(Minghui.org) Greetings Venerable Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
Master said, “I’ll tell you a truth: The entire cultivation process for a cultivator is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” ( Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
Our time to cultivate will soon end, so we must grasp every opportunity to better cultivate ourselves. If we miss a single opportunity, it won’t be offered again.
At the beginning of this year, the Epoch Times and NTDTV in Toronto were combined into one unit. I felt truly happy as this was something I'd been wishing for. The two media finally became one family – we are able to share resources, study the Fa and do the exercises together, have meals together, go through tribulations together, improve and elevate together as one body.
The first step is usually the most difficult, and it was a little confusing at the beginning. My title changed from NTDTV Office Manager to the Epoch Media Group General Office Manager. At the beginning of the merger, I needed approval from all parties for every decision I made before I could carry it out; otherwise it wouldn’t work. Since I'm short-tempered, it has been a huge test of my patience and I experienced a lot of tribulations.
One time I talked to a practitioner privately about giving him another part-time job. The next day Boss C yelled at me, “You scared my employee away. He quit! I was already short of people. You are too pushy and full of yourself. Everybody is afraid of you and they tremble at the sight of you.” I realized I was in trouble and hurried to explain that my intentions were good and I wanted to give him more income. Boss C refused to listen to me and left angrily. I immediately called that practitioner but he kept ignoring my calls. I kept calling and eventually he picked up. I asked for his forgiveness for my communication problem and for the misunderstanding I caused. I begged him to come back. The practitioner was very kind and he agreed to return to work the next day.
I cried most of that day. I couldn’t understand why my good intentions turned out to be a bad thing. I couldn’t understand why Boss C, who I had always cooperated with, would criticize me so harshly. When I got home around midnight, I still couldn’t stop crying. I stayed in the garage, because I didn’t want my husband to see me like that. Instead of comforting me, he might rub salt into my wound, since he always told me, “If you can’t even pass little tests, how can you even talk about life and death tribulations?”
I sat in the garage, crying for half an hour. I went through three stages. In the first stage, I felt wronged; then I entered into the second stage where I felt ashamed for behaving badly after cultivating for so many years. I agreed with what Boss C said, “You are too pushy and full of yourself. Everybody is scared at the sight of you.” Normally I don’t take others’ words seriously, but if someone I trust gives me a stick warning, it really affects me. It made me see my shortcomings and I decided to change. In the third stage, I cried tears of gratitude. I thanked Master for giving me an opportunity to continue cultivating, I thanked Boss C for being responsible to me by pointing out my problems without worrying about offending me, and for helping me see the attachment I needed to get rid of. While I thanked Master in my heart, I felt a warm current rushing through me. I knew Master was encouraging me. Thank you Master!
However, the next day I still didn’t completely feel that I was being treated fairly, so I complained to Boss A and Boss B, telling them I couldn’t handle the job well and asked if they could find another position for me. Both bosses said, “Where else can you find better cultivation opportunities?” When I complained to the other practitioners, they teased me, “If you can’t handle this, what else can you do? Are you going to do sales again and go out to beg for money and get yelled at? If you can’t pass this test, how can you cultivate?”
I decided that resigning wasn’t right and I had no choice but to carry on. I sent a text to Boss C saying, “I’m sorry for the trouble and issue I caused due to my communication problem. I apologize and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for your reminder and criticism because otherwise I wouldn’t realize how badly I behaved. I will definitely change.” Boss C replied, “Thank you! It’s all a process of cultivation.” I was very grateful for the quick reconciliation. I realized that when we have conflicts with coordinators, we shouldn’t evaluate right or wrong based on personal emotions. Coordinators criticize us based on the interest of the whole body. If we take their blame personally, it would be easy for us to develop negative emotions which lead to conflicts. Who would be happy? The old forces. So we shouldn’t fall into their trap. As Dafa disciples, what is more magnificent than working and cultivating in Fa-rectification projects?
After the two media merged, I became responsible for managing four units. My workload kept increasing. Boss A wanted me to work in the unit with the most employees so she let me choose an office for myself. As soon as I tidied the office up, many practitioners came to talk to me. I felt a bit like a ‘boss’. I thought to myself that after working here for over ten years, it was finally time for me to look like a supervisor. However, before I got settled in, Boss A said, “People say your office is a bit noisy. Also there are a few directors who have worked here for a long time but don’t have an office.” I understood what she wanted. I said, “Okay, I’ll move out.” Boss A continued, “We have been having trouble finding someone to sit at the front desk. What should we do?” I understood and said, “I can sit at the front desk.” I noticed a relieved smile on her face. I solved two problems for her in one shot. I suddenly felt big and tall; I could feel my gong shoot up quite a bit and I felt like the person Master talked about in Zhuan Falun, ““No one wants the pieces of stone on the ground that are kicked here and there. So I’ll pick that up.”” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
However, when I got home, I couldn’t help thinking that I was treated unfairly. Instead of being a “supervisor”, I ended up being a “gate keeper.” I felt unbalanced. When I studied the Fa that night, I felt my gong dropping. The next morning when I moved my things to the front desk I looked happy on the surface. When everyone asked why I was sitting there, I was too embarrassed to answer. What’s more embarrassing was when practitioners entered and exited the office, they called me “Miss”, “Auntie”, “Ms. Ma”, “Mrs. Ma”, or even “pretty lady”. It was almost more than I could take.
