(Minghui.org) Since childhood I always appeared to be mild-mannered on the surface but inside I was hot-tempered. As long as no one offended me, I was calm and easygoing. However if anyone did offend me, I would behave irrationally.
When my child was only 8 months old, my mother-in-law said one thing that upset me greatly. I picked up my child and ran back home to my mother and stayed there for nearly two years. My husband and his mother came to see me and asked me to come back. I turned my back on them. My 80-year-old mother-in-law left in tears.
I worked in the local government office. I was looked up to by many and therefore I felt that I was better than most people. As officers, we were always invited to have free meals. Every day my behavior got worse and worse right along with the rotten environment I was working in.
Fortunately, the year after I lived in my mother’s house with my baby (1998), I started to practice Falun Gong. That's when my life changed.
In the spring of 1998, my mother and I visited a relative. This relative described the beautiful scenes she saw in other dimensions after she started to practice Falun Gong. Seeing her excited expression, my heart was touched. When I went home, I began to read Zhuan Falun. The more I read, the more I wanted to read, so I finished reading without stopping. The wonderful feeling was hard to describe. I realized that I had slid down and become worse and worse along with the bad environment.
As Master said:
“Some people evaluate themselves with the declined moral standard. Because the criteria for assessment have changed, they consider themselves better than others.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun)
After that I tried very hard to work diligently. If my coworkers faced difficulties, I would help them. I treated the customers kindly and helped them resolve their problems. I felt that I was becoming more and more pure. If anybody gave me “gifts,”,I would submit them to my boss. My behavior had a positive impact, and some of my coworkers also started to read Zhuan Falun .
In early 1999, I moved out of my mother’s house with my child and moved back in with my parents-in-law. If any conflicts arose, I could deal with them based on the Fa principles. I treated the elderly with respect. Our little family of five lived together happily.
The persecution began on July 20, 1999. My supervisors asked me to give up practicing Falun Gong. I said, “Falun Gong purified me and uplifted me from the inside.” The supervisors kept talking to me, but I refused to give up. My coworkers saw my strong belief, so some of them even began reading Zhuan Falun . Later my boss stopped trying to stop me from practicing Falun Gong.
But with more and more rumors and slander about Falun Gong, my family began to distance themselves from me. At the end of 2000, I went to Tiananmen Square to display a truth-clarification banner. Several other practitioners and I were arrested and taken to a detention center somewhere in Beijing.
To protest this illegal abduction I refused to eat for eight days and they sent me to the local forced labor camp. In the beginning I refused to cooperate with the guards and would not agree to wear the prison uniform or to memorize their regulations. They beat me with electric clubs. They force fed me liquid food though a tube in my nose, did not allow me to sleep, and did not allow me to use the bathroom. Every day a circle of people surrounded me and abused Master and Dafa.
Finally I gave in and began walking in the wrong direction.
My husband used his backdoor connections to borrow a lot of money and get me out of the labor camp. He also contacted my employer to allow me to keep my job. After I came home, I hid my hurt feelings and lived the life of an everyday person.
As soon as my family accumulated some savings, I started to dress well and eat well. To take care of my health, I bought all kinds of goods. I shopped for lots of clothes to dress better. I bought high priced make-up to beautify myself. I also advised my husband to drive his workplace car for family use.
I was especially attached to my child’s grades in school. I took my child to attend all kinds of extra classes. We even rode in taxis to attend them. With my tough attitude, my child became quiet and dared not speak up. If my child did not get good grades or did not do as I wanted, I would start screaming.
Whenever I felt unhappy I easily lost my temper. I argued with the customers and average people in society. Later, I began to say bad things about people behind their backs at work.
I always felt very tired and my health began declining. Usually I worked until 10 a.m. and then felt so sleepy that I could not keep my eyes open. I had more wrinkles at the corners of my eyes and more grey hair. A growth appeared in my breast, and I developed a problem in my neck.
Master Saved Me after I Nearly Destroyed Myself
Even though I had strayed so far from the path of cultivation, Master did not give up on me. At the end of 2008, some people showed me a copy of Zhuan Falun and later showed me some of their books. I read this and that, but still preferred Zhuan Falun .
From 2001 to 2008, eight years passed. When I read Zhuan Falun again, I felt it was very touching. I stopped associating with the people who had stopped practicing, and found my relative, also a fellow practitioner. My fellow practitioners gave me a lot of help. After watching many truth-clarification DVDs, I could not control myself and started to sob. I decided not to behave like I was anymore. I realized that I needed to cultivate and follow Master to go home.
I started to read a lot and finished reading all of Masters’ lectures taught before July 20. By and by I realized that I had not truly cultivated myself before. I did not truly change myself from the inside, and I had not behaved in line with the Fa. I began using Master’s Fa to guide my cultivation, to adjust my behavior, to do my housekeeping well, and to treat my parents-in-law better. I took good care of my child and did my job well. Seeing my improvement, my husband also changed. He used to threaten me and say he would tear my books apart. Later he stopped interfering when I practiced at home.
