(Minghui.org) Since I was a teenager, I could not accept the fact that my life in this world had no purpose. I would ask simple questions that others did not have answers for. I developed disdain for the regular timeline of “kindergarten-school-work-retirement” and wanted to break through it.

I was studying martial arts and knew that there was more to life on the spiritual level, but no matter how many books I read, I always felt that their information was superficial; it did not quench my “appetite.” At the same time, the thirst grew stronger. When I was 15 years old, my father opened a small print shop, and I started working for him. Thus, I was exposed to books of a spiritual nature that had begun filtering into Russia after the fall of the communist regime. I was very interested in Buddhism, but did not really understand what cultivation was. I only did simple meditation at night when I was alone.

In the summer of 2000, a strong desire to learn Hebrew emerged in me. I had been learning it for a few years, but this time the urge was different. I would sit late at night rehearsing the words and conversing with myself to gain experience in speaking. I did not have anyone to talk to for practice, but felt there was no limit to how much I could absorb. I realized even then that my being born here was just for temporary purposes, and that my true place was not in this human world.

Within a year, I knew how to speak Hebrew pretty well, and this made my immigration to Israel in 2001 quite smooth. In Israel, I continued looking for my path: books, meditation, martial arts. I looked deeply at Judaism and almost became religious, but couldn't see how it could be applied 24 hours a day. I was looking for a path to walk on every second – one that I could always follow.

Eventually I felt exhausted and gave up my search. Meanwhile, the date for my enlisting in the military was approaching. Thoughts on leaving for Tibet came up. I realized that if I started following the path of ordinary people, I would not be able to get out of it anymore – and then my life would be wasted like that of other people who run around without true purpose.

But how could I tell my parents? What about my career and everyone's expectations of me? I was afraid. I suppose Master must have restrained me so that I did not flee, so I continued on the ordinary path. I told myself that I would no longer search intentionally, but whatever came next would be the right thing, and I would accept it without preliminary research. This would be my destiny.

During one of the tiring and humiliating days of my basic army training, I climbed up on a guard tower. I sat down, physically and mentally tired, with constant thoughts of regret about the road I had walked. Suddenly, near the window, I saw a blue flyer, partially torn and burned. I could see the image of people doing Dafa exercises and some of the information on it.

Even before I started reading, a heat wave went through my body and I started crying. The heat enveloped my entire body, and I was no longer tired. I eagerly awaited Saturday, when I would be able to leave the base and go to the park to learn the practice.

When I learned the exercises, I felt that they were very familiar. After a few weeks, I got to read Zhuan Falun. I realized: “I found it. I am home. I can start my path.” This is how I obtained the Fa, and my life began to change.

I thank venerable Master for being by my side all those years, leading me thousands of miles to obtain the great Fa in Israel.

Being Attentive to Master

I decided to take part in a truth-clarification project and began to learn graphic design, since it was applicable to the work I could do for a newspaper run by Dafa disciples.

After a year of college, however, something began bothering me about my studies. I realized that the course I had taken was too long. I just needed to obtain the knowledge, not a degree, and begin working at the newspaper as soon as possible. As a cultivator, I had the willpower to advance quickly without a long-term framework.

That week I left college and began taking a professional course that my brother was taking. It was less than a year long. Toward the end, I began looking for a job that would give me proper experience.

Everyone around me was talking about how there was no point in looking for a job without prior experience. But I saw this as an attempt to divert me, so I did not accept it. I asked Master in my heart: “Master, I know that as a cultivator, statistics, economic crises and the state of the market do not impact me, and I know that I need to quickly find a job so as to learn design and do my part at the newspaper as soon as possible. Please help me.”

One month before the course's end, I found a respectable job with excellent salary; I was even accepted before getting a final grade. A few months later, I was already working nights at the newspaper, doing simple graphics.

In the beginning I did not have enough professional knowledge. Everything took me a long time and wasn't up to par, but Master always provided me with the skills needed in advance. For example, a month before I had to design materials for an expo for the newspaper, I had to design similar materials for a large expo at my ordinary job. When we had to produce a brochure at the newspaper, I already had done such a project at my ordinary job.

Each time Master gave me more and more knowledge so that I would be able to handle the professional work, and I was always open to learn more. I knew it would be useful in the future. After a few months, I was appointed to lead the graphic design team at the newspaper.

