(Minghui.org) I always thought I could cooperate with the entire group, and do whatever the coordinator asked me to do – I have never complained. I was quite satisfied with myself, and thought I did what Master Li (Dafa's founder) asked me to do. But, once I came across an incident that exposed my attachments. I realized I did not let go of self and did not reach being truly selfless.
Once, after I agreed to distribute the English Epochtimes, another coordinator asked me to join the group Fa-study, and send forth righteous thoughts for Shen Yun. This arrangement was just what I wanted to do, because I did not want to distribute newspapers. I then told the newspaper distributing team that I had accepted another assignment, and no longer could be part of their team.
I did not want to distribute the newspapers because I did not think distributing newspapers was the best way to promote Falun Dafa. Also, I felt distributing newspapers was tiring. I did not think my decision was of any problem. Anyway, Shen Yun is an important project, and I was just doing what the local coordinator asked.
Afterward, another practitioner of the newspaper distributing team said I did not comply with the principles of “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance” by changing my mind and not doing what I promised to do. I then looked inward. I found I would participate in a Dafa project of interest to me. I also found my attachment to self-interest. I had to share the gas if I distributed the newspapers, so I could save money if I did not go. I used the coordinator’s request to cover my attachment to self-interest.
When I looked inward further, I also realized that I did not want to face conflict because there were different opinions toward distributing newspapers. I did not realize these attachments until I looked within.
One day, a fellow practitioner asked me if I wanted to memorize the Fa with her. I thought I had a poor memory, so I said no, and justified it by telling her that I would read the Fa. Sometime later, this practitioner asked me again if I wanted to join her. At this time, another practitioner told me she wanted to join. At this point, I thought this might be Master’s hint. So we started to memorize the Fa together for one-and-a-half hours every morning after sending forth righteous thoughts.
In memorizing the Fa, I read the same paragraph again and again. I could understand the principles that I didn’t before when reading the Fa, which deepened my understanding of memorizing the Fa. Now, I have a new experience and understanding of the Fa every day. I thank Master for arranging other practitioners to help me memorize the Fa. Through memorizing the Fa, I realized that what I thought was right now seemed to have arisen out of my selfishness. I did not really let go of my ego to better cooperate with other practitioners.
Through memorizing the Fa, I realized that many things that I assumed correct were actually wrong. I realized I did not let go of self.
Our local coordinator has talked with me many times about distributing newspapers. Still, I didn’t pay attention to it or get involved. Recently our primary local coordinator asked me to help with the wrapping of the newspaper. I understood that I should improve myself, so I agreed.
Although I understood that to improve means to sacrifice, I still had questions in my heart and attachments to self. For example, when wrapping the newspapers, I thought some practitioners were unreasonable. A practitioner told me that there are eight to nine practitioners involved in wrapping the newspapers every Thursday. I thought it would not affect my other projects if it only took me three to four hours every time. So I agreed to do it.
It did not take long for me to come across an opportunity to improve again. A few fellow practitioners did not show up one day, so four of us had to finish the workload for nine people. I had to spend a lot more time than usual to complete the work. I was not happy with it because this affected my other schedules.
I complained to the coordinator that wrapping the newspaper affected my schedule and I would not come again if this situation happened again.
One day, when I study the Fa, I was touched when I read, “The junior monk always works hard and tirelessly. It is quicker for him to repay his karma and become enlightened.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly realized that I should endure more hardship to eliminate more karma. I changed my mind immediately, and decided to continue to wrap the newspapers, no matter how much time it would take me to do it.
I went to wrap the newspapers again, even earlier than usual so that I could do more. When I arrived, I found that all things were not as I thought. There were many people there that day, and we quickly finished the job.
I realized that things would change as long as I changed my heart. I learned that I should always look inside when facing any conflicts, then the conflict can be resolved. That’s why Master always tells us to look inward. I hadn’t really looked inward before. Now I have improved myself in this aspect.
I came across another incident to improve my xinxing. Once a coordinator asked me to finish a shift on a truth-clarification site earlier and distribute the newspapers for three hours. I was reluctant in the beginning because I had to leave home at 10 a.m. and return home at 5 p.m. It was inconvenient because I had to bring my lunch or eat out that day. After a second thought, I treated it as an opportunity to improve, so I agreed immediately.
I felt my xinxing improved after this incident. I felt very comfortable when I did the meditation exercise that day. I realized it was what I should do as a practitioner. We cannot improve ourselves just by sitting there studying the Fa because Master requested us to do the three things well.
When I was happy about my improvement, I received a phone call asking me to distribute newspapers on a new distributing side.
I agreed. I went to the distributing side with a heart to awaken the conscience of more people there. I greeted everyone who passed by, and 90% of the people accepted the newspaper. I distributed five bundles of newspapers within 2 hours. When the coordinator came by, he saw that the newspapers were being distributed quite quickly and said, “This is Master’s encouragement.” This experience made me realize that letting go of selfishness and improving my xinxing is the real cultivation.
Master said, “The goal of practice for a Dafa disciple is spiritual perfection.” (Greetings to the Taiwan Fa Conference)
I hope that we can all stay diligent, improve together and awaken the conscience of more people.