(Minghui.org) Greetings Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1996. Twenty years later, I was a successful manager in a Fortune Global 500 company in China. Over the years, as my position and income kept getting higher, I was trapped deeper and deeper in human desires and attachments. For a long time I was unable to read Master's teachings with a calm mind.
I forgot the vow I made long ago -- to work in our media in order to help Master in Fa-rectification.
Yet Master never gave up on me. Starting in 2016, I often had the urgent feeling that I should go to the U.S. During a visit to New York that year, “by chance” I went to a park where some practitioners from our media often did the exercises. This chance meeting later led me to join the media.
After I moved to New York, the first difficulty I faced was that the temporary housing did not have enough beds and I ended up sleeping in the living room. This turned out to be a good thing. At home, I usually got up at 3:40 a.m., and called the entire family to get up to do the morning exercises.
Every day I went to tourist sites to clarify the truth. It was physically challenging to carry the exhibition boards and stacks of materials. But I felt I was really lucky. I no longer needed to worry about getting arrested when I talked to people about Dafa. I read the teachings every day, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts. When I sent righteous thoughts, I could feel energy emitting from every fingertip to the layers of dimensions in the universe.
When I was in China, I did not cultivate very diligently. I often had nightmares that I fell from high places such as mountains, airplanes, or even the heavens; or trying but failing to catch planes, trains, and even bicycles. Sometimes in my dreams I had tests, but I always failed. After I moved to New York, these bad dreams stopped.
Some Chinese tourists were very rude. Several times, I thought, “It's fine with me if you don't want to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). It will be you who faces the consequences when the Party falls apart!”
Then I had two vivid dreams. In the first one, many practitioners came down with Master on a large boat to save the human world. I saw that countless people were struggling in dark, muddy water. They tried to lift their heads and arms hoping someone would save them.
In another dream, a group of flying heavenly girls came to me. The lead girl told me that she came to give me a magic weapon which I needed to complete my cultivation. When she waved her hand I saw big golden words in the sky: Benevolence and Compassion.
I realized I had a great responsibility. Master gave us magic weapons to save more people. I must do better. After I had those dreams, no matter how rude Chinese tourists were, I always kept a calm heart and a smile on my face.
After three months of clarifying the truth at tourist sites, I began helping sell Shen Yun tickets. By that time I moved to a new place and I started taking classes. I thought I had a great plan: I would participate in Dafa projects while taking classes. I would find a job and denote money to Dafa projects. I was no longer eager to join the media. I was like the person Master described,
“He will think that he still has a long way to go in life, and he still wants to make every effort to achieve some goals of everyday people. ” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
One day after I returned home from selling tickets at a Shen Yun booth, I developed a high fever. I wasn't concerned. I once passed a life-death test which did not go on more than one night. I thought this was the old forces trying to prevent me from selling Shen Yun tickets. I looked inward and found several attachments. I sent righteous thoughts before going to bed.
The next day, my body felt terrible. The high fever continued. My throat hurt so badly that I could not speak. I had no strength and I could not even do the first set of the exercises.
Breathing became difficult. Night after night, I could barely sleep. I kept coughing. With each cough, a sharp pain tore through my chest. At night it seemed like I was about to suffocate several times and I asked Master to save me. It felt like there was a metal file between my two temples, which kept drilling into my skull. I never experienced such pain in my life. I was unable to eat or sleep. I kept losing weight.
I tried my best to read Dafa books, recite the Fa, do the exercises, and send righteous thoughts. I kept reminding myself that I did not acknowledge the old forces' arrangements. I increased the time I sent righteous thoughts from one hour per day to two hours, three hours, and then four hours. I looked within and found attachments related to fame, gain, and lust. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate them.
Yet my physical condition did not improve at all. My chest pain got worse. I became so weak that even lifting a spoon was difficult.
