(Minghui.org) I recently went through a bout of sickness karma. It started with a sudden fear that something was wrong with my heart. I had just finished reading the line:

“As a practitioner, if you always think that it is an illness, you are actually asking for it.” (Zhuan Falun Lecture Six)

Even though I had just read this passage, my righteous thoughts at the time were not strong enough to push it aside, and all kinds of human thoughts popped up. The left side of my chest started to hurt. I’d always had this fear in my heart, but it was strengthened when I heard of practitioners near me passing away due to sickness karma. I didn't keep the following words in mind:

“If you can manage to really do well in all three regards, nobody will dare to touch you.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)

After this sickness karma appeared, I started cultivating out of fear. I wasn't cultivating because I wanted to assist Master in rectifying the Fa, save sentient beings, and return home.

I also realized that I didn't want to let go of some attachments, such as lust and saving face, because I thought that letting go of them would make life seem boring. I realized that many veteran practitioners have let go of these things and are focusing solely on saving sentient beings. Master said:

“But I'll tell you that gods aren't immobile like statues, as humans imagine them to be. Humans don't know it, but Heaven is in fact extremely wonderful. They know better than humans how to enjoy themselves, but things there are noble, benevolent, and extremely wonderful.” (“Fa Teaching at the 1996 Houston”)

I was thinking about gods from the point of view of my human notions.

Seeing my strong attachment to saving face in that I didn't like people seeing me doing the exercises alone, I decided to start doing the exercises in a public space. Every time I went out to do the exercises, I would think about letting go of my fear of what other people thought of me, casting off my filthy human attachments, and how I must do well at this critical last moment. I felt better after I did this for a while. As my condition improved, I let go of my fear, because I saw that I could make it through as long as I let go of my attachments and cultivated diligently.

The most extreme point of my sickness karma was one night when I woke up with a burning pain inside my chest. I kept telling myself to not lose faith in Master and remembered: “When you feel very uncomfortable, it indicates that things will turn around after reaching the extreme point.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Two)

I also realized that you cannot go to extremes. My understanding is that nothing will seem supernatural. A broken leg won't necessarily heal in an instant because you improved and sent forth righteous thoughts. It has to conform to human society. Whatever the condition, it will seem like it is caused by external factors, but is actually the result of a xinxing problem.