(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!
It’s been almost two years since I became the coordinator of our region. During this time I’ve experienced many incidents that clearly showed my attachments and inadequacies. Much that I had not discovered earlier was finally brought to light. With the compassionate support of fellow practitioners and looking inside, I have overcome some of the hurdles.
Master Li Hongzhi said:
“I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears. I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could! If others are not convinced deep down inside but only superficially comply, they will still conduct themselves according to their own will when no one is around to see them.” (“Clearheadedness,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I often discuss Master's Fa with other practitioners and realized more often than not that I had not reached the required cultivation state. The minute I was under stress when working on a project, and something had to be speedily finished, my words were no longer those of a cultivator. This was immediately reflected by the reaction of my partner, who either rejected my suggestion, critiqued it, or quit participating. This situation taught me to be more careful with my words and thoughts.
When I kept a calm mind, however, everything was easily resolved. This insight strengthened my confidence in the Fa, Master, and my fellow practitioners. I understood that as a coordinator I had to remain without prejudice when it came to practitioners, and support them in all situations.
I’m admittedly rather introverted and prefer to remain in the background. Having accepted the coordinator's task, I was suddenly pushed to the front and had to talk in front of many practitioners and moderate. I also had to deal with unfamiliar tasks.
I felt as if I was sitting in a glass box at first, and that everyone was observing me to see if I did well enough. Soon enough I realized that these were my personal fears, and arose from the attachments of losing face and being criticized. Yet I could take quite well the compassionate hints from practitioners. However, whenever I faced criticism that made me feel that I was being treated unfairly, and I had no real connection with the respective situation, my heart became restless.
Nevertheless, it helped to remember what Master said,
“Students will measure every move an assistant makes according to Dafa, and whether it is good or not can be clearly distinguished. Once you have the intention of building yourself up, the students will think that you have a xinxing problem. Therefore, only by being modest can you do things well. Your reputation is established based on a good understanding of the Fa. How could a cultivator be free of mistakes?” (“How to Provide Assistance,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Everything is actually very easy, but I always fell into the same trap. Whenever I faced a particular situation, I took a step back and looked within. In doing so, I discovered that my pride was hurt and that I held onto some fixed ideas. How could I expect a fellow practitioner to act just as I wished?
When I looked within further, I found my attachment to comfort and stubbornness. The more I became concerned about an individual treating me harshly, the worse I felt. These situations gave me sleepless nights.
Master keeps reminding us to look inward whenever we are faced with a discord. I discovered that it was precisely these deep-seated attachments that were mirrored, such as anger and not forbearing. I would not have discovered my attachments without these incidents.
I thus often recited the Fa, which helped me distance myself from my shortsightedness, and helped me view the incidents from a broader perspective. My heart then calms down and I can relax. I can be forgiving and let go of resentment. These are constant hurdles I have to pass. I know that when I overcome these hurdles, my xinxing improves, and I feel relieved.
Master said:
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren),” Essentials for Further Advancement)
While doing the exercises as a group, one of the practitioners kindly pointed out that since I was a coordinator, I should do the exercises correctly, as I was considered a role model. I realized that I should lead by example, I thus watch myself closely. Even when studying the Fa, I sit as long as possible in the lotus position. I have noticed that other practitioners also sit in the lotus position and treat Zhuan Falun with more respect. They had not done so in the past. This does not need words, as the example deeds are enough. We believe in Master, the Fa, and our fellow practitioners.
When we planned a large activity, we could not get hold of one practitioner. I tried to reach her by phone but could not. I absolutely had to have information as to how the project had progressed. When I approached her later, she claimed that she simply needed to rest before continuing with the project. I realized that I had to be patient.
My confidence in this practitioner wavered at that time, but I realized that such thoughts were not beneficial for any type of project. When I face project problems I try to resolve them as soon as possible with the responsible person. I want to assure that there are no misunderstandings.
For a while, I could not focus on studying the Fa. I thus began to memorize the Fa. This activity helped me gain more insight, a deeper understanding of the Fa and allowed me to reach new levels.
I hope that my experience sharing will encourage other practitioners to write an article about their cultivation experiences. This will benefit practitioners, help them gain greater understanding, and help them eliminate attachments.
(Presented at the 20019 German Fa Conference)