(Minghui.org) Greetings, venerable Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
“Master, I truly want to be your real disciple!” I repeat this phrase in my mind whenever I encounter difficult tribulations or make a mistake. I can feel Master’s compassion strengthening me and my sadness melts away. I then become calm again.
I am always moved to tears as I thank Master for pulling me through another trap. This year I have gradually stepped onto the path of truly cultivating myself. Dafa’s compassion and wisdom have helped me break through my stubborn selfishness, one layer after another.
It is very hard, but I also feel the goodness and wonderfulness of Dafa. Changing myself completely and letting the attachment to myself go and believing in Master and the Fa is my biggest improvement during this past year.
I am a younger disciple who began to practice Falun Dafa in 2010. My cultivation path has not been smooth; sometimes I have done well and sometimes not. Often, I have lacked willpower. When I ignored many attachments and let them grow, this brought me many tribulations. I even slid backward in my cultivation at the end of 2014.
For example, when I sent righteous thoughts my hands would drop. I felt sleepy when I did the sitting meditation. I could not calm my mind to study the teachings, and I started conflicts with non-practitioners. I kept having the same dream in which I would take an elevator that it would stop halfway up and start shaking.
I knew this was not right and I was worried. I tried very hard to cultivate. I needed to work every day but I still got up before 3:40 a.m. to memorize the Fa. I also listened to the teachings while I was walking, and I studied the Fa in the evenings, too. I used all of my spare time to cultivate and gave up my involvement in everyday people’s things. I printed out Dafa materials and handed them out to people. I told everyone I knew about Falun Dafa and the persecution.
I tried my best to be diligent, but why was I in this situation? The people around me said I looked very nervous: I always frowned and it seemed like I had a lot of mental burdens. When I heard this, I felt uneasy. I thought, “How could you know that it is so hard to be a Dafa disciple who shoulders such huge responsibilities? How can I take it easy when dealing with such huge things?”
My poor cultivation state continued until I had severe conflicts with non-practitioners, and then I had a realization.
One of my employees arrived 10 minutes to over half-an-hour late about half the time. He would also leave for at least an hour when he was supposed to be working. Therefore, he worked much less than he should have, and the quality of his work was poor. He was always late in completing assignments and also copied what others did.
His laziness and selfishness went on for about the same time as my bad cultivation state lasted, which was about 4 or 5 months. I spoke to him kindly, trying to stimulate his enthusiasm and improve his interest in the work. He improved for a few weeks and then reverted to his poor work habits. I had no choice but to finish his work to make sure that the quality was good. I hoped that he would gradually change and improve.
After one of our clients complained about him, our company management talked to me. Someone said I did not arrange enough work for my employees and that it was my fault they were lazy.
I felt so wronged! I worked so much that I had no time to eat lunch. I did everything for the sake of the employees and the company, but the result was that I was being criticized by everyone.
When I had a talk with the employee, he even lied to me. I was so upset that I yelled at him. I told him to seriously think about what he had done wrong. I was so mad that my face swelled up.
Later, I realized that I had done the wrong thing again, so I apologized to him. He said he knew that he needed to think seriously about his behavior at work and he also thanked me. I was shocked by the sudden change in his attitude. I suddenly understood that it was me who needed to think about what I had been doing wrong.
I looked within and found my co-worker’s state was a reflection of my cultivation state. I studied the Fa and did the exercises every day, but my thoughts were not in line with the Fa. I also thought about other things while I was reading the Fa.
I found that I wanted to use Dafa to protect me; to give me wisdom, high moral values, and a healthy body; to return me to heaven; and to allow me to achieve other goals. Yet I was not changing myself from my core. I did not know what I was doing. I practiced Falun Dafa but I was not truly cultivating.
I had done lots of things to validate the Fa and let people know about the persecution, but I did these things for myself while my motives was deeply hidden. Whenever I helped others, if they didn't thank me, I was not happy. This was actually my attachment to seeking fame. I was always strict with others and measured them with the Fa’s standards. I talked about their shortcomings. I thought I was helping them to improve their xinxing, but, in actuality, it was my own jealousy.
I used Dafa’s name to hide my own intentions. I separated cultivation from my everyday life due to my laziness and in an attempt to avoid trouble and interference. I did the activities that all Dafa disciples ought to do, but I did those things so that my own realm would elevate.
When I thought about all of my hidden attachments, they passed in front of my mind one-by-one, just like scenes in a movie. I had finally found the real, selfish me. I thought that I used to cultivate quite well, but now my confidence was gone.