Fellow practitioners kindly kept giving me advice and talking with me. I began to realize that studying the lectures Master taught after July 20 was very important.
“If you don’t take action to save sentient beings, you will not have fulfilled your responsibility as a Dafa disciple and your cultivation will amount to nothing, for your becoming a Dafa disciple was not for the sake of your own Consummation. This means that you shoulder a monumental mission.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
I was awakened completely. I realized the importance of doing the three things well. After this I began doing what a Fa-rectification disciple should do instead of just cultivating myself.
How I Improved While Saving People
I learned from fellow practitioners about how to clarify the truth to people face to face. But because I had studied the Fa less, and due to my unstable cultivation state, when I began talking to people they were scared and ran away. So I tried a different approach and began distributing pamphlets to mailboxes. The first time I went to residential buildings to drop off pamphlets. As soon as I saw the mailboxes, I rushed up and threw the pamphlets into them. My heart was thumping, my legs were shaking, and I could not control myself. Afterwards, through a lot of Fa-study and sharing with fellow practitioners, I gradually began to understand that handing out pamphlets is one way to save people and that we should not be persecuted.
I gradually overcame my attachment to fear, and Master took away many bad things for me. When my mind could not remain calm, I remembered Master’s words: “Don’t you realize that you are saving people?” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa-Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)
With Dafa’s guidance, I was doing better and better in handing out pamphlets.
When I explained the facts about Dafa to my relatives, I met with a lot of obstacles. My mother-in-law’s family is very large. When I was persecuted, they were also affected emotionally. I told them how the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) persecutes Falun Gong, but they were scared and did not want to listen. They even tore up the pamphlets I gave them. My husband abused me and even hit me. Twenty to thirty people in my family kept avoiding me. I wrote letters to them, gave them Shen Yun DVDs, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and other items. Finally, several of them acknowledged what I said was true and withdrew from the Party and its affiliated organizations.
On one occasion I ate with them. They were talking about what happened to the politicians Wang Lijun and Bo Xilai, but what they'd heard was completely false and they were repeating the CCP's lies. I told them how Wang took his secret documents regarding Bo to the US Consulate, which documents he turned in, and other things. They all listened eagerly and kept nodding their heads and said that what I said made sense. Then I said, “The documents include evidence that Bo Xilai participated in harvesting Falun Gong practitioners' organs while they were still alive.” When I said that, everyone got quiet. Later, one of my aunts who is a Christian told me, "You can practice your belief and we will not be against it." Now all of my family members quietly support my practicing.
I had a hard time opening my mouth to tell my coworkers the truth about Dafa. Many of them had only heard the CCP lies about Falun Gong. I started out by talking to those I had a good relationship with. After chatting many times, they understood what I was talking about. One time I fell down the stairs, and they both witnessed it. Instantly my chin swelled and my arms and legs were hurt. I had one thought at that time: “I am OK.”
“We have said that good or evil comes from a person’s spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I immediately got up and walked. My coworkers looked at my face and were scared. They asked me to go to the hospital. I told them I was fine and then I walked to the washroom to get cold water to wash my face. The blood kept flowing. I said it would stop by the next day. Back home I practiced the five sets of exercises and the next day the wound was partially healed. One week later it was healed completely. Thus they all witnessed a miracle of Dafa. One of them asked me for a copy of Zhuan Falun to read.
Another coworker had an older brother who suddenly could not move. She told him to recite “Falun Dafa is good” and also told him about my miraculous incident and the miraculous things that happened after people said “Falun Dafa is good.” Her brother believed it and immediately said aloud, “Falun Dafa is good.” The more he said it, the better he felt. He was so happy he even wrote several poems to praise Falun Gong. I was greatly encouraged by this. A few days later her brother and his wife started to study Zhuan Falun . His wife is ill. She cannot move her whole body, but she was still alert. The next day his wife’s condition greatly improved. Each time the brother read Zhuan Falun aloud to her, his wife would smile.
I gave Shen Yun DVDs to my coworkers. When I did, I told them that this was a traditional show with beautiful scenery and dances and that Shen Yun performs all over the world. They were glad to accept the DVD but their reactions to the show varied. Some praised the show highly, but others treated me coldly. For those who did not understand, I clarified the truth further, or I wrote them letters.
Sometimes I felt everybody was looking down on me, so I looked inward and found I had an attachment to saving face or avoiding embarrassment. I liked to be accepted by everyone and I had other notions. As soon as I identified those notions and eliminated them, the environment changed, and I could more easily hand out the Shen Yun DVDs, not only to my coworkers but also to the customers. Master kept arranging for people with predestined relationships to come to me.
This is the first time I've written an article. If any part of it is not in line with the Fa, please point it out without hesitation. Heshi!