(Minghui.org) I had not been doing the three things well and had not been very diligent with my cultivation. I found it hard to talk to people about Falun Dafa because I was afraid of being persecuted.
I downloaded the Dafa music “Jishi” and “Pudu” into my phone, but I often only listened to “Pudu.” On my way to work one day, I wondered why I did not have enough compassion. Just then, I had a desire to listen to “Jishi,” so I turned it on. As soon as the music started, Master's words appeared in my mind: “Without 'nothing,' it is a human feeling. If it is a human feeling, then it's not bei (compassion).” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference”)
Tears rolled down my cheeks at that thought, so I dug deep into the bottom of my heart to seek the reason why I lacked compassion.
It was selfishness.
My skin is darker than the average Chinese, so I was sensitive to others’ mentioning my skin tone. Back in grade school, I was nicknamed “black skin,” “old skin,” and so on. That made me shy away from social events, and I did not have the confidence to talk to people outside the home. I felt sorry for myself and was withdrawn, quiet, and introverted. This feeling of inferiority later became a strong attachment that interfered with my cultivation.
Although I knew clearly that I should not have any pursuits, when I did the exercises, hidden deep down was the desire for fairer skin, a prettier appearance, a nicer voice, more hair, and the like.
Master told us:
“If you come to learn the practice and this Dafa with various pursuits, you will not learn anything. I’ll tell you a truth: The entire cultivation process for a cultivator is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Zhuan Falun)
I had unintentionally mixed human pursuits into my goal of cultivation and was selfishly attached to strong human desires. I was not cultivating in accordance with Dafa.
I also wondered why it didn't always go well when I tried to tell people about Dafa and the persecution. After searching inside, I realized that I wanted to prove myself right instead of treating everyone with compassion.
Before telling someone about Dafa, I wanted the person to believe me right away or to have their illnesses cured and then have them feel grateful to me. If someone did not agree with me, I would categorize them as a bad person. I would feel so disappointed that it discouraged me from staying on task.
“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Zhuan Falun)
I realized that because Master is the one who saves people, they should be grateful to Master instead of me. I can do nothing without Master's mighty virtue and mercy. I am simply a small particle of the Fa, and clarifying the facts to people is the responsibility of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples.
After finding the source of my issues, I continued listening to “Jishi” and sensed the mercy expressed in the music. My eyes were filled with tears as I saw people passing by. I could finally feel compassion in my heart.
I can only continue to cultivate and improve myself. Then, I can truly sense the boundless virtue of Master and Dafa.
“Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in springRighteous thoughts can save the people in this world” (“The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos” from Hong Yin Volume II)
I must genuinely do the three things well to be a genuine Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period.