(Minghui.org) Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa, said:
“What this means is, a large portion of the Dafa disciples came with those cosmic bodies, and everybody formed karmic relationships. Once you've reached Consummation and returned it'll be almost impossible for you to see each other again, even if you want to. So, you should treasure this part of your karmic relationship.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. III)
Since I have been cultivating during the Fa-rectification period and clarifying the truth about Falun Dafa, I intended to cultivate diligently. I hoped that I would look inside, instead of outside, and cultivate myself instead of using the Fa to try to cultivate my fellow practitioners. But I had to make some fundamental changes.
In 1987, my husband and I divorced because of his extramarital affairs. I lost my job while my daughter was still in high school because my workplace shut down. Because of the mental and financial stress, I came down with Meniere’s disease and a stomach ulcer. Then, a friend helped me get a job in warehouse management and procurement.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. Before the persecution started in 1999, I cultivated on my own. I followed Master Li’s teaching, “No loss, no gain.” I never took bribes or goods from suppliers, and I was very strict when it came to money and property. I cultivated at my level of understanding when it came to my job.
Shortly afterward, in 2000, I suddenly realized that my mental distress and physical pains due to my divorce didn’t hurt as much. In fact, all the mental and physical distress and fear had completely disappeared.
Fang, a fellow practitioner, was my neighbor. From 1986 until the 2001 Chinese New Year when she was arrested and detained for going to Tiananmen to stand up for Dafa, hardly spoke to each other, because she was not aware that I was also a practitioner.
After Fang was released from detention, there were people monitoring her around the clock. I thought about how we were all cultivators and that if no one else cared about her, I would, that ours must be a karmic relationship.
After Fang and I got together, I learned what practitioners were doing. We then walked our cultivation paths together and used different ways to assist Master in rectifying the Fa.
As we worked together, unfortunately, I missed many opportunities to improve my xinxing. Instead, I was resentful and indignant. Whenever I talked to her about other practitioners who were doing well, she would always point out their shortcomings, and that made me think she was jealous. When she said how good she was doing, I thought that she was showing off. When I noticed that she was aggressive, I believed that she still was influenced by the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) indoctrination.
I always used the Fa, what fellow practitioners had shared, and my own notions to judge her. From time to time, I believed she was unreasonable. Many times, I just wanted to ignore her. What was even worse was that I started to complain inside, wondering why Master would arrange for me to have to work with such a fellow practitioner!
But no matter how much I complained, I always held a very strong thought: “We are both Dafa practitioners, so we should continue to work together.” Because I thought this, I would always contact her after a while. Every time we reconnected, there were new projects that made it necessary for us to work together and I would feel gratified that, fortunately, I was not self-centered.
However, since I did not cultivate diligently, I did not always act well. I thought I’d cultivated myself pretty well by considering everyone else first. But, in truth, I was stuck in this very serious situation of looking outward without solidly cultivating myself.
After I filed my criminal complaint against Jiang Zemin, the former head of the CCP, I was interfered with. Each time I was interfered before, I thought of complaining about Fang and did not want to have any further contact with her. After I negated this thought and made contact with her, there was interference. Each and every time, the danger was dissolved thanks to Master’s protection and Fang’s help.
After this happened several times, I looked within. I discovered that most of the time it was not my main consciousness doing things. I thought I had been negating and clearing out the last factors in my own dimensions that had been used by the old forces and also all the agreements I’d signed with the old forces at different stages. But I was not successful.
I felt that cultivation was so difficult and tough. What should I do? I could not continue like this. At that time, I read a practitioner’s experience sharing about reciting the Fa on the Minghui website and felt enlightened, so I decided to memorize and recite the Fa.
When I memorized and recited more and more of the Fa, I found my misunderstandings about cultivation. In the past when I saw fellow practitioners’ shortcomings, I would immediately think of Master’s Fa and that I’d cultivated pretty well.
When I agreed with other practitioners’ understandings of the Fa when I read their articles, I would also believe that I had cultivated pretty well in that aspect. How else could I share the same understanding?
It was not until several days ago when I thought of Fang’s attachment of showing off that I made the connection: “If I do not have the attachment of jealousy, how can I detect her attachment of showing off?” Then I could see my misunderstanding of cultivation: For so many years, I did not truly cultivate myself! In the past, after studying the Fa, I only understood the Fa principles on the surface.
After realizing this, I remembered cultivation issues. All of Fang’s high points were buried by my attachments. Thinking of this, I felt undeserving of Master’s compassionate salvation and fellow practitioners’ selfless help.
In the past, Fang said to me several times: “I’ve helped you so much, yet I’ve never heard you say ‘thank-you.’” I immediately thought that she had a very strong attachment to showing off. If I thanked her, she would have an even stronger attachment of showing off.
When I heard other practitioners complaining that their husbands couldn’t cook, I would defend the husband. When I saw that Fang had an aggressive personality, I thought she had not let go of the indoctrination by the CCP. Then I understood why she wanted me to thank her. It was because I lacked gratitude.
When another practitioner was picky, it was telling me that I had the attachment of being picky and should eliminate it. When I carefully examined my own words and behavior, I could see that I was really extreme in my behavior, especially when Fang or my family members touched on my attachments. I did not realize how serious cultivation was until then.
I started to recite the Fa after the Chinese New Year. Master saw that I had the wish to cultivate. When I recited a certain paragraph of the Fa, there would be things that happened and were related to the Fa, so as to make me aware of what I needed to improve upon from the Fa perspective.
For example, I realized that I was not determined in terms of believing in the Fa and Master, and that was the reason why I did not do well in the past. The next day when I was clarifying the truth to someone very close to where I lived, a police car stopped right in front of us. I started to chitchat with the person. After the police car drove away, I clarified the truth to the person and helped him quit the CCP.
When I was waiting for a bus, I saw a young man playing with his cell phone and found an excuse to start a conversation with him. Just as I was going to talk to him about Dafa, a police car turned around and drove towards me. I sent forth a thought: “Master, please help me!” I truly felt Master was right beside me at that moment. I did not look at the police and just continued talking to the fellow. The police car left, the bus arrived, and we both got on the bus. I clarified the truth to him and helped him quit the CCP.
Sometimes, I suddenly felt shocked and frightened. But very soon I would detect my hidden attachments when I was studying the Fa. I understood that it was because reciting the Fa had helped me find the attachments that I was not aware of.
I became more and more aware that contact with fellow practitioners is a great opportunity for us to cooperate, find our gaps, and elevate ourselves in cultivation.
With the progress of Fa-rectification, these opportunities will become fewer and fewer. Let us make better use of this magical tool of looking inside to improve together in the Fa and form one indestructible body.