With this realization, I suddenly woke up and felt the thick layers of selfishness and other materials that covered my mind and heart being removed. When I used the standards of Dafa to measure myself, I found I was still at the starting point in my cultivation. I had not changed myself fundamentally, from the depths of my being. My demon nature was not removed; instead it had grown larger and was hidden deeply inside me.
When the employee put in his request to quit, I was shocked and decided to really change myself. I needed to be diligent and eliminate my attachment to selfishness, save people, and become more sensitive to Master’s arrangements. I promised Master that I wanted to be a genuine disciple.
I had a long conversation with that employee and told him I respected his decision. I pointed out many of his good qualities and also mentioned some of his shortcomings. I hoped that he would have a good future. We had a pleasant conversation.
I told him why the CCP is persecuting Falun Dafa and gave him a Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party DVD. He accepted what I said, agreed to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), and took the DVD.
On his last day, I invited his co-workers to a farewell party for him. I gave him a Shen Yun DVD and he took it. He sent me a sincere message in the evening thanking me. I knew he was really giving thanks to Dafa for saving him. Master turned this bad thing into good thing with compassion.
Compassionate Master had long been waiting for me to wake up. After this incident I was deeply touched when I read the Minghui Weekly articles. I diligently studied the Fa and Master also hinted to me that I was attached to protecting myself, which resulted in my having a show-off mentality and jealousy.
My cultivation was elevated to another realm. I easily passed many tribulations and let go of myself. I finally recognized the wonders of true cultivation.
I came to realize that when one is truly cultivating, one is considerate of others and has compassion for all sentient beings.
I live in a city that is tightly controlled by the CCP. The non-practitioners are also tightly controlled and being prevented from learning the facts about the persecution. So, during my work-breaks, I hand out informational materials. But after doing this for a while, I began to go to the high-rise buildings to hand out materials.
I am the only practitioner in my area, and my only source of information is reading Minghui.org. Master gives me hints all the time. I have to firmly believe in Master and the Fa to make it through this tough environment. If my mind deviates even a bit, I have a hard time even taking tiny steps. I also feel Master around me when I have righteous thoughts. I am proud of being protected by Master while I hand out materials every day. It looks dangerous, but only Dafa disciples have the honor of doing this work. Such a thought always reduces my fears.
One day I was stuck in a dark stairway with Falun Dafa materials in my backpack. Standing there alone in the dark, I was fearful. Two choices faced me: One was to turn around and go back outside without handing out any materials; the other was to keep climbing up and do what I came to do.
I shut my eyes and silently asked Master, “Please get me out of here. You decide everything.” I walked up two or three flights of stairs by feeling my way along the walls. Each step I took was very solid, and I did not trip. When I was no longer afraid, I saw light. I knew Master looks after his disciples each step of our cultivation. What we need to do is just keep walking ahead.
I handed out each flyer with compassion and let go of myself. Master allowed me to feel the wonderfulness of cultivation.
Another time, I prepared over 20 Shen Yun DVDs and was ready to hand them out in a residential area on a particularly cold day. The area was quite far from my company.
I skipped lunch and sent righteous thoughts to clear the building—eliminating all evil that prevented sentient beings from being saved: "Let predestined people get the materials and have the ones who came to interfere stay away from me." With such thoughts, I headed out into the cold.
The building had about 19 floors. In order to avoid the elevator surveillance, I walked to the top floor and then walked down. I placed one or two DVDs on each floor. My whole body felt warm and I climbed the stairs easily. I just hoped people could see Shen Yun for the first time.
As I distributed the materials, I silently told the residents, “Be happy and safe!” If I heard someone, I did not leave; instead, I just handed them the materials. Because I sent righteous thoughts to let the predestined ones get the materials, they were waiting for me. I gave one to a family with a baby carriage outside, because I thought the child would like Shen Yun. That day went very well, and there was no interference. People were simply waiting for the truth.
When I came back to the dining room, the waiter greeted me warmly. My tears flowed: Such a lovely person does not know that calamity may soon be coming and many kind people have not yet been saved. I felt sad for them. They were waiting for today after reincarnating so many lifetimes, but some people may forever lose the chance to be saved.
Everything around me looked far away and people appeared tiny. I realized then that the person in line with Dafa and with compassion for others is the real me.
Practicing Falun Dafa gave me a smart, clear, and logical mind. Thus, I am the most capable person in my company and I always rank at the top. The things I have invented often become the best products. I am serene and maintain high morals, which helps me get along with my co-workers.
