(Minghui.org) Although I am 60 years old, I had a strong addiction to the Internet. Living alone, I used to spend at least four or five hours surfing the Internet, and sometimes even up to 16 hours. I read everything on the web, which used up my time for reading the Fa and doing the exercises. Sometimes I could make up my Fa-study time, but sometimes I could not.
I knew that it was wrong. But I could not control myself. Instead I was controlled by the addiction. I had to get online everyday. I tried to limit my Internet time to 30 minutes each day. But I was never able to get off within four or five hours. I blamed myself in front of Master's portrait (the founder of Falun Dafa). I told Master that I would reduce the time I spent on the Internet, but I never dared to promise him that I would completely quit browsing the Internet. I knew that I didn't have the courage to make such a promise. Knowing this pained me.
I helped my sister with her business on the morning of January 16, 2015. It was 6:00 pm when I got home. The first thing I did was turn on my computer, and opened the online novel that I had been reading the previous day. I used a TV as a monitor. The TV was too far from the couch and I could not read the words. So I sat on a small stool in front of the TV.
I sat there for 12 hours until 6:00 am. I did not move around the entire time, except for sending forth righteous thoughts twice. I didn't feel tired or sleepy. At 7:00 am, I went to bed. I cried in bed: “Master, please help me. I don't want to get trapped in this.”
At 9:00 am a phone call from my sister woke me. She said that she was exhausted from what we did yesterday, and felt pain all over her body. She said she was jealous that I didn't feel any discomfort.
Her words were like a wake-up call. “Master, I am so sorry,” I thought. “You have given me such good health, but I don't cherish it. Instead, I've wasted it on this nonsense. It is so wrong.”
I recalled Master's teaching about being lonely. I realized that feeling lonely is also a demon—how can a Dafa disciple be controlled by loneliness? How can a disciple feel lonely if they are filled with the Fa? I realized that I didn't study the Fa well and my cultivation was not solid. I didn't take my responsibility of going out to help people understand Falun Dafa and awakening them seriously and was trapped in feeling lonely.
I asked Master to help me get rid of my Internet addiction and to help me get out of the loneliness trap. I also talked to another practitioner. He said, “How can you pour that dirty stuff into your mind and body every day?” He was right. Master has purified my body, I should not betray his salvation. So I made up my mind to quit browsing the Internet.
The morning of January 18, I wanted to get on the Internet again. I found all kinds of excuses, but I controlled myself. I recited Master's poem (“Solid Cultivation” from Hong Yin):
“Study the Fa and gain the Fa, Focus on how you study and cultivate, Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa. Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation.”
I encouraged myself to hold up for at least one day. I studied the Fa, did the exercises and sent forth righteous thoughts for a day. The next day everything had changed. I had lost the desire to get on the Internet.
I thank my Master. I feel real freedom these days. My anxiety and my worries are gone. I have more time to study the Fa and go out to help people awaken to the truth of Falun Dafa. My thoughts are more pure.
My sight has even improved. On January 22 I found that I didn't need reading glasses to read Zhuan Falun. I also didn't need them when I was writing this article, which was impossible before.
Of course I am not saying that I will never get on the Internet again. The Internet is still necessary for normal work and truth-clarification. I am saying that I will not get on the Internet just to kill time and drive away feeling lonely. I am able to control the demon, and it is up to me whether I should get on the Internet or not.
I know that some practitioners have also been bothered by feeling lonely. Let's break through it. As long as we have a strong mind, what kind of demon can control us? After all we have Master and the Fa guiding us.
Please correct me with compassion if there is something wrong with my understanding.