Giving Up Self

After a few years, the amount of work at the newspaper, now turned into a magazine, increased a lot. In addition to the long hours at my ordinary job, the workload at the newspaper was doubling from issue to issue, and I could not handle such a large amount of work. I kept working from morning till night, day after day, and would often be tired at my ordinary job.

Fa study and practice during the production days became a distant dream. I was working two full-time jobs and could not do either of them well. After each production of a newspaper issue, I would feel empty inside with no internal strength left, just hoping to manage to finish my tasks. Because my Fa study wasn't good, each design took long hours to do and reduced the available time even more.

Looking forward, the standard needed for the newspaper to become really influential in society, thus saving sentient beings more widely, had to improve further and the amount of work would have to grow. I had to decide what to do next, as it was impossible to continue as before.

I dedicated almost no time to my family, and my life was extremely out of balance. In addition, a large portion of the work I was doing was filled with my attachments of resentment, anger, and ordinary people's concepts. In my heart, I was very sad to know that my work was filled with an ordinary person's thoughts, since my heart was not full of the Fa. I asked for Master's forgiveness, and the forgiveness of the newspaper team.

I thought that as a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple I could not spend so much time at an ordinary job that I didn't have enough time left to clarify the truth to people. I knew that there was an opportunity to clarify the truth on a grand scale through the newspaper.

Master said in “Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”:

“Just imagine if all those who are involved didn’t need to go and work at ordinary companies to make ends meet, since your own paper would be providing for them, and they could put all their energy here. If this paper can manage to become a normal workplace in ordinary society, with people getting normal salaries, then wouldn’t you be both doing what Dafa disciples are supposed to do as well as assuring financial security in your life? Wouldn’t that be great?”

I was facing a choice: to stay at my ordinary job or move to work at the newspaper full-time. In addition, I realized that I had been mainly concerned with myself and my living, and did not give back anything significant to the Fa that was saving me along with the gigantic cosmos. Master took upon himself so many things on my behalf, like sickness and karma, and I have continued to live with a healthy body all these years – keeping a low profile and waiting to be called upon. Such a big waste! I was sorry I hadn't realized this before.

In Essentials for Further Advancement II Master says:

“Some of the people who have obtained the Fa and, at this human surface, come to know the meaning of the Fa, have had their lives extended through the Fa; some of them have received all kinds of benefits, such as good health, harmony in the family, indirect benefits to their relatives and friends, a reduction of their karma, and even Master’s bearing things for them. In other dimensions, their physical bodies are being transformed into God-bodies. Despite this, when Dafa is about to consummate you, you are unable to step forward from humanness, and when the evil persecutes Dafa you are unable to stand up to validate Dafa. These people who only want to take from Dafa and not give for Dafa are, in the eyes of Gods, the worst beings.”

Although I may have done quite a lot in truth clarification, actually it is definitely not enough. The understanding that limited me was that I was working at an ordinary job and could participate in Dafa projects only in my free time. I missed one important point – that in this life, I am responsible for what happens to me all day long, not just in my free time.

I realized that I shouldn't accept what may seem “normal” on the surface. With righteous thoughts that Master has given me, I could create another situation where saving sentient beings would be the top priority. I needed to give my best and most precious time to truth clarification efforts. I realized that a full-time job at the newspaper could be an excellent opportunity for such work, especially since I already had a relevant profession.

But I didn't know how this could happen. My wife and I did not have enough financial backing to work even half a year at the newspaper, and she was also pregnant. How could I reduce my regular income and still afford the expenses after my child was born? It seemed unrealistic, but I still felt that this is exactly what should happen.

From time to time, my wife and I shared our understandings on this topic, until one day we sat down to decide what to do. We didn't know what would happen and how it would work, but we planted a seed that was to bear fruit later on. In our minds, we decided that I would have to leave my job and work at the newspaper.

I asked Master and the righteous gods for help to build a path that would lead to this. On my side, I prepared a budget plan that would enable the 3 of us to live on 3 times less income. I reduced everything possible, but still the plan could not cover all of the expenses. We lacked money for day care once my wife finished her maternity leave.

We realized that there could be no 100% guarantee. If everything worked out perfectly without worries, it would not be cultivation. We managed to build a plan that worked 80%, but the additional 20% would come down to having faith. That was the part that tested us – whether we would trust Master and jump in the water even when it was a little cold. We decided to jump in.

All those months of making the decision were very precious to me. All sorts of attachments came up, so I had a chance to remove them. Being a very calculating person, I was aware that while building a very precise budget plan for my family, I should not get carried away, but instead stay close to Master and have full faith in the path that He has planned for me, a path I couldn't yet see.

Day after day, another layer of attachments would come. Each time, I tried to clean them from the root and get rid of my attachment to having full control of my money and my life. A day came when I finally began feeling lighter physically and mentally – being able to let go of my calculating mind and just go with the flow.

There were days when I would wake up in the morning and tell myself: “What are you thinking? You have a family. Soon you will have a little baby girl. You have a responsibility to provide for them and give them good living conditions! How can you think of leaving your steady job?”

In those days, this attempt to divert me seemed really tangible, but when I recalled Master's words, I immediately got back on track:

Master said in Zhuan Falun:

“In the future, these situations will surface again to give you this false impression and make you feel as though they do not exist and are all false—it is to see whether you are determined. You say that you must be firm and sure-footed. With this determination, if you can indeed be firmly resolute at that point, you will naturally do well because your xinxing will have already improved.”

After my wife and I reached the decision, I quit my job. Two months later, my wife's grandmother stepped forward and volunteered to take care of our daughter a few hours a day. Without thinking much, we realized that moving to live near her grandmother was the right thing to do, so a few weeks later we moved to the same building.

I began working at the newspaper full-time without salary, so the financial issue was not yet resolved. A while later, the manager of the Israeli edition of the newspaper came back from abroad and issued a notice that from the following month, all full-time employees would get a salary. I smiled in my heart and thanked Master. I realized that had I not dared to follow through with faith in Master and only relied on surface considerations, I would have missed precious months of work.

Looking back over the past 6 months, I saw how everything was built very precisely. I realized that only after I had given up attachments at one level was I permitted to step to the next. Each step was based on the previous one.

Even if I were to join the newspaper a few months later, when salaries were already being paid, I would not have cultivated that side of me. Besides, without fully trusting Master, what was there to discuss about work on a Dafa project? I had to be purified in advance of my entering the project. I felt that this was very precious. This purification also helped me treat fellow cultivators with more understanding and consideration during our work.

I finally balanced my work and life. After a long time of sitting in front of my computer in isolation, I began to come to group Fa study again and saw how valuable it was. I felt sad that I had not come for months and for what I had lost.

Group study connected me as a particle to other particles of the one body, and I again felt part of the one body. After starting to come to group Fa study, I suddenly felt a stronger bond with each of the fellow cultivators and working with them became smoother.

The experience of working with Dafa cultivators in a workplace is something that cannot be compared to any other work environment. On the one hand, we are running a business, with bills, deals, and strict deadlines for tasks and projects. On the other hand, there is no feeling of commercialism, people are not into their money and self-interests, and each is giving his or her best so that our project can succeed. Even if there are arguments, everyone tries to understand the issue and does not allow it to harm the work.

Working closely with practitioners gave me a chance to quickly give up quite a few attachments that I had during the years of work at my previous job. When one works with practitioners, all of one's attachments are exposed and they can point them out to you. Then, you have no choice but to take care of these issues—it is a wonderful thing.

During these months of working at the newspaper, I felt big changes in my behavior: I became less insistent, more tolerant, and a better listener, I could deal with other people and their problems without developing resentment.

Removing My Fundamental Attachment of Fear

Throughout my entire path of cultivation, Master has led me to situations where I had to be in charge and give orders to others. Whether as a commander in the military or later in reserve service, at my ordinary job, or at my job as a team leader at the newspaper, I eventually ended up in a situation where I had to lead. In the beginning, I didn't know if this was something I had to do; I am more of a hands-on person than a manager by nature.

When placed in leadership roles, I quickly noticed that there was one attachment always coming up – fear – fear of expressing myself, fear of what others would think of me, fear of an aggressive reaction of the other party. All these immediately emerged like air bubbles whenever I was in a managerial situation. Even when I played the so-called “good manager,” trying to please everyone, it came from fear. If someone would not be pleased, then how would he treat me? This fear would immediately come up, and the ego would start defending itself.

I realized that I had work to do here, quite a bit of work. I looked inward to identify where all of this was coming from: What was the root of this fear? I remembered all of the situations through which the old forces had instilled this fear in me so that it would be harder for me to save sentient beings at the time of Fa-rectification.

In Russia, my family had moved many times, and each time I lived in an area with people who were less nice and more violent. On the one hand, this enabled me to accumulate enough virtue to later obtain the Fa, but at the same time it was also to instill this basic fear in me. This fear was condensed microscopically layer after layer, and not as easy to control as some other human attachments.

When I was 12 years old, armed policemen burst into our home and threatened my family with guns. I always lived with that fear, and my parents emanated it in their conduct, even unknowingly. When something is that deep inside, it takes much effort to uproot it, to eliminate this material layer by layer. I finally realized why I wasn't born in Israel. Only in those places where I had lived, in that harsh environment, could the basis for such a fear be built.

In my work, whether at the newspaper or an ordinary company, my output and that of my teams was never up to par, since I didn't want to pressure my subordinates. To avoid their reactions, I would give them all the time in the world to finish their work. After they had wasted many hours, I would discover that the final work was not good enough. Then I had to politely ask them to do it all over again, or to improve the work.

I blamed myself and did not have the strength to say: “This is not good! Do it all over again within an hour.” It came from this fear – and the implications were big: The work was slow and everyone did what they liked, since I was afraid to set boundaries. I was polite in order to please everyone, and at the same time disappointed with myself to the point of despair.

I saw that my ego was delaying the work, since I was thinking about what others would think of me instead of how the business should move forward. What selfishness! To get real results, I had to give up that ego, to know better than to think of myself, and instead to focus on what the project needed.

Whatever is the right thing to do, this is what should be done, regardless of whether someone would shout at me or even hit me. It was my responsibility to do what needed to be done and not be afraid of the consequences.

My understanding was very precise – I should focus on eliminating this attachment that created such a big interference for me in doing the three things, and do it quickly to make up for all the years I hadn't dared to do it.

I added eliminating fear to the first 5 minutes of sending forth righteous thoughts on a daily basis. Whenever I could, I tried to initiate going to places where I had to encounter this fear, so as to cultivate it away and not to avoid such situations, but rather to embrace them as opportunities.

In each such situation, I would look inward, look at the fear and declare that it isn't me, till I managed to differentiate it from myself and see it as material that did not belong in my original body. Of course, I didn't always manage to get over it properly, but things got better from each experience to the next.

When I encountered a direct conflict, it was not as if fear did not exist, but that I was doing things regardless of it and without giving it any importance. Thus, it would disappear within seconds. I changed my attitude at work, focused on what needed to be done and not on what I feared. The results and the output at work improved dramatically.

In time, my brain stopped producing endless scripts for each action that I took and alerting me to possible conflicts ahead. I could just do my job without drowning in being too “politically correct.” If I were to get criticism, I would enjoy it, since I realized that when I lost a little, I would gain a lot. This material of fear gradually began to disintegrate, and I began to feel lighter in my head and thoughts. What I lost were indeed those bad things.

Conclusion

Today both my wife and I work full-time at the newspaper, with a 6-month-old baby at home. Our daily schedules have changed a lot, and the day moves very quickly, with each moment calculated. In addition to the full-time job at the newspaper, I need to balance my personal life, surviving financially, clarifying the truth in my immediate environment, doing all of the three things well, and raising a child with the righteous values of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance.

I no longer complain about the lack of time or the multiple tasks to be done, since I now realize that this is exactly the mighty virtue I need to earn. I live my life for others. This responsibility is very big. To give all of my time to save as many sentient beings as possible is my overarching goal. Compared to this, my wishes for privacy, personal time, or a little more rest seem quite trivial.

I wish to conclude my experience sharing with Master's words from Zhuan Falun:

When I practiced cultivation in the past, many great masters told me these words, and they said: "When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it." In fact, that is how it is. Why don’t you give it a try when you return home. When you are overcoming a real hardship or tribulation, you try it. When it is difficult to endure, try to endure it. When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible. If you can actually do it, you will indeed find: "After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!"

Thank you, fellow cultivators, for listening and for your great tolerance of me.

All that I have written is just the understanding I have reached thus far in my cultivation.

Thank you all!

Infinite thanks to great Master!