At the end of last year, one of my co-workers recommended I train employees to analyze the economic situation in China. I realized it was Master’s hint that I should use my economics degree to talk with people about Dafa.
But, my human notions surfaced. There were about 20 people in one department, and I did not have the confidence to publicly talk to them about the persecution. I worried that someone might complain to my boss, or that others may not accept the truth. If I did not handle the situation well, I might lose face and my reputation.
It felt like a stone was pressing on my heart and I could not breathe. I knew what I should do, but my human notions were blocking me.
Master told us,
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Master also said the following,
“So for the beings of the old cosmos, and this includes all the elements of beings, when it comes to the Fa-rectification and what I choose, all beings' harmonizing and completing things according to my choices and contributing their best ideas and approaches--not to change what I want, but to harmonize and complete things according to what I've said--is the best thought a being in the cosmos could have.” ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
I realized that I was using human notions to measure Master’s arrangements. I was thinking about myself instead of the people who are waiting for the truth. Such thoughts are the opposite of Master’s requirements. However, when I remembered what Master taught, my worries melted away and I decided to try my best to do well.
I planned to list the common economic problems facing China today, analyze them, and provide the reasons: The CCP has destroyed the Chinese belief system, morality, and culture for several decades. Then I would tell them the true reason Falun Dafa is being persecuted. I decided to give two training sessions, with the first one focusing on economic problems and the second one focusing on Falun Dafa and the persecution. I gave the first employee training session before the Chinese New Year.
My co-workers said the training was very well done. They were shocked but now knew why China was on a moral downslide. I was happy and thought the second training after Chinese New Year would be another big success.
But then my body went through karma elimination and I felt awful. I also had a lot of interference from my family. I did not improve my xinxing, and then I had no idea what to write for the second training script. I was mentally exhausted and could only write a few lines.
While I was studying the Fa, Master gave me a hint: use the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party to clarify the truth. In this way, I overcame my fear and used portions of the Nine Commentaries DVD for my training program.
The training was to be held in the afternoon. I spent that morning looking through all the materials and then sent righteous thoughts. Through my third eye, I saw brightness in another dimension. My body was warm, and I had neither thoughts nor human notions. I had never experienced such a wondrous state while sending righteous thoughts. I knew Master was strengthening me so I could do well.
During the training, I played portions of the Nine Commentaries and analyzed how the CCP ruined the economy, controlled people’s minds, and destroyed their beliefs—for example, by persecuting Falun Dafa.
I showed them many photos taken during the time Falun Dafa was spreading throughout China before 1999 as well as the positive media reports about it. I also showed photos and reports about how Falun Dafa spread around the world after the persecution began. I then analyzed the stage Tiananmen Square self-immolation in detail.
The trainees listened quietly, then they sighed and shook their heads when they watched the parts about the CCP’s cruelty. They were very curious about Dafa being spread throughout the world. They even laughed about the fabricated parts of the self-immolation case.
I compared the CCP with other vicious cults. One person agreed in a low voice. “It is a cult!”
I used our company’s communication software to ask the attendees if they wanted to terminate their memberships with the CCP.
One person said, “I've already read more than you said. We always look at overseas websites.”
“I knew some of this, but this training helped me understand more clearly,” another said. “The CCP is indeed a cult. I believe in Buddha and not the things taught by the CCP. I want to withdraw from it.”
One co-worker who I thought would be against me said, “I withdraw here and now. My grandfather was persecuted by the CCP and he firmly believed that Falun Dafa was good—he also knew that it would have its good reputation restored.”
I was shocked by these surprising answers, and my tears just kept flowing.
As a matter of fact, through this training, everyone working in my department chose to terminate their memberships with the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
Now I had new understanding about the greatest compassion. As a disciple, I need to do what Master needs and let go of myself, which can bring people the biggest rewards. It was also the greatest opportunity to raise my level. Yet, it was Master’s mighty virtue all along. Master has done so much to save people. Many people would not be saved if Dafa disciples used their human notions to judge Master’s arrangements.
Before, I was too far away from Dafa’s requirements. I had a strong attachment to self, my main consciousness was not strong, and I could not control myself. The attachments and thought karma tortured me a lot, so I wrote this article to expose them. As such, I tried to write this article with a pure heart in order to summarize my one-year journey and to set the starting point for my new path.
I want to be truly diligent, let go of my strong attachments to self, and truly change myself. I need to be worthy of Master’s saving me and worthy of those people who are anxiously hoping I will save them.
I deeply appreciate Master’s merciful salvation!