(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Gong for 18 years. During the Fa-rectification, I have firmly walked down my path under Master's protection, though sometimes running into bumps and detours. Here I would like to share some of my experiences of looking within with the guidance of the Fa. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
My mother-in-law lives with my family. She developed thrombosis in 2011 while I was held in a forced labor camp for five years starting in 2008. She became incontinent and was unable to take care of herself. After I was released in 2013, I took over the responsibility of taking care of her.
I got up at 3:40 a.m. every day and began my day with group exercise and sending forth righteous thoughts. Then, I studied a chapter of Zhuan Falun. After that, I cooked, did housework, and took care of my mother-in-law. I tried to find time to read Master's articles, send more righteous thoughts, and read Minghui Weekly magazines. After doing so for a month, I told myself that I should go out to save sentient beings.
However, I also thought that I should not go out while ignoring my mother-in-law. A true practitioner would not do that. But how could I fulfill my mission of saving people without leaving home? With these thoughts in mind, I became anxious and could not do the housework calmly. I even blamed my mother-in-law for holding me back.
I realized that these thoughts were wrong and that I was looking externally instead of looking within. I found that I had the attachments of anxiety and resentment. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them and asked for Master's help to remove them. It worked for some moments, but these thoughts kept coming back.
One day, I shared my situation with another practitioner. I told her that I had lost five years of precious time and that I wanted to catch up with the Fa-rectification process. But I really did not know what to do. The practitioner recommended that I join a cell phone project. Our local practitioners had worked on this project for two years and achieved good results.This was something I could do at home. I was really thankful for Master's arrangement.
The practitioner brought me a cell phone the next day. Since then, I have made phone calls every night after 6 p.m. My mind became calm again while I did chores.
My mother-in-law's health improved, as well, and she regained control of her bodily functions. Now I walk with her for an hour and a half each day and have opportunities to talk to people and make phone calls, too. I am doing a better job on how to tell people about Falun Gong and the persecution. I am able to do it thoroughly and truly save people.
One time during a truth-clarification phone call, the person at the other end said, “You don't need to tell me how bad the Chinese Communist Party is since I know that already. Tell me about Falun Gong.” I told him what Falun Gong is. But he said, “I did not ask about this. It seems you don't really know about it.” I said, “Sorry, I did not study the Fa well. I will do better. Thank you for reminding me.”
I continued to make more phone calls. However, I was asked the same question in another phone call thirty minutes later. This alerted me.
I turned off the cell phone and began to look within. What is it about me that is not in line with the Fa? I remembered what had happened recently. A practitioner talked with me about some practitioners showing signs of severe sickness karma, and some of them even passed away. I believed that these practitioners did not clearly understand the Fa, and the old forces used their loopholes to persecute them. Both of us decided to talk to these practitioners so that they would improve on their understanding of the Fa.
I now realize that I was the one who did not understand the Fa clearly. I looked outward, not inward. I tried to help others to cultivate. I went to talk to these practitioners twice but did not know my own problems. Master used non-practitioners' words to remind me. I realized that even though I studied the Fa, I did not really obtain it. I was shocked.
Only when we study the Fa well, can we walk our paths righteously. I used to study the Fa by myself at home. From that day on, I joined the group Fa study to read Zhuan Falun. I study Master's other lectures and articles at home. I began to gain new understandings of the Fa.
I have always walked lightly during my fifteen years of cultivation. One day, my legs suddenly ached badly. I couldn't squat or sit in the lotus position. I even limped. I began to look within and found many attachments. I tried to eliminate them with righteous thoughts and asked Master to help me remove them. My legs did not show any sign of recovery, but instead got worse. This situation lasted for two months.
While studying the Fa, I read the following passage:
“Of course, we don't acknowledge any of the things that the old forces arranged--I as your master don't acknowledge them, and Dafa disciples of course don't acknowledge them either. (Applause) But after all, they did do what they wanted to do, so there's all the more reason for Dafa disciples to do even better and cultivate themselves well in the course of saving all beings. When you encounter ordeals during your cultivation, you have got to cultivate yourself and look at yourself--that doesn't mean acknowledging the ordeals arranged by the old forces and trying to do well amidst the ordeals they've arranged, that's not the case. We negate even the very emergence of the old forces and everything that they've arranged; we don't even acknowledge their existence. We're fundamentally negating all of their things, and all of, and only, the things you do while negating and getting rid of them is mighty-virtue. It's not that you're cultivating amidst the ordeals they created. Rather, you are to walk your own path well while not acknowledging them, not even acknowledging the elimination of their ordeals' manifestations.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference” in Teaching the Fa at the Conference IV)
I re-read this passage a few times. While looking within because of my leg pain, I found my attachments and did better. Was this acknowledging the old forces' arrangements? We cannot overcome our tribulation when we look within during the arranged tribulation. Master tells us to cultivate during the Fa-rectification and save sentient beings. After I improved the foundation of my cultivation, my leg pain disappeared. The Fa is magnificent. When one's mind is elevated, tribulations pass by right away, and nothing can stop it.
I used to participate in only the cell phone project. After the wave of lawsuits against the former Chinese dictator Jiang Zemin began, I realized that we should spread the word about the movement to everyone. So, I also participated in other projects, including putting up posters, mailing letters, and distributing flyers. I also helped practitioners write up their lawsuits, which they then mailed out.
We should all follow Master's Fa-rectification process and do things to help Master and save sentient beings. I felt really happy to be a part of Dafa cultivation and thank Master for his compassion and salvation.