Maybe because it was a bit too much for me, I had a dream that night and I saw a scene of “ascending in broad daylight”. Because I sat at the front of the office, I was the first one to fly out. When I woke up, I knelt before Master's picture and thanked him for encouraging me. I had human attachments, didn’t do well and made Master worry about me. Now that I've settled down happily at the reception desk, practitioners give me snacks when they walk by. One practitioner said I made the front desk as beautiful as a garden. I thought to myself that our media group is becoming the largest one in the world, so our front desk should match the image. I hope beautiful young ladies will come and sit at our reception desk. I believe it will happen one day.
Our English Epoch Times became a paid newspaper on Jun 22. Now I can sell newspapers at the reception desk, so I’m not just a gate keeper, I’m also a newspaper vendor.
I’m hot -tempered, but I'm also a warm and enthusiastic person. The hot- temper has been an attachment that has been hard to remove. Luckily I’m surrounded by fellow practitioners who are willing to help me. At the beginning of the merger, one practitioner said to me, “You got a promotion. How does it feel?” When I went to another person's office, she said, “The boss is paying me a visit?” When I was emptying the trash, another person commented, “Wow, the boss is taking out the trash, good job!” When I was washing the dishes, someone said, “Do you want to be a junior monk and increase your gong faster?” I knew they were joking with me, but I didn’t feel so great. I replied, “What promotion? I just have more toilets to clean and more people to serve.” “What boss? I just have a greater workload.”
Later I realized that although I thought the others were being cynical or sarcastic, I knew they are helping me.
One practitioner always makes sarcastic comments towards me. One time he came to the kitchen very late and I asked if he had lunch. He frowned and said, “Why would I be here if I had already eaten?” I asked, “Why do you always have an attitude when I talk to you?” He said very seriously, “No matter how I treat you, you have to treat me well.” I felt his words were on the Fa. I smiled and said, “You are right. Here's some food.” He smiled too. Later he stopped being sarcastic.
Another time he sincerely asked for my help. After it was done, I said, “You seem to loathe me. Otherwise why are you always so sarcastic?” He smiled and said, “Actually I don’t loathe you. I just enjoy making you annoyed.” I suddenly realized I should look inside as he was clearly telling me that I’m easily provoked. I immediately said, “Thank you so much!” I’m grateful for him from the bottom of my heart for helping me cultivate. Without those trials, it would be really hard to fix my bad temper.
I decided to get rid of my hot-temper. However, it’s easier said than done. I’m responsible for playing the exercise music for the media group morning exercise. I sit close to the music. A practitioner said, “You're pretty good at choosing the best spot.” I replied right away, “You can play the music.” The practitioner said, “Can't you tell that I was praising you? You've even become angry. You must still have Party culture.” I said, “Why can’t you praise me properly? Why do you have to make me angry?”
When I realized my hot-temper was acting up again, I made up my mind to think before I reacted. Actually, the practitioner was right, I was heavily affected by the Party culture even though I moved to Canada in 1995, 24 years ago. That’s why I can’t take criticism from others. Also, I felt unbalanced, because I thought I worked so hard, I got up so early every morning so everyone could do the exercises together. I was waiting to be praised. When the praise didn’t come as I had expected, my true nature was exposed. In fact, I often have this problem and I throw a tantrum whenever things don’t go my way.
When I dug a little deeper, I knew why the other practitioners like to tease me. It’s because I don’t care about other people’s feelings when I talk to them. I say whatever is on my mind. Sometimes I can be fierce and I've hurt many practitioners. One practitioner told me, “Actually you are a kind-hearted person, you just lose yourself when you throw a tantrum and vent your feelings. In the future when you feel you're about to throw a tantrum you should recite ‘Falun Dafa is good, Zhen-Shan-Ren (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance) is good’ in your heart, this way you can restrain yourself.”
After the two media merged into a media group, in order to create a better cultivation environment and invite more practitioners to join the morning group exercise and Fa-study, I get up at 4:30 a.m. every day. I arrive at the office to make congee and prepare breakfast for everybody. I’m also responsible for the exercise music. Now we have so many practitioners joining us, there is hardly enough congee for everyone. I often get praise for serving others. Luckily, I also receive sarcastic comments so I don’t develop an attachment of zealotry. While eating a delicious breakfast after doing exercises and studying the Fa, a fellow practitioner said to me sincerely, “It’s so nice to have you here!” Another practitioner said, “Yes, it’s so nice to have you here so we can all cultivate to higher levels.” I knew what they really meant was that I often give others tests and criticism. I thought to myself I shouldn’t criticize or blame others while serving them.
One time a practitioner asked how old I was. I said that I’m 56. She was surprised and said, “I’ve always thought you were in your 40s.” While I was feeling happy, another practitioner said, “Do you really think you look young? It’s because you act childish, you don’t act your age, so they think you are young.” I’m grateful for practitioners’ reminders. I promise to fix my bad temper and not say whatever hurtful words come to mind.
I’d like to conclude by sharing Master’s lecture and hope we do well together. “Those of you who work in the media have to cultivate yourselves well if you’re to do well at what you are supposed to do. And so cultivation should be first and foremost for you—for every Dafa practitioner involved in the media. That’s because how well you cultivate yourselves determines your power to save people as well as the effectiveness of your work. This is for sure.” (“2018 NTD and Epoch Times Fa Conference”)
Thank you Master!Thank you fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2019 Canada Fa Conference)