(Minghui.org) It all started when a fellow practitioner told me that I was not kind with my words when I talked to others. I realized that as well, particularly when there was a disagreement.
It bothered me when my words turned into sarcasm, ridicule, and mockery. I looked outward, became furious, developed resentment and complaints.
I tried to look for my attachments: competitiveness, jealousy, the pursuit of fame. I tried my best to get rid of and resist these attachments, but the results were not ideal. After one year, I still couldn't find my fundamental attachment; my self-control was limited and passive.
Master's Fa teaching suddenly revealed to me while I was walking the other day:
“There once was a person who became an Arhat after much effort in cultivation. As he was just about to attain Righteous Fruition in cultivation and become an Arhat, how could he not be happy? He was going to transcend the Three Realms! Yet this excitement is an attachment, an attachment of elation. An Arhat should be free of attachments, with a heart that cannot be affected. But he failed, and his cultivation ended up in vain.” Zhuan Falun http://en.falundafa.org/eng/pdf/ZFL2014.pdf
I stopped in my tracks: the attachment of elation was that serious – something that I had overlooked. It was something that could keep a cultivator from consummation.
My unkindness towards others was based on the idea that I felt like I cultivated better than others. Elation made me believe that I had cultivated well – how shocking! But this attachment didn't materialize overnight. Looking back at my cultivation path, my attachment to elation was formed out of praise from myself and others.
First, I contributed to the problem by getting really excited when I'd do something right. Whenever my article was published on the Minghui website, whenever I developed some kind of supernormal ability, or whenever I did better than others, I always got really worked up. I had a voice inside hyping me up: Way to go!
People tend to get alarmed when they encounter tribulations, but are lax when they're happy. I used to think that I could handle my excitement, but I was proven wrong. Gradually I began deviating without even being aware of it. Slowly, it would always appear to me as if my understanding was the only one that was right; when others clashed with me, I began to resent them.
I also fell victim to praise by others. Whenever I talked about what I saw in other dimensions, fellow practitioners were all very interested in listening. The attention they gave me lifted me up further. I began adding my own understandings to my descriptions, and when others accepted my ideas, I was very happy. I became even more enthusiastic about helping others and stronger in my own understandings. Without noticing it, my elation had placed me above fellow practitioners, when in actuality, I had already dropped down.
Master told us:
“ You're each a particle. And in my eyes nobody is better than anyone else, since I scooped all of you up at the same time. (Applause) Some are more capable when it comes to one thing, others with another--you definitely shouldn't let your thoughts run wild based on that. You say that you have such great abilities and so on and so forth, but that was all bestowed upon you by the Fa! Actually, it wouldn't work if you failed to attain that level of abilities. Fa-rectification required your wisdom to reach that point, so you definitely shouldn't think that you're so capable.” (Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference )http://en.minghui.org/html/articles/2003/3/21/33575.html
Master taught us this Fa long time ago, but I was lost. I am only a tiny particle of Dafa – my entire life is granted by Dafa, so how could I claim credit for myself? What a selfish and filthy thinking! How could I assimilate to the new cosmos, the selfless realm, with these selfish thoughts?
When was I attached to myself, I looked down upon others, and was not able to look for the goodness in others. Elation was my fundamental source of unkindness. After noticing this, I was able to weaken the attachment. Now I look for the good points, merits, and virtue in each fellow practitioner.
I now see more clearly the direction of my future cultivation, and often feel a warm current of peace and calm pass through me. I believe that this is what kindness feels like.