(Minghui.org)I started practicing Falun Gong in 1996. In my 21 years of cultivation, I have attended many Fa conferences but have never shared my cultivation experiences. Although I have gone through many tribulations, I can report to Master that there were a few times I did my best.
Basically, I have no conflicts with ordinary people and other practitioners, but I do with my wife, who is also a practitioner. Our conflicts have been intermittent but have caused great pain for both of us.
Our conflicts usually arise over small things in daily life—our habits, how to handle things, and how we speak. Although not serious at the time, they are hard to control. Although I looked inside for my shortcomings after each argument, I found more faults with my wife. My human notions then grew and accumulated.
In Teaching the Fa at the Conference in New Zealand, Master said:
“Human thoughts are eliminated layer by layer in Dafa cultivation. You know, it’s just like the layers of an onion being peeled off one by one until eventually the core is reached.”
I used this Fa teaching to excuse myself for not truly looking inward for my human thoughts. I would note anything relevant to my wife during Fa study and read it to her later when she was calm. Although it appeared that we were sharing experiences, actually, I did not follow the requirements of the Fa and unintentionally tried to press her to change.
We started to complain about each other. My attachments of fighting and resentment intensified and led to discord in our Fa studies. Eventually we stopped studying the Fa together.
Our situation improved somewhat after we moved and other practitioners nearby studied the Fa with us in our home. The change was superficial, however, because I did not look inward to change myself and could not let go of self. From time to time my wife and I disagreed for no reason and brought up old scores to try to convince the other one to change.
I had recently cultivated myself better from the perspective of the Fa and thought that my cultivation state had improved. I paid more attention to the attitude and tone of voice that my wife complained about and felt good about my improvement.
One day I nagged her about some small thing while preparing for our breakfast. She suddenly lashed out at me for no reason.
I took it calmly and sent righteous thoughts to look inward. The cause of our conflicts immediately became clear to me. In front of Master’s photo, I apologized: “Master, it was all my fault because I did not do well on my cultivation path.” I did not have any bad thoughts about her in my mind and carried no resentment for her afterward.
Master taught us:
“So you must take sending forth righteous thoughts seriously. No matter whether you think you have the ability or not, you should do it. What you eliminate from your own mind are ones which have an effect within the expanse of your own body; at the same time, you need to eliminate the external ones, which are directly related to the dimensions you're in. If you don't eliminate them, then they not only persecute you and restrain you, but also persecute other students, other Dafa disciples.”(“Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference II)
I was enlightened that the more resentment I had, the more annoying things she would bring up. It was my attachments to resentment and fighting that had caused our conflicts. The old forces took advantage of my human notions to create gaps for us.
Since we are family, our xinxing will affect each other even though we cultivate separately. When my karma was exploited by the old forces, my wife's shortcomings would show up and she would be pulled down also.
Why did we still not understand the old forces' tricks after so many years of cultivation? Why did I not look at myself and just continue to blame her?
After identifying my attachments, I really no longer resented my wife. I felt sorry for her because my lack of diligence had adversely affected her cultivation.
In A Congratulatory Message to the Taiwan Fa Conference, Master said,
“Cultivation is about cultivating one's heart and cultivating oneself. When there are problems, conflicts, difficulties, and unfair treatment, one is still able to search oneself and look inside, and that's real cultivation, and only then will one be able to continuously improve, walk straight on the path of cultivation, and head toward Consummation!”
Master has always taught us to cultivate ourselves well. I did not know the true deeper meanings of the Fa and follow it to cultivate to improve myself, but tried to use it to press my wife to change. It was disrespectful of Master and Dafa.
After this conflict, it seemed I awoke from a dream and now knew how to cultivate myself. When I look back at all the opportunities I had lost to raise myself, my regret is overwhelming.
In his poem “Solid Cultivation”in Hong Yin, Master said:
“Learn Fa, obtain FaCompare with one another in study, in cultivationExamine how each and every thing measures up—Achieving these is cultivation”
Through this experience sharing, I have revealed many hidden human notions that had remained undetected and ignored. Although my heart to cultivate has never changed, I did not cultivate diligently. Practicing is not cultivating if xinxing is not raised.
Solid cultivation means cultivating oneself to one’s innermost being. I will cherish every opportunity to improve. Only when I have done my best in every way can I deservedly say so to Master.
(Presented at the 2017 Japan Fa Conference)