(Minghui.org) I am a young Dafa practitioner. I understood the urgency of saving people, and wanted to clarify the truth face-to-face. However, I could not get the words out of my mouth. I didn’t know where to start.
Through reading the experience sharing articles of fellow practitioners, I learned that they started with small talk or a general greeting. I tried, but didn’t know how to continue. I wondered what the reason could be. Was it vanity? Afraid that others might look down on me? Afraid that others may not be interested? Afraid that I could not get it right? It seems that none of them had to do with my problem.
One time, after I finished studying the Fa in a Fa-study group, I thought I just had to find someone to clarify the truth to and get rid of my problem. I thought about the young girl from whom I’d purchased some items yesterday. So, I walked to her shop. When I got there, there was a gentleman there too. He looked like her father.
I hesitated a bit, then, another two people came in to buy something. Then, I walked away. When I turned around and got ready to go home, I thought that this would not do. Since I wanted to clarify the truth to her, I had to go back. If there were more people there, I should talk to them all together and save more people. So I went back.
When I got there, the girl was gone. Her father and mother were there, so I bought something. When her mother took my purchase, I tried to talk to her, asking her whether she’d gone to school? Whether she ever wore a red scarf – a symbol of the Communist Young Pioneers? The girl’s mother said no.
The girl’s father didn’t say anything. I told him that the Tiananmen self-immolation was staged by the Jiang Zemin regime in order to persecute Falun Gong. They didn’t say anything, and I started getting nervous and didn’t know what to say. Also, I felt that my talking had no logic to it and was very unnatural. As they still didn’t say anything, I quickly wrapped up, said “So long” and left!
When I got home, I looked inward. Why couldn’t I open my mouth? After going through everything layer by layer, I finally found the obsession. I didn’t understand how clarifying the truth worked. My subconscious always felt that practitioners' behavior was similar to that of ordinary salespersons, which is quite offensive.
I always waved them away, avoided them, or refused to see what they were promoting. I felt that they were all out to make a profit. They talked a lot, but eventually asked if you wanted to buy their stuff. I felt the same way about what we were doing. We may start with small talk, but then switch to what we really want to say.
This behavior seemed to me to be a fallacy, so I felt guilty about this approach. When I felt guilty, I could not talk naturally, especially when I get to the part where we ask about their withdrawing from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). So I became reluctant to speak, afraid that others might think that I have ulterior motives. To avoid being repelled, I was not able to speak.
How could I change this way of thinking? I came up with an answer on my own: We start by connecting with people with casual talk in order to help them relax and put down their guard. If we immediately bring up withdrawing from the CCP, it might rush things and scare people away.
The reason we do it this way is not to deceive anyone, rather, it gives people some time to get to know us. We can have a conversation, which gives us the opportunity to clarify the truth. While ordinary people selling merchandise is to make a living, our purpose is to save people. The purposes are completely different. After I came up with these answers, my heart opened up, and the feeling of misunderstanding disappeared.
After finding the root cause, I didn’t know if I could really speak up. I wanted to give it a try when I went to work the next day, and asked Master (Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa) in my heart to arrange a predestined person for me to talk to. When I finished work and walked back home, I waited for the red light at the intersection. An elderly man, a popcorn vendor, sat on a concrete pile beside the road. I’d wanted to clarify the truth to him a long time ago.
I asked him why he wasn’t making popcorn these past few days. He said he would not be allowed to sell popcorn at this location any more. In fact, today was his last day to make popcorn there. As soon as I heard that it was his last day, I realized that there would be no more opportunities if I didn’t speak up. I asked to buy a bag of popcorn and also asked how old he was and whether he’d gone to school. He said that he had attended school.
I told him that the CCP has persecuted many people to death, including landlords, pro-democracy activists during the Tiananmen Square massacre, and practitioners of Falun Gong. He said that he knew all about it. I suggested that he quit his membership in the Young Pioneers (a communist organization for schoolchildren). He said that he’d done so a long time ago.
I told him that it was important to quit from his heart. He agreed to quit with the name of Deng Zhi. I also let him know that frequently repeating, “Falun Dafa is good,” and “Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance is good,” would help him stay safe in times of need. He agreed to say those words.
Since I could now speak, I wanted to do it more. I met a woman who sold tofu. I first bought a piece of tofu and asked her about her health, her business, and so on. Then, we talked about withdrawing from the CCP. At first, she didn’t say anything. Later, as I continued to clarify the truth more, she agreed to withdraw from the Party.
After I returned to my workplace, I suddenly felt a little tired. How come I suddenly felt tired? I was fine that morning. I started to look inward. I found my mentality of pursuing perfection. I expected everything to go smooth and wanted to prove myself. It was hard to face any frustration.
Even though that woman did quit the Party, I felt that she didn’t do it wholeheartedly. This was not acceptable and I felt depressed. When I realized this, I became relaxed and I was no longer tired. Master said, “... matter and mind are one and the same.” (Lecture one, Zhuan Falun)
I didn’t expect that even pursuing perfection could become an attachment, making me depressed and causing me to lose motivation and become tired.
I went to the market to buy some vegetables after getting off work that night. I saw a watch repairer and remembered that I happened to need a new battery for my watch. This watch repairer was a young man. I thought he must be a predestined person because I had wanted to change my watch battery long ago, but couldn’t find anyone to do it for me.
After other people finished their business, I was the only one left. I started with small talk. As I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring even though he looked quite young, I asked “Are you married?” He said he was.
Then, I told him about the CCP-staged self-immolation at Tiananmen Square and why he needed to quit the CCP. He said that he didn’t believe anyone and he felt that he could take care of himself just fine. At this time, he was about to stop his work for the day.
When I saw that he no longer wanted to listen, I just reminded him to be a good person and to be kind, and he said yes. Although he didn’t finish listening to everything I wanted to say to him, I went with the flow and didn’t panic or become timid.
After I left his place, I came to a meat stall and bought a small piece of pork. I was ready to leave after the purchase, but suddenly stopped. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to clarify the truth to the woman managing the stall. So I asked about her business.
She said that it had been hard and then she asked me about my work. The conversation flowed. I remembered that I had some truth-clarifying materials in my bag, so I took some out and gave them to her. I told her that it was predestined that I give her a book to read. She took the book and thanked me.
Although I do not speak all that well, I am no longer worried. I can naturally start a conversation with people and clarify the truth. I have finally moved forward. I feel that I will do better and speak more naturally in the future.