(Minghui.org) When I look back over the past 14 years, I really feel deeply ashamed. I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996, as an elementary student. I remember clearly practicing with other young practitioners. We took turns reading the book Zhuan Falun. Practice sites were everywhere. I was very proud of myself, and often said, “I can practice too. I am a young Dafa practitioner.”
However, I was deceived by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) lies and propaganda during the political and history classes in middle school. I was taught to believe that the CCP was always right no matter what it did, including having initiated the Cultural Revolution. No wrong could be found with the CCP's theory of violence and infighting. I accepted it all and never questioned anything I was told.
The CCP started persecuting Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999, and spread lies through the media in its effort to defame the practice. I became very scared when the staged “self-immolation” incident on Tiananmen Square was broadcast, and more and more practitioners were being arrested and persecuted. I lacked a strong will and was afraid of suffering. Moreover, I believed the CCP. So I just stopped practicing Falun Dafa.
After I went to college, I pursued fashion and wore clothing that would show my navel. I played video games, didn't believe anyone, was indifferent and selfish. A popular saying among us college students was, “If a person is not after self-interest, heaven and earth will destroy him.” It had become a motto!
After I got married, my husband and I often quarreled as to who should do the chores. Neither of us wanted to sacrifice. I went to work and played games to kill time. My life was very boring. When I had time to relax, I often asked myself, “What's the meaning of life? What are people living for?”
During the past 14 years, my mom often asked me to resume practicing Falun Dafa. However, I often replied impatiently: “I believe Falun Dafa is good. I was a practitioner, so Teacher will not forget about me. If you succeed in cultivation, I will go to your world as a sentient being.”
One day, my mom told me what a practitioner had seen with his celestial eye. For diligent practitioners their worlds are splendid and shining, while practitioners who are not doing well, the sentient beings in their worlds are poor, miserable and suffering. I couldn't hold back my tears upon hearing this. I thought of my sentient beings. They are miserable while waiting for my return, but I am so selfish and indulge in life's pleasures. I had forgotten them. They are suffering because I shirked my responsibility.
I read two lectures of Zhuan Falun and sat in meditation for one and a half hours that day. My understanding of the Fa this time was quite different from what I had believed years ago. Every word touched my heart. I felt enlightened. What a wonderful cultivation method! However, I had been missing out on it for 14 years, and Teacher has been waiting for me to return. This time I truly had a feeling of urgency.
When I went to my mom's home several days later, she said that she would take me to the group sharing after lunch. I agreed reluctantly, thinking that I had nothing to share.
As I was about ready to leave, my mom shouted, “Come here.” I was amazed at what I saw. Three egg-sized tumors had come out from my mom's uterus, and she hadn't experienced any pain. I had heard of many stories from other practitioners who became healthy after practicing Falun Dafa. This time I witnessed it myself! I thought that this happened because my mom was diligent, so Teacher removed the tumors for her. It was also a hint for me to hurry up and cultivate diligently too.
We had missed the time to go to the sharing, but two practitioners from the meeting came to my home because my mom didn't show up. They came to see if she was all right. One veteran practitioner shared with me for a long time. She told me that she had helped many fellow practitioners like me return to Dafa, and that Teacher had been waiting for us. Later my mom told me, “I haven't seen that practitioner for ten years. She hasn't change at all. She is the one who introduced Falun Dafa to me.”
During the following weekend I went to mom's home to learn the five sets of exercises. For me, the Falun standing stance and sitting meditation are the most difficult. After I did the standing stance for a minute, my arms started trembling. As soon as I wanted to give up, I saw Teacher sitting on a lotus flower floating towards me. I suddenly saw two golden and shining characters, “Keep Going.” I was greatly encouraged and continued holding up my arms, though trembling all the time. After a while I saw a beautiful being dancing in the clouds. I persisted doing the standing stance while watching the beautiful dance. It was not that difficult, nor was it that painful! I know Teacher was encouraging me and giving me a hint.
After learning the five sets of exercises, I returned home and sat down in meditation. All of a sudden I felt an electric bit drilling into my forehead with such force. I didn't know what was happening due to my shallow understanding of the Fa. However, I understood what had happened to me after reading Teacher's Fa lecture. Teacher said:
“When I was talking about the Celestial Eye, each of you could feel that your forehead was tight; the muscles felt like they were piling up together and drilling inward. It was so, wasn’t it? It was like this. As long as you truly put your mind to studying Falun Dafa here, everyone will feel it; the external force comes very strongly when drilling inward.” (Zhuan Falun)
During the 2013 Chinese New Year holidays, Teacher eliminated karma for me. My husband and I were going to spend the Chinese New Year with his parents. However, on the first day of my holiday, as soon as I got up, I felt very dizzy. Everything was spinning. I thought maybe I was too hungry. I ate some food, but after a while I threw up. At that moment, my husband, who is not a practitioner, shouted to me: “No problem. You will be all right after practicing the exercises and studying the Fa. It's karma elimination.” I was shocked: Teacher is giving me hints by using an ordinary person's mouth.
I studied the Fa immediately, but it didn't work. I was still dizzy. I was too uncomfortable to continue reading. I was not feeling well, sitting or lying down.
I thought of going back to my mom's home because the energy field there was stronger. I discussed it with my husband. However, after my mother-in-law knew that I was sick, she insisted on taking me to the hospital. I hesitated, but my husband was against me going to the hospital and said to his mother: “She wants to go home. Please leave her alone.” They then took me to my mom's home.
During those 7 days, I kept throwing up for 4 days. My mom asked me to study the Fa, do the exercises and send righteous thoughts together with her every day. I said: “I do not accept this situation. It's a false phenomenon. I will be all right before the holidays are over.” However, I always tried to see if I was still dizzy. I lay on the sofa and regarded myself as an ill patient.
Teacher said:
“Currently, whether it is karma elimination or interference from evil factors, that is all the work of the old forces. It’s all the same—they are just called different names. I am against all that the old forces do. I don’t accept any of it. And even less so should Dafa disciples be made to endure such suffering.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference”)
If I had strong righteous thoughts, negated and eliminated the interference immediately, my tribulation would not have lasted that long. Teacher helped me get through the test. I was back to normal before the holidays were over and returned to work on time.
Teacher eliminated my karma, purified my body, hinted at me all the time and made me aware of my lack of righteous thoughts.
As long as we feel it with our heart, we can feel that Teacher is beside us all the time, giving us hints and protecting us.
Thank you, compassionate Teacher. As your disciple, I have no way to repay the mercy your have shown me, but I can cultivate diligently, do the three things well and assist Teacher in the Fa rectification.