Esteemed Master and fellow practitioners,
This year I have allocated more of my time to the Shen Yun promotional activities in my town. These activities were instrumental in raising my xinxing.
As I remember, practitioners from a specific European country were very successful in promoting Shen Yun. Every performance played to a full house. Every time anyone mentioned this I thought, “They did very well, we should learn from them.”
I did not feel jealous, or so I thought until a few days ago when another practitioner told me, “The practitioners in that city were counting on having Shen Yun in 2016. But they were not able to resolve many conflicts, which put their Shen Yun promotional activities on hold.”
My first thought was, “Aha, they also have conflicts and don't always do well.” Somehow I felt that I had found an excuse that would make us look better: “We did not do too well in our city, but at least we secured a theater where the Shen Yun performance could be held.”
However, as soon as this thought emerged, I knew that I should not hold such a thought. I then asked myself, “Where did this spiteful thought come from?” And I realized that I looked for excuses for not having done well promoting Shen Yun in our city.
These thoughts about being in the wrong appeared on and off for two days. Next, another thought crossed my mind: “What would a Buddha say after finding out that practitioners in a certain city were unable to arrange a Shen Yun performance? This Buddha would certainly feel sorry for the practitioners and sentient beings in that city. He would hope that these practitioners would improve over time.”
While my first thought was to concentrate on the failing of these practitioners and to compare them with us, this latest thought warned me that I held a fighting spirit, a sentiment that arises from jealousy.
Alas, this jealousy tried to hide itself and displayed itself only in hidden form. When these practitioners were successful, I said, “That's nothing out of the ordinary.” Then, when they did not do well, I thought, “They are not that great either.”
“It is because jealousy is displayed very strongly in China. It is so strong that it has become natural and one does not even feel it.” (Zhuan Falun)
Master's Fa was instrumental in rooting out my jealousy. Thank you, Master, for giving me a second chance.
Master requires that practitioners do well with everything they are tasked with to validate Dafa and save more sentient beings. I hope that I will succeed. However, I realized that my compassion for all sentient beings was not completely earnest. There was quite a bit of egotism mixed into the equation.
A fellow practitioner and I shared experiences a few days ago. I told her that I spent most of my time with the Shen Yun promotion since last September and had less time for a media project. Then I shared that I did not do well with either one and was torn one day this way and the next day the other way. I truly felt bad about these uncertain feelings.
This practitioner was not sidetracked by details. She did not discuss with me how to plan my time more effectively. Instead, she suggested that if I would have let go of all my attachments, and my thoughts were totally on the Fa, I would not feel bad, no matter what project I worked on. This opened my eyes, and I felt it was highly important. But what were my xinxing shortfalls?
I looked within and asked myself if my thoughts about doing everything well were totally on the mark and based on selflessness. I suddenly realized that I enjoyed being praised when I had done well. Just because I have the attachment of wanting to be complimented, I demanded too much of myself. However, when I cannot satisfy the requirements, I feel frustrated and want to do better. Yet, when I have not let go of the attachment, Master does not give me wisdom.
Wanting to do everything well has to be for all lives. During this process, any egotistic attitude must go. After I understood this Fa truth, my heart felt much lighter.
Thank you, Master, for giving me one chance after another, so I can cultivate and return to my origin. I also thank my fellow practitioners for their help.
(Presented at the 2016 Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference in Germany)
Translated from http://de.minghui.org/html/articles/2016/1/17/118725.html