(Minghui.org) Master Li Hongzhi mentioned during one of his lectures that one of the principles of the old cosmos is that, if something good happens, something bad will follow.
When I was in junior high school, my father had an operation, and my mother looked after him while he was in the hospital. When I got home from school, I decided to make dumplings for them and take them to the hospital.
Riding home on my bicycle, the roads were slippery from a recent snowstorm, and I fell down, slid across the road, and found myself under a large tractor. I held onto my bike and crawled out from under the tractor. When I stood up, the tractor took off. I was not injured, and many passersby exclaimed, “Heaven must be protecting that girl.”
After joining the workforce, I was put in charge of a warehouse. To get into the warehouse, you had to go through more than one door and climb a metal ladder. I was in a rush and forgot about the ladder. It fell and hit my head. I was taken to the emergency room covered in blood. To the surgeon's astonishment, there was only a small cut on my upper lip. They took 12 stitches, and if you do not look closely, you can't see the scar.
I was fortunate despite those misfortunes. It seemed as though there was a supernatural force or energy that would save me when I was in danger. After I started to practice Falun Dafa, I understood that Master is watching over his disciples even before they obtain the Fa!
Jiang’s followers colluded with the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to persecute and defame Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa) beginning in July 1999. Not long after that, I was arrested and taken to a police station. While there, I memorized many of Master’s lectures and books, including Hong Yin. Since then, I often recite Hong Yin.
I remember something that happened while I was reciting Hong Yin and Hong Yin Vol. II while on a public bus. I just need to look at the table of contents, and it takes less than 20 minutes to recite it all. By the time I finish reciting the two books, I have usually reached my stop.
One day, after reciting “Tempering Your Will,” I wanted to recite the next poem, but no matter how I tried, I just could not remember it, not even its title. It was so strange! I tried reciting the next piece and could not remember it, either. I wondered what was wrong. I then recited whichever poems I could remember. As I did, I realized that they contained the word “hardship.” I realized that Master wanted me to recite all the poems that had the word “hardship” in Hong Yin once.
At that time, my understanding of the Fa and my xinxing were limited. Therefore, I just thought simply that Master saw that I could not take much hardship, so he was making me aware of this. I knew I should put in more effort, endure more hardship in my Fa study, and study the Fa more in the future.
Master said,
“You brought about the karma yourself, so in your cultivation you have to suffer to eliminate it. In the midst of suffering, you improve yourself and are tested as to whether you’re unwavering.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore)
Yes, I indeed lacked an inner quality to endure hardship. I still remember when I first became a practitioner, my classmate and fellow practitioner was in charge of bringing the recorder to the practice site in the garden to do the exercises every morning at 5 a.m. She could meditate with both legs in the full lotus position for half an hour, but I couldn't do it at all, plus, I was late and missed the first four exercises. Sometimes, my mother had to drag me to the practice site. I was lazy, pampered, had a bad temper, and got angry easily.
After calming my heart, I started to look inside. Although I am cultivating so painstakingly, I must ask myself if I am truly cultivating myself. Despite obtaining the Fa 21 years ago, how much have I understood during my cultivation and how many sentient beings have I missed saving? I am so ashamed of myself. Isn’t this selfishness? Isn’t this fear? Am I just afraid of being persecuted again? Aren’t I just scared of suffering more hardship? Didn’t Master say that we are cultivators who are taking the path towards divinity? Don't we have to get rid of our attachments? Isn’t this enduring hardship, or am I afraid of enduring hardship?
I was arrested and taken to detention centers many times. Haven't I already been tortured? So why I am still afraid of enduring hardship? As I dig deeper, I must get rid of this selfishness that has accumulated in me over these thousands of years, as that is not the true me.
Several other practitioners and I helped practitioners who are going through serious illness tribulations. We studied the Fa in the morning and sent forth righteous thoughts. Because I live relatively far from these practitioners’ homes, I finished the five exercises with my family before 5:30 a.m., had breakfast, and left home sending righteous thoughts at 6. That way, I avoided the morning rush hour and reached my destination 7:30 a.m. We did this once a week during the winter.