I knew I was in danger. The old forces wanted to destroy me. I knew I did not cultivate well, but I could not find my main attachment. I would not allow the old forces to take me! I kept reminding myself to do these three things:
1. No matter how painful, every morning I joined my family members to do the five sets of exercises. Sometimes I could not complete them. I made sure to finish them during the day.
2. I constantly reminded myself to assimilate to the Fa. I kept telling myself that I am Master's disciple and I will pass this test. I repeatedly recited:
“The more hopeless things may seem, it’s possible hope will appear right before your eyes. Especially during those times when you are feeling so bored, perhaps you are in fact establishing your mighty virtue.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple” )
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
“Things are bound to turn around after reaching the limit! ” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
3. I kept looking inward. Thinking about my time in New York back to when I was in China, I carefully observed what I experienced and what my attachments were. I knew there must be some attachments which I hadn't found. Every evening when my family came home, I shared with them what I identified, and asked them to help me look for more attachments.
Again and again, I asked Master to strengthen me and give me a hint. In the past, I had hints from Master many times in my dreams. But this time I had no hints.
Almost two weeks passed, but my condition did not improve. I told my family, “I don't know how much longer I can hold on.”
I was calm. I knew I was a disciple and I would follow Master no matter what happened. While I meditated the following morning, I had the sudden thought, “You're still young. It's a pity that you'll leave. You just came to New York, but you haven't done anything here.”
I was shocked. I knew this thought was not from my true self. Although I felt I had reached my limit of endurance, I never thought of giving up. It was the old forces who wanted me to give up. I set aside a good career in China and came to New York. This was the best arrangement Master gave me. There was something that I needed to do here! If I died, what would my relatives, friends and colleagues think of Dafa? I could not give Dafa a bad name! I won't leave early. I will follow the path Master arranged for me.
That day, I sent righteous thoughts from 8 o'clock in the morning until midnight. I also begged Master to give me a hint on what I was doing wrong.
The following evening, a practitioner contacted me and asked me to help her translate the cultivation sharing she wrote. I replied and told her that I was unable to help since my situation required me to continue studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending righteous thoughts.
While I meditated I realized: “The practitioner's message was for YOU.” I suddenly understood: I was selfish! I did not put Dafa as my priority. When I was asked to do something, my first thought was always how to arrange my time and classes. I didn't first think about what the Dafa projects needed me to do. I never realized this before and I thought I was doing well.
When I understood this, the “metal file” sawing between my temples was not as tight as before. I could move my head.
Although my head felt slightly better, all the other symptoms were still serious. My immigration appointment was scheduled in 4 days. I was still coughing and felt like I was on the verge of suffocating. That afternoon I did the exercises for more than five hours. I almost could not stand. I reminded myself what Master said,
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Although I was still in pain, I felt strong. I kept telling myself: I am Master Li Hongzhi's disciple; I am helping Master. Everything that happened to my body is an illusion and a test. I am able to pass this test!
I regained my strength. Despite being unable to speak and still in pain, I went to a tourist site and helped by holding an exhibition board.
During the next two weeks, every day I added two 30 minute sessions of sending righteous thoughts. Gradually and slowly, my discomfort went away.
I believe the following things were extremely important during my difficult time.
1. Sending righteous thoughts. In the past I could feel the power when sending righteous thoughts. But during those 26 days, I could not feel anything. The bad headache interfered with me. Sometimes I even heard a voice saying: “It's pointless to do this.” The old forces wanted me to feel hopeless. When I passed the test, I felt the power again when sending righteous thoughts. Because I continually sent righteous thoughts I did not feel very sleepy during even though I barely slept for 26 days.
2.Treasure group Fa-study. When I attended the big group study, I had to hold onto everything to support myself. As soon as I entered the Fa-study room, I felt my body relax. During group sending righteous thoughts, I felt wrapped in a cocoon and surrounded by golden energy. I felt very comfortable. I wished the feeling could last forever.3. Always have strong will. Master said,“ The old forces know that I don't acknowledge it, so why do they still do that? Because there's one thing that they can still accomplish, and that's their wanting to break the students' will.” （“Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference” ）
4. Be compassionate. I was asked many times to go to hospitals to send righteous thoughts for some of the elderly practitioners who were going through sickness karma tribulations. As a young person, it was often arranged to stay the night when I was already very tired. Sometimes I complained to myself, wondering why these practitioners did not cultivate better so that they did not need to have us send righteous thoughts all the time. After my own tribulation, I truly understood how those practitioners felt and how urgent they need everyone's help and support.
I began to work in our media last April as part of the marketing team. It certainly did not go as smooth as I hoped.
The very first day, I had a bad headache the entire day. During the first month, as soon as I entered office, I had trouble breathing and I felt dizzy. My memory, an ability which I was so proud of, became so bad that sometimes I forgot the name of my last project. For every task I received, I had no idea how to begin. I felt like a completely useless idiot.
This situation lasted for three months. In addition, whenever I stared at the computer screen, there was a stabbing pain in my eyes. The hair next to my temples turned gray. I felt frightened as soon as I thought of going to the office. I was afraid of the emptiness feeling when I sat in an office. I was afraid of losing face. I tried to send righteous thoughts but it did not seem to help much.
I wanted to apologize to Master. Master arranged all the best for me. The media needed my contribution, yet I wanted to escape. A part of me wanted to run away and go to do something easier for me such as clarifying the truth at tourist sites. Another part of me knew Master arranged for me to be in the media.
My family members, as well as my supervisor, could not understand why I wanted to leave. Every morning before I left for the office, I told my family maybe I shouldn't go. They said I was being “ridiculous.” I hoped the media would fire me but it did not happen.
On the anniversary of the April 25 staged incident, I decided to resign the next day. After the activity that night, I discovered my car was towed away. A sign next to where I parked said, “No Parking Anytime” which was not there when I parked the car. I remember confirming with two other practitioners before I parked and we all saw the sign showed parking was ok.
I suddenly understood that Master was letting me know that I was heading the wrong way. Master arranged for me to be in the media. It was my cultivation path. If I didn't follow this path, I wouldn't make it home.
I looked inward again and again that night. The next morning I went to the office as usual.
I only felt comfortable when I was not in the office. I continued to send righteous thoughts but I did not see any obvious improvement. I still wanted to leave the media. I often got lost on the way home even when I drove with the GPS on. I knew Master was telling me my status was dangerous. I was unable to break through the old forces' arrangement.
On June 30th, I was doing a new task. It was 6:00 o'clock in the evening. I was the only person in the office. I worked on two computers at the same time - one in an Epoch Times account and another in a New Tang Dynasty TV account. The busiest time was 2:00 to 3:00 in the morning. I had already worked nonstop more than 10 hours. My right arm, which held the computer mouse, went numb. I kept sending righteous thoughts. I told myself I could do it. I asked Master to give me strength. It was the first time I really focused on the media work. I had a sudden thought, “You've finally come back!” Tears rolled down my face and I said, “I'm so sorry that I came so late.” My mind was clear and I really understood what Master said,
“The heavens clear,the cosmic body transparent” (“After the Catastrophe”, Hong Yin )
I continued to work until the next afternoon when the broadcasting finished.
Master said,
“Don’t use human notions to judge the Fa-rectification or the form in which Dafa disciples cultivate, and don’t always prolong the process of improving your understanding due to your human thoughts. You are people walking the path to godhood, and every single attachment will hinder you.” (“New Year’s Greetings”, The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III )
At last, with firm righteous thoughts and Master's help, I broke through the negative elements which had been preventing me from doing the media work. From that day on, the heavy pressure and discomfort I felt in the office disappeared, as well as my gray hair. My true self was back!
Working in our media IS the best arrangement for me, given by Master. Thank you Master!
I also wanted to thank my family members - fellow practitioners - for their selfless help and support. I want to thank my supervisor for her endless encouragement and tolerance, and her faith in me when I wanted to quit.
Please point out anything improper.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2019 NTD and Epoch Times Fa Conference)