(Minghui.org) When I recently read Master’s lecture, “Expounding on the Fa,” Master showed me a new understanding.
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I tried to be a good person. After reading this lecture I realized it’s time for me to raise my standard – to the standard of a divine being, not just a human being. Treating myself as a human being was an “excuse” for the old forces to continuously cause family tribulations for me.
I have practiced Falun Dafa for more than twenty years. Since my enlightenment quality is not very good, I’ve experienced several tribulations. Looking back, it seems that I have been dealing with family tribulations the entire time I’ve practiced. I’ve felt helpless and sometimes thought, “When will these family tribulations end? I must have a lot of karma I need to work through!” I even envied those cultivators who left society and practiced cultivation in remote mountains and woods.
Over the years, it seemed that the reason my husband and my daughter came into my life was to collect the debts I owed them. Even though I was kind and caring, they treated me badly.
I knew from the beginning that my husband’s extramarital affair was caused by my strong affection for him.
When I was pregnant with our second child, my husband had an affair with another woman and she became pregnant. He also had affairs with several other women. He wanted to divorce me.
I kept telling myself to abandon my emotional attachment to him. Even though I was lonely and had to take care of the kids on my own, I forgave him again and again.
No matter how kind or forgiving I was, he did not care about me. After our second child was born, I had severe leg pain and I needed to use a cane to walk. Seeing how difficult it was for me to take care of our small active children, I thought he would stay with me a little longer. (His company is in China. The kids and I live overseas). But he treated our home as a hotel. He never asked how I coped with my physical condition while raising small children.
After suffering for more than ten years, I finally learned to look within unconditionally. I found that I wished him to treat me well. It did not seem to be a big attachment, but it showed I still yearned for an ordinary husband-wife relationship. I finally decided to cut the last thread of affection. I would fulfill my duties as a wife and continue to treat him well.
Afterwards, the conflicts with my husband stopped and I finally broke through the tribulations with him.
My Daughter Treated Me Like an Enemy
I thought I'd finally passed family tribulations after I stopped being emotionally moved by my husband, and his behavior actually improved. Then, another tribulation started. This time it was my daughter.
When she entered her second year of middle school, my daughter began treating me like an enemy. Her teenage rebellion led to adolescent depression and an eating disorder. She ran away from home, dropped out of school, and was hospitalized. While all this was going on my husband was away working in China. Since he gave up on our daughter after her prolonged problems, I had huge complaints towards him. I almost broke down.
I was taking care of three children while doing Dafa projects to save people. I felt that my life was bitter and tiring. I kept reminding myself to put down my affections towards my husband and children. Besides that, I was not sure what other attachments I had. I thought I might have owed too many debts in my previous lifetimes.
Fellow practitioners advised me to study the Fa more, let go of human affection towards my family members, look inward, and send righteous thoughts. I listened and did everything they suggested.
However, the tribulations did not stop. My daughter declared she had absolute freedom and demanded that I not interfere with her. I felt desolate and helpless. I cared about her so much. She used to study the Fa with me when she was little!
For some time, I could not identify my fundamental attachments. I stayed at the level of being a good person. I used human reasoning to look at cultivation issues. Because of my low enlightenment, the old forces used my husband and daughter to make tribulations for me for a long time.
Enlightening from “Expounding on the Fa”
Master looks after practitioners. When everything seemed hopeless, Master used a practitioner’s mouth and told me to study the short lecture, “Expounding on the Fa.”
As soon as I read the first paragraph of “Expounding on the Fa,” I was in shock.
Master said,
“For a long period of time the sentient beings in Dafa, especially the disciples, have had a misunderstanding of the Fa at various levels regarding xinxing improvement. Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and have prevented them from doing Fa-rectification. How can the uncultivated side restrain your main thoughts or the side that has already attained the Fa? Having humanly fostered the evil demons, you allow them to capitalize on the loopholes in the Fa.” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Isn’t what Master described exactly how I was? I was viewing things with my human side: I thought my husband was heartless, and my daughter was being irrational and had no appreciation for my efforts. I was thinking about right and wrong with human reasoning. I thought they were at fault and I was being victimized. When I forgave them and tried my best to take care of them, I thought I was paying my “debt.” I did not realize that because I did not consider myself beyond ordinary people, the old forces used my affection and my feelings of owing a debt to make tribulations for me non-stop.
In other words, I put down my affections, but my affection was not the main excuse the old forces used to persecute me.
My problem was that I always treated myself as an ordinary person. I required myself to be a good person – a good wife and a good mother. I was kind and loyal. Yet I maintained human thoughts and notions. I used a set of human standards to measure what was right or wrong.
I aimed to be a good person. No matter how good a person is, he or she is still at the human level. Although I have practiced for more than 20 years, I did not think of myself as a divine being. The old forces saw that I remained at a human level and had not reached the higher standard. This was their main “excuse” to make me suffer from family tribulations.
Master told us,
“You should also be clear that “natural” does not exist, and “the inevitable” has reasons behind it. In fact, “natural” is irresponsibly used by everyday people to make excuses for themselves when they are unable to explain the phenomena of the universe, life, and matter. They cannot imagine what “nature” itself is. Under the influence of this kind of notion you think that all these tribulations are inevitable and that this is just the way it is, thereby developing a passive and pessimistic attitude. So your human side must stay aware. More importantly, your side that has attained the Fa must be clear.” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
When I read what Master said, I realized my problem—but I was still not sure what I should do. When I continued to read the next short lecture, “Abandon Human Attachments and Continue True Cultivation,” I finally understood. The answer was right there—in the lecture’s title.
I should abandon all my thoughts and notions at a human level, and enter a higher level of cultivation.
Then I read the following short lecture, “Take the Middle Way.” Before I read this lecture I understood: Master wanted my cultivation to become truly mature.
Master displayed a higher heavenly secret to me by guiding me to read these three lectures.
I understood: although I should completely let go of everything human and in my heart consider myself beyond human, my daily actions should look like a normal person. Others should feel I am a good person.
Now when I look back at the years of my family tribulations, everything is so clear! At that moment, I knew I'd reached a higher level.
Resentment Resolved after My Breakthrough
After I had these realizations, many changes quickly followed. My husband, who had been refusing to listen when I tried to clarify the truth, suddenly became interested in Falun Dafa.
My daughter also changed. On Chinese New Year's Eve, she said to me with a smile, “Mom, maybe I’m here to collect my debts.” She suddenly liked the dumplings I cooked and said, “Wow, they are delicious!” She had been refusing to eat whatever I cooked for a long time.
The next day, she said, “Mom, don’t worry about me. I will not do anything bad. Although I do not practice Falun Dafa, I always remind myself to be a good person.”
I could not believe my ears. She forgot how she had been yelling at me like I was her worst enemy all these years!
Immediately I thought, perhaps Master was using my daughter’s words to let me know that he has always been taking care of my daughter as well as my family. Master knew I was struggling and kept encouraging me, not to complain, not to give up, that whatever happened were good things. I needed to raise my standards, and walk out of human thinking.
The above is my experience on breaking through family tribulations. Please point it out if I’ve said anything that is not aligned with the Fa.