another practitioner memorized the Fa non-sequentially. Whenever he encountered tribulations, he would find the relevant section of Fa in Zhuan Falun and memorize it. These practitioners agreed that their efforts contributed to great character improvements.
Inspired, I decided to start memorizing the Fa. Memorizing is indeed a very powerful tool, because one must concentrate fully to memorize each sentence, with every word seared into memory like a brand. Although studying the Fa attentively is very good, memorizing the Fa can take this to a whole new level. An indescribable feeling begins to manifest, as though every cell in the body is vibrating. The same paragraph can reflect different understandings of the Fa when memorized instead of being simply read. A typical word or phrase can reveal a whole new layer of meaning through the memorization process.
My daily memorization of the Fa has helped improve my character. As if arranged, I would meet relevant tribulations addressing whatever I had memorized that day. By recalling the section memorized and letting go of my attachments, I passed these tribulations quickly. Much like riding a rocket, memorizing the Fa sped up my cultivation progress exponentially.
In the process, I found that memorizing the Fa was not as difficult as I had feared. The more I memorized, the easier it became. Now, I memorize the Fa while making my way to the practice site every morning. Through my silent recitations, it feels as though compassionate Master is encouraging me to remain brave and diligent.
Master said, “Spiritual development is a long journey of gradually stripping away attachments. But you have to be strict with yourself.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Despite having practiced Dafa for many years, the crux of cultivation practice had never been within my grasp. Driven by the desire to live comfortably, I have slacked off in cultivation, adopted notions of ordinary people, and even reveled in living a comfortable and relaxing life. The CCP virus tribulation this year taught me a lesson. While anxious to catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification, I realize I have been left far behind. I have resolved to cultivate diligently from now on and will not regress or slack off again.
(Presented at the 2022 Taiwan Fa Conference)