My son recently joined a Fa study group online. We have gone through xinxing tests and sickness karma during this process, and made improvements. Looking back over the process, I appreciate Teacher's compassionate care.
Elimination of karma started after my son joined an online Fa study group. He developed a severe cough, sometimes coughing up blood. He continued to study with my encouragement. A few days later when I went to the Fa study group, I was told by a practitioner who had studied online with my son: “Your son joined Fa study late, and asked where we were, which interfered with others.” I got anxious, as he had rarely studied the Fa before, and had never joined in online Fa study. Now he was finally participating, but he was interfering with other practitioners. I made up my mind to reprimand him. Then this practitioner added, “If he misses the starting time, then there is no need to join.” I was moved. I was going to tell the same to my son, and to make him pay attention to it.
When I talked about this matter with other practitioners on the way home, one person said: “Your son reads well! We are pleased to have him. Please do not criticize him. Children are not stable. He might get discouraged and stop reading. You should tell him that we all praised him for reading well, and it will be better if he comes earlier.” This made my mind much clearer.
If I severely reprimanded my son, he might stop reading out of anger, according to his personality. Teacher has spent much effort to care for young practitioners like him, to inspire his Buddha nature, and to untie knots in other dimensions, so that my son could get rid of the shackles of temptation in human world. It is beyond my imagination. However, I almost ruined all of this with a few words. That is so dangerous and irresponsible! Although I was thinking of “being responsible to him and fellow practitioners,” I was terribly wrong. Fortunately, Teacher mercifully gave me hints through a fellow practitioner, so I did not make a big mistake.
When I told my wife about this, she said she would try her best to cook earlier and remind him. I did not hear that he was late again.
But a few days later, another practitioner told me: “Your son often leaves his seat during Fa study. He is not there when it is his turn to read, so others have to wait. It is disrespectful to Teacher and Dafa.” I was anxious, as it is a serious matter to be disrespectful to Teacher and Dafa. Many practitioners have been persecuted by the old forces because they made such mistakes. This mistake is not to be repeated again! I called my wife on the phone. She said: “You do not know the full situation. It happened twice, but he was having karma elimination. He coughed too much, so he ran to the toilet and vomited, once spitting blood and pus. He did not expect that, so he missed his turn. He has a pure heart towards Teacher and Dafa. He said he could not keep reading as he coughed too much, but I encouraged him to continue. I told him this was demonic interference trying to stop him, that he should not give up, and should insist on reading. I told him Teacher was helping him to eliminate karma, and he would be fine when the karma was gone.”
I felt ashamed. I calmed down to reflect on myself. What kind of attachments do I have that made me susceptible to making the same kind of mistake again and again? I finally found it. It was my strong sentimentality toward my son. I worry that he is not diligent, and will accumulate karma, therefore I was not calm and lost righteous thoughts. I feel proud when he does well, and I worry and even get angry when he does not do well. Isn't it caused by a pursuit of fame?
I did not calmly analyze and look for a solution with compassion and wisdom when I heard others' negative views about my son, but responded to such news negatively. I appeared to be very decisive and serious, but in fact I used everyday people's mentality and methods. I did not improve my xinxing, and could have made things complicated. I did not remember that he is also a high level being who has come down with great bravery on a mission to learn Dafa. He must break through many obstacles, overcome numerous difficulties in the course of seeking Dafa. One failure could make him to miss out on Dafa and waste millions of years of waiting. However, I did not think to provide him with meticulous care, positive encouragement, wisdom, and help him be firm with righteous thoughts, but I wanted to use harsh rebukes to “help” him, which might aggravate his ordeal. Isn't this the logic of the old forces?
I realized that guiding young practitioners well is not simply to say a few words, or to show him some diligent examples from the Minghui website, and expecting him to change. This is a huge task, which includes abandonment of my attachments, and clearing the CCP culture from my thoughts. I have to improve in order to guide young practitioners. It cannot be taken lightly. I shall treat him with righteous thoughts and mercy rather than sentimentality, so I can do better.
I began a process of karma elimination after I enlightened to this level of understanding. I felt my entire body was pierced by numerous needles, for a whole day. When it was most painful and hard to forbear, I said to myself, “I can surely bear such little karma. Teacher is bearing tens of thousands time greater karma for me in other dimensions. What must that be like?” I immediately burst into tears, and emerged with infinite gratitude for Teacher's mercy. Teacher created all kinds of opportunities to expose my attachments, gave me hints and inspired me, to allow for my little improvements, as well as eliminating huge karma for me after I improved. And this is only one example like this from over ten years of my cultivation.
I cannot express my gratitude to Teacher with human language, or repay Teacher's merciful salvation with any act. I can only be diligent in cultivation to repay a little back to Teacher.
This is only my limited understanding. Please point out anything in it that is incorrect.