One of the practitioners said doing that was too much for me, but I did not think so. When I see attachments in other practitioners, I advise them to look within and do the same myself. That has helped me to improve and to get rid of many human attachments.
Master said,
“A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.” (“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
My understanding of “takes hardship as joy” is actually the realm of a benevolent person! A true cultivator should first cultivate to become a benevolent person. A truly benevolent person will definitely take hardship as joy and feel joy in doing so.
Not long after I was released, the police came to my home again because I had refused to give up my faith. I knew that they wanted to take me for brainwashing or to “transform” me, so I was forced to become destitute and homeless.
While I was homeless, another practitioner delivered Master’s new lectures to my mother, who is also a practitioner. Knowing that they would miss me, she kept visiting my parents and brought them seasonal fruits.
After I returned home, my mother, whose heart was deeply moved by this practitioner said, “Child, you must never forget her!” After that, whenever I visited that practitioner, I brought fresh fruit or cake for her mother.
However, this became burdensome. Also, that practitioner told me that it was not necessary for me to bring fruit or spend money when I came to visit. But how could I forget how she helped me when I was going through the worst time of my life? I continued until she told me that it was becoming a burden for her.
This had become an attachment of selfishness that had formed in my bones through thousands of years. One should not be selfish and not think about oneself. We should see to others' needs first. In this case, I was doing all that for myself only. I am so sorry, Master. I was wrong and I will change for the better!
A parent of one of the children I teach heard some of the songs that I downloaded from the Tianyin website, liked them, and asked me for the lyrics. I did not have internet connectivity at the time, but I promised to find them. Then I forgot.
I asked another practitioner for the lyrics. When I saw that practitioner again, she asked me, “Are you collecting the lyrics that Master wrote?” At that time, Hong Yin Vol. III had just been published, and I was stunned, as though someone had hit me on the head. She said bluntly, “Aren’t you collating them for a student’s parent?” I said, “The songs in Tianyin are produced by practitioners. Master did not write them. Aren't those that Master wrote all in Hong Yin Vol. III?”
When I was homeless in 2002, I had seen some of the songs on Tianyin. No matter what, I would never collect Master’s lectures! How could that practitioner say that? Did other practitioners look at me in such a terrible light? I soon found an excuse to leave.
I thought that I had been so wronged and that now I was not reliable in the eyes of other practitioners. We had gotten along for so many years, but, in her eyes, I stooped so low as to collect Master’s lectures. Just as I reached the bus stop, Master’s lecture appeared in my mind,
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Then I remembered two incidents. Before I was released from prison, the warden told me to fill out a form. A practitioner in the same cell as I saw it and pointed to one of the conditions. She asked, “Have they lightened your sentence?”
I was stunned and simply replied, “No.” In prison, if a practitioner had her sentence shortened, that was the same as going against Master. The chief warden asked to see me a few times to try to get me to give up my belief by reducing my sentence, but I turned down the offer. How could that practitioner have asked me that question?
In the other incident, I found the warden's helper and asked if we could talk. We went to a temporary warehouse, where I told her about the goodness of Dafa, that Dafa is practiced in more than 100 countries, and about the universal law that kindness is rewarded and evil will incur punishment. In the end, she told my cell supervisor to let me sleep like everyone else. The supervisor shouted, “What is the matter with Falun Gong? They can't take hardship! It has only been a few days and they can no longer take it and are asking the warden's helper to end the punishment.” I could not speak the truth and tell them that she'd lifted my punishment because I had clarified the truth to her and she'd understood. For a long time after that, all the practitioners who passed by looked down on me.
These two incidents made me suddenly see the light: “Isn’t feeling wronged and tolerating in tears the behavior of a non-practitioner? Shouldn’t I get rid of this attachment?”
Isn’t there a piece in one of the Shen Yun performances where a kind monk takes in an unmarried lady’s baby and is maligned for being dishonorable? He did not try to explain, he just tried his best to look after the baby. As he did not have such an attachment, he was not moved by what others said, so there was no need for him to explain.
My heart was moved by how others thought about me. Who knows the truth? Master knows. In that case, who else needs to know the truth? Aren’t these practitioners trying to help me improve in my cultivation?