(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa when I was young, with my parents and grandmother, and I’m now 24 years old. Because I read the Dafa books with a mentality of “doing research,” I did not thoroughly understand the Fa principles, and was not truly cultivating.
My grandmother died of sickness karma after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the persecution of Falun Dafa in 1999. Our home was ransacked, my mother was arrested, and she later managed to escape. After some tortuous events during the persecution, I became antisocial and quiet.
I was a loner in high school and did not participate in any student group activities. Instead, I wrote fantasy novels to avoid feeling lonely and depressed. After graduating from high school, I moved overseas for college.
After being alone for so long, I was afraid of human contact. I was busy with school studies and did not seek out other practitioners in my area. I did not socialize with my classmates and continued living a secluded life, writing martial arts novels as a pastime.
I became obsessed with Western philosophy during my sophomore year, which resulted in chaotic thinking and moodiness.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my junior year. I was physically very weak, had difficulty going up and down stairs, and needed to rest after walking a short distance.
Last October I resumed practicing Falun Dafa, and I distinctly noticed that a substance disappeared from my mind within three days. I walked effortlessly from school to home, and I felt free of my prior illnesses. I finally learned what cultivation is, and I gained a new understanding about Dafa.
During the past six months of practice, I realized that I previously had many misunderstandings about Dafa. When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, her symptoms and quick passing were just like a non-practitioner dying from cancer. Thus I had doubts about Dafa.
“There is a criterion, however, that the life prolonged beyond your predestined time to live is completely reserved for your practice. If your mind goes wrong a little bit, your life will be in danger because your lifetime should have long been over. You will have such a restriction until you reach Beyond-Triple-World-Fa cultivation. After that, one will be in another state.” (Zhuan Falun)
When I read the above passage in 2016, I recalled listening to Master's lectures with my grandmother when I was in junior high school. Although she clarified the truth, she did not truly cultivate, but instead lived the lifestyle of a non-practitioner.
My cultivation state was up and down until early this year. I took medication at first. When I understood this was part of the process of eliminating attachments, my cultivation state improved.
I have long been attached to logical proof in my thinking. It has been deeply rooted in my mind, and sometimes I could not help but pick up books on philosophy or talk with others about western philosophers' ideologies. I was reluctant to throw away my stacks of philosophy books at home. Eliminating human attachments was so difficult.
Writing is also another attachment that I have. It is a method of self-expression, and I have always been interested in it since I was young. I participated in writing competitions, and some of my essays were chosen as “model essays.” I also received high scores on them in school tests.
I wrote novels as I got older, and I did not want to waste my talent. Although I wrote about social issues and people's welfare, deep down I wanted to promote my ideas and influence others. Subconsciously, I wanted to publish articles and books, make a fortune, and become famous. I wanted to make an impact in society and gain social status.
“Let’s think about it. If a person can’t pass the trial of life and death, he cannot achieve Consummation. But it’s not that you will definitely have to go through exactly something like that for it to count as laying down your life; that’s only the form of it. I don’t deem that important. What I look at is whether or not your mind can truly do that. Think about it, everyone: Human beings live in this world for nothing but renown and self-interest. If he were to receive his Ph.D. degree, he would have a good job and future ahead of him. And naturally, his salary would be high—that goes without saying. It would be higher than that of regular people or an average person. Don’t people just live for those things? He could even let go of those things. So think about it: He dared to forgo even that. He was able to let go of those things as a young person, so wasn’t it that he could give up anything? Wasn’t it that he dared to lay down his life? Don’t people just live for those things?” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland)
I had a dream after enlightening to the above passage. I was living on the top floor of a tall building. I opened the skylight and extended a rope to the outside. I followed the rope out and jumped out of the building with ease.
I enjoyed discussions with online friends in the past, but I was competitive and liked to show off. I got upset when someone did not reply or replied late. I liked some of these friends and grew dependent on them. I realized that was an attachment to sentimentality. A cultivator should not depend on or have expectations of non-practitioners.
“Let me tell you that they are only practicing qigong while you are practicing cultivation in Dafa. After attending this class, you will leave them far behind in terms of levels. This Falun is formed through many generations’ cultivation practice and has mighty powers. Certainly, when you make contact with them, if you can manage not to receive or take anything from them and just be a normal friend, it will not matter much. If those people really carry something, however, it will be very bad, and it is better not to make any contact with them.” (Zhuan Falun)
I also realized that I was a jealous person. I did not like to share with others, and would sulk and brood over things. I was afraid of being taken advantage of. I helped others with a purpose, and expected quick payback. I generally did not volunteer for things that did not benefit me.
I used to volunteer at a recycling station. My main purpose was to find used books. As a volunteer I could take them for free.
I majored in electrical engineering in college. A senior schoolmate offered me a volunteer job at the company he works for. It was a rare opportunity to gain experience soldering circuit boards.
Two months later, a classmate found out about it and wanted to do the same. I agreed to introduce him to the senior schoolmate. My classmate then had the opportunity to do the same volunteer work at the company. However, this bothered me, and I kept thinking about it. As a result, I made a mistake and soldered the wrong pieces together.
I remembered Master's words,
“In providing salvation to humankind, the Buddha School does not attach any condition or seek returns, and it will help unconditionally. Accordingly, we can do many things for practitioners.” (Zhuan Falun)
The opportunity originally was not mine. Why did it bother me so much to give others the opportunity? I then found other interesting things to learn.
“If a human being is to understand the mysteries of the universe, space-time, and the human body, he must take up cultivation of a true Way and achieve true enlightenment, raising his plane of being. Through cultivation his moral character will elevate, and once he has learned to discern what is truly good from evil, and virtue from vice, and he goes beyond the human plane, he will see and gain access to the realities of the universe as well as the lives of other planes and dimensions.” (“On Dafa” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
In the past I pursued knowledge to gain wisdom. After I became a practitioner, I realized that wisdom cannot be pursued or gained with logical thinking. Only Dafa can harmonize everything.
I am grateful for Master's salvation! I will be diligent in my cultivation.
“Cultivate Dafa with all your heart,Nothing could be more important.Become one with Dafa,And Consummation is, in time, certain.”(“Gaining the Fa” from Hong Yin)