(Minghui.org) When I used to examine my cultivation state, I felt that I had not made real improvements. This worried me, especially since I still had many attachments that I needed to let go of.
I have validated the Fa using different ways, but mainly from a technical standpoint. However, I could not rid myself of the feeling that my state was not good. Master's Fa helped me find my shortcoming.
“When a person has cultivated well you can only see, looking at the surface, that the person is quite diligent. Being diligent means that he is able to watch his words and actions closely every moment, pay close attention to his thoughts, and is able to be strict with himself, and is usually able to conduct himself strictly. That describes someone who is diligent in cultivation.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference VII)
In the past, I only looked at a practitioner superficially to determine whether he or she was diligent in their cultivation. I looked at how well that person could recite the Fa, how many lectures he or she studied daily, and how much he or she did to validate the Fa. I also looked at whether an incarcerated practitioner was able to walk out of prison with righteous thoughts and who had a clear understanding of the Fa principles.
Of course, the above can indeed show if he or she had cultivated well. However, that particular practitioner may not have paid attention to his or her every word and deed, and just held the mentality of doing things. This person did not look inward when encountering problems.
I then paid attention to everything I said and did, and how I reacted under certain circumstances. This helped me discover my attachments.
A fellow practitioner asked me: “What internet system should I install? A practitioner told me that reading articles on the Minghui website could help a practitioner improve quickly. I will ask her which internet to install.” I asked her which cable company she uses, but she didn't know. I said, “How could she tell you this, if you did not know this? You should first find out.”
My answer was on the mark, but it hid my jealousy and looking down on someone, attachments that are difficult to perceive. When I recognized these attachments, I immediately eliminated them. Then, I felt at peace.
Then, practitioner Jia told me that Yi advised him to be weary of me. I felt uneasy, but reminded myself to look within. When I met Yi, she mentioned that I had some issues. However, she appeared to have told the other practitioner something different.
I had the notion that she was an instigator, but immediately realized that these thoughts developed from my attachment to fame and resentment. I understood that my fellow practitioner was helping me improve. Yet, I still felt uncomfortable.
Therefore, I repeatedly read Zhuan Falun, especially the section about “Jealousy; Your Main Consciousness Should Dominate; and Your Mind Must Be Righteous.” After some time I felt better and improved after studying the Fa.
Every time when I read about fellow practitioners’ experiences while performing technical work, I thought that it was such a trivial thing. Now, I know that I only focused on solving technical problems and didn’t really cultivate. I did not look within to resolve my problems and then let go of attachments.
I am finally able to find my attachments when encountering problems and I do not immediately argue with people. I can control myself and do not blame others in times of conflict.
I found my fundamental attachment. In my opinion, my ideas and habits were good, while other people thought that I was stubborn and selfish. I put too much emphasis on human notions and ignored the power of the Fa, and subconsciously tried to validate myself.
When I encountered difficulties, I tried to solve them with a human mentality and did not look at the problem based on the Fa, or did not ask Master for help. This was a serious issue, because it meant that I did not truly believe in Master and the Fa. When I used to encounter conflicts, my first thought was to point at other people instead of looking within. I even felt hurt and sad.
Master helped me discover my issues and make great strides on my cultivation path.