(Minghui.org) Cultivators understand the importance of Fa study, paying attention to sending forth righteous thoughts, and looking within. By doing so, we are able to cultivate diligently when facing tribulations such as severe sickness karma or persecution.
There have been times after I passed difficulties, that I let out a sigh of relief. The attachments to leisure and comfort would then set in, and I gradually slacked off. This led to tribulations, one after another, as if I were being compelled to cultivate.
When I did not maintain a diligent cultivation state, I encountered a great deal of tribulations, sickness symptoms, and persecution. It seemed that the attachment to lust was the main culprit.
When I searched deeper, I found even more problems. I was strongly attached to self, jealousy, and the pursuit of comfort and leisure. I wanted others' approval, went after personal gain, and more.
For a time I would do better, and then another wave of tribulations would come. I felt puzzled, troubled, and hopeless. I thought that I had cultivated those attachments away. Why was I encountering these issues again and again?
Even though I kept making mistakes, Master never gave up on me. One day when I was reading the Fa, I clicked on the link for one scripture but instead opened another, “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa.” I thought that was interesting, and might not have been by chance. I read it attentively.
Master told me:
“When something upsetting happens, something that angers you occurs, or there is personal gain at stake, or your ego suffers a blow, are you able to look inward and cultivate yourself, searching for your own shortcoming, and even when you find yourself in such a situation and you’re not at fault, are you able to have an attitude of, 'Oh, I understand—I must not have done well in some regard. Or if I really didn’t do something wrong, perhaps it’s that I’m paying off karma that I owe. I’m going to handle it well and pay off what I should.'” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)
This part of the lecture reached deep down inside me. I reviewed this part from memory over and over again. Then, one day I felt that the obstruction that was preventing me from being diligent was removed.
I had not done well in the past because I was not aware of the relationship between things that upset me, and past debts and karma. Whenever it was time to eliminate karma, I got upset and blamed everything and everyone, and pushed the opportunity away.
My heart settled down, and it became easier for me to rationally handle sudden and unexpected conflicts. Whether it was at work or at home, previously, if others said something harsh or unfair, I would have felt upset and wronged.
I now understood that I was paying off a debt, and remained calm. I looked within and searched for the part that I was not doing well. That experience was amazing. I could feel myself improving, both physically and mentally.
I gradually discovered that my attachment to lust, which had tormented me for years, had diminished, and I easily removed it. If I cultivate solidly within the Fa, I can clearly distinguish in my thoughts what is righteous versus from what is not righteous, and what is good from what is bad. I feel more confident and at ease.
The attachment to lust comes from sentimentality. I have found that when it is difficult to cultivate away the attachment to lust, one must treat oneself as a cultivator.
During the Fa rectification period, the old forces have manipulated the emotional attachments of practitioners, and magnified them to interfere with us. Falling short in cultivation is the root of our tribulations, while the attachments are only the branches.
I realized upon looking back, that my problem was not paying attention to my own thoughts. Whenever I encountered upsetting things, particularly at home or in a relaxed environment, I forgot that I was a cultivator, and did or said things that were not befitting of a cultivator. The old forces never take a break. They seize upon every loophole.
The tribulations accumulated, became enormous, and almost crushed me. Only then did I realize that I had to be diligent to survive. It was actually a kind of conditioned response, and I wasted much time in this detour.
Thanks to Master's saving grace, I am still here. Otherwise, I would have been long gone. I realized that I could no longer fritter away my time until a big tribulation or serious symptom of sickness came before beginning to cultivate diligently.
Elevation and improvement happen not only when one faces something major. They happen in daily life and work, and during Fa rectification.
Identifying the thoughts of resentment, jealousy, lust, and fear, and eliminating them is a daily battle for me. I can do it in the short run, but true cultivation is for the long term. Being able to do it in a steadfast fashion requires vigilance.
I regret that it took me many life and death tests to become aware of the essence of cultivation. When I viewed things as “small matters,” I indulged my human heart and missed many opportunities to improve. That’s when karma accumulated and became insurmountable.
I learned that on the path of cultivation, I have to pay for the debts that I owe and the karma I generate along the way. I would not be able to make it if I continued to cultivate in the old way.
Master has eliminated a huge portion for me. I just need to remember that I am a cultivator. I must measure up to the Fa’s requirements.
I understand that we are on the last leg of our journey for the Fa rectification. We really have to hurry up to eliminate our shortcomings. There are elements to help us improve in every day, every minute, and every second. Let's not miss out.
When thoughts surface that are strange, not right, or even filthy, we should not indulge them. I noticed that those thoughts often surfaced in the past when I thought I was doing well, or had the thoughts, “I am really something,” or “Look at how much I have accomplished.” They blocked me from truly assimilating to the Fa, and prevented me from diligently cultivating.
I have no excuse to relax or slack off. I have often made the same mistake that other practitioners have: Equating what we have done with how diligently we have cultivated.
Master requires us to do the three things, and there are no shortcuts. Only with a humble heart can one maintain a state of diligence.