(Minghui.org) I recently had a dream where I went to France. Other practitioners in the dream said, “Oh you're awake. You've been sleeping all the way, but we haven't left your side.”
I realized that Master was hinting at me that I had been muddle-headed and that only recently had my mind become clear and arrived in “France” (in Chinese, the pronunciation represents a territory composed of Fa).
In the past, it was too easy for me to abandon my main consciousness while doing the sitting meditation. That is, until two years ago when Master arranged for a fellow practitioner to help me.
I'd had this problem since before leaving China. At that time, I went to work during the day and did the three things after work. I would also free up some time by sleeping less.
When I woke up in the morning, I often felt sleepy, so that during the sitting meditation it was very easy for me to lose concentration half-way through. I knew I shouldn't be like this, but I didn't pay much attention to rectifying the problem.
After I came abroad, I began to work for one of the media companies set up by Dafa practitioners. I put in a lot of effort at work and felt pretty good about myself. However, my situation became exactly like what is described in Zhuan Falun:
“Everything goes wrong. People mistreat him, and his boss also does not favor him. Even the situation at home becomes very tense. Why are there so many problems all of a sudden?”
Indeed, in my own life people looked at me in a strange way. My boss criticized me, and so did his boss. One practitioner swore at me, making me feel humiliated. Even those practitioners who I used to get along with also complained about me. So did my wife. I thought to myself, “Why do I have to suffer like this? I want to quit!”
The hardships I experienced during those days brought me to tears many times. The pressure became so intense that it even surpassed what I had been subjected to in China during the early stages of the persecution. Still, I didn't want to give up on what I was supposed to do. However, the idea of quitting my job kept popping up.
At the time I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed, thinking, “Should I carry on or give up?” I decided that leaving my job was not something Master would want me to do, so I made up my mind to carry on and breakthrough the tribulation.
I decided to start my cultivation from scratch, firming up my belief in Master and the Fa, and making up my mind to follow Master unconditionally. I realized that the tribulations I encountered in everyday life came because I didn't want to listen to others. I knew these tribulations came about because Master was trying to help me improve.
The standard for a practitioner's behavior is set by the Fa. For example, things like having conscious awareness during the sitting meditation and sending forth righteous thoughts.
I thought that I believed in Master and the Fa, yet I couldn't even reach the basic requirements of the Fa. So did I truly believe?
After sharing my thoughts with other practitioners I started paying more attention to the little things. In daily life I tried to keep my mind clear by deterring interference and staying focused and alert. I soon became more aware when doing the sitting meditation and sending forth righteous thoughts. If I felt sleepy, I would open my eyes wide, or take a nap before starting the sitting meditation.
I realized that I tended to pay too much attention to my own sense of self. I'd also complain about other practitioners, and when I tried to point out their problems, they didn't accept my words at all. I was looking outward, but gradually came to realize that I should look inward instead.
While out driving one day, I began to complain about some other practitioners. Suddenly a police car appeared behind me. I realized that my thinking wasn't right, and then the police car disappeared. A police car reappeared every time my thinking was not correct. Finally, I sincerely apologized to Master for complaining. After that I wasn't followed by a police car anymore.
Master said:
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” in Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
Though I knew we have a “magical tool,” I didn't use it wisely. When I ran into a conflict, using this “magical tool” never crossed my mind. Instead, I was full of human notions. While on the surface I looked like someone who was even-tempered, deep down my temper could flare up at any time because I didn't cultivate myself well.
Only when I began to look inward did I realize that I had many problems. It wasn't until I realized that I should focus on my own cultivation and leave everything else to Master that my mind gradually became clear.
Another attachment I harbored was the pursuit of leisure. This was a strong attachment for a while, but I later realized that hardship is a good thing for a practitioner.
I should just maintain a normal life and use the time remaining to do the three things well. When I did not cultivate diligently, I also had a hard time passing the trial of lust in my dreams.
A couple of years have now passed and my state when doing the sitting meditation has improved greatly—I have become much more focused and aware.