(Minghui.org) Over the course of my cultivation, I have realized that only when I look within and improve my xinxing, am I able to make progress. And when I cultivate myself well, my truth-clarification is more effective and I am able to persuade more people to quit the Chinese Communist Party.
“When you meet with a conflict, it doesn’t matter whether you are in the right. You should be asking yourself, “What on my part isn’t right in this situation? Might it really be that there is something wrong on my part?” You should all be thinking this way, with your first thought being to scrutinize yourself to try to find the problem. Whoever is not like this is not in fact a true cultivator of Dafa. It is a magical tool in our cultivation. This is a distinguishing feature of our Dafa disciples’ cultivation. Whatever it is that you encounter, the first thought should be to scrutinize yourself, and it’s called “looking within.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple,” Teaching the Fa at the Conference XI)
I often fought with my husband after I found out he'd had an affair with another woman. We lived in the same building as my mother. Every time we had a fight, my mother became very worried for me. But no matter how hard we fought, she opposed us getting a divorce because she didn't want our son to be brought up in a single-parent family.
My mother had heart problems. I didn't want her to have a heart attack because of us, so I gave in and tried to live with my husband.
"The first thing I'll do after my mother passes away is to divorce him," I thought to myself.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996, I understood that it's no coincidence that my marriage wasn't working out. I realized that all the suffering was from my own karma. From the perspective of a cultivator, I was repaying my debt and eliminating my karma. I gave up the thought of divorce. But when I saw my husband return home late at night, I still got angry at him.
For many years, I wasn't able to let go of my hatred and resentment toward my husband.
One day, a practitioner shared with me an article by another practitioner whose husband also had an affair. Instead of bearing hatred for that woman, she clarified the facts about Falun Gong to her and persuaded her to withdraw from the Communist regime. I was deeply touched and admired her compassion and broad heart. I was also grateful to Master for arranging for a fellow practitioner to share the article with me and help me improve in cultivation.
While reading the Fa, Master also revealed the following principle to me.
“In cultivation practice, there may be two scenarios when dealing with specific conflicts or when others treat you badly. One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life. You feel in your heart that it is unfair, "How can this person treat me like this?" Then why did you treat this person that way in the past? You might claim that you actually did not know it at that time, and this life has nothing to do with the other life. That does not work. There is another issue. In conflicts, the issue of transforming karma is involved. Therefore, in dealing with specific conflicts we should be forgiving instead of acting like ordinary people.” (Zhuan Falun)
I was very inspired. I am a cultivator and I should look within at my own problems. I know that I must have done something really bad to my husband in a past life and now I must repay the debt.
Meanwhile, I must rise above the emotional ties between a man and woman and treat him with real compassion.
After I'd gained a deeper understanding on the issue, I changed my attitude toward my husband. I no longer complained about him, but really treated him nicely. When he was sick, I took good care of him and cooked for him. I also explained to him the facts about Falun Gong with compassion. Seeing my changes, my husband also changed. He became supportive of my practicing Falun Gong and quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
My employer suddenly asked me to pay the CCP membership fee last year. I quit the Party many years ago, so why were they asking me to pay the membership fee now? I knew I must have some shortcomings in my cultivation that caused this to happen.
While I was sending righteous thoughts about this matter every day, I realized that my motive was to protect myself, instead of helping to save people.
I also noticed that I'd become overly cautious in my day-to-day truth-clarification and didn't want to take on major responsibilities as I feared the persecution.
After I realized my problems, I knelt down in front of Master's photo and asked for his forgiveness and help.
Two mornings later, I had a dream: I was in front of a locked gate. I had a key in my hand. Using the key, I opened the door and went through. I realized that Master was giving me a hint that I'd already passed the test. My employer never again asked me to pay the CCP membership